i've been big by the age thingy but it only stops me from accessing DMs

ah

not sure what's been restricted on bluesky if i can still post

i hate that i don't have the patience or the intelligence to understand anything remotely technical 😔 if something isn't immediately accessible i tend to give up unless i'm *really* interested in something, and even that's not a guarantee

i've done barely anything with my neocities site because i don't like programming, so i wouldn't know where to begin to make an interesting or creative website. i'm probably just better off using a blogging platform or something idk

that being said i also remember watching a video about how there was a process that existed before networking that was more organic. wish i remembered which video that was and what the process was called

i understand the importance of networking, i just wish it wasn't so difficult for me. i struggle to reach out to people even if i'm close to them

so yeah i'm thinking that for now, i'll get my hair cut as short as i can while still (hopefully) looking feminine and wear silk headscarves when i can't be bothered to style it

just the fact that i have tens of thousands of these weird thin cylinders on my head, and even more on my body, bothers me. the only reason i haven't fully shaved my head is because of stubble. as insensitive as this sounds, i think i'd genuinely be relieved if i developed alopecia universalis

i don't wanna grow my hair long again because i couldn't deal with the maintenance. my arms hurt quickly when they're behind my head e.g. blow drying, washing, styling etc. plus i'd hate when hair got in my face and even a loose ponytail pulls on my scalp