Alan Machnik
@alanmachnik.bsky.social
Engineering Director. Comedy Writer. Husband. Father. 70% bacon, 40% bad at arithmetic.
Once fired from Ann Summers for getting Chas and Dave to do a stock take...
Once fired from Ann Summers for getting Chas and Dave to do a stock take...
Saturday night 🤘🏻😎
September 27, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Saturday night 🤘🏻😎
Scooby Doo's favourite takeaway...
September 7, 2025 at 10:08 AM
Scooby Doo's favourite takeaway...
Pretty sure this is some sort of Hate Crime...
September 6, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Pretty sure this is some sort of Hate Crime...
Prickpoul, surely...
August 31, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Prickpoul, surely...
Son: Dad. Where does gammon come from?
Dad: There, son...
Dad: There, son...
August 30, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Son: Dad. Where does gammon come from?
Dad: There, son...
Dad: There, son...
I'll be honest, I really wish this was a Scottish Refrigeration business...
August 12, 2025 at 8:11 PM
I'll be honest, I really wish this was a Scottish Refrigeration business...
My conspiracy theory for today is that a Freddo bar used to look like Jabba the Hutt, but now they look like Han Solo in Carbonite...
August 9, 2025 at 2:41 PM
My conspiracy theory for today is that a Freddo bar used to look like Jabba the Hutt, but now they look like Han Solo in Carbonite...
Coming to a cinema near you, starring Matt Damon and Alan Titchmarsh...
June 28, 2025 at 10:25 AM
Coming to a cinema near you, starring Matt Damon and Alan Titchmarsh...
I'm really not sure about this Miami Vice reboot 🤔
June 27, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I'm really not sure about this Miami Vice reboot 🤔
Trying not to sweat to death in Florence...
June 23, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Trying not to sweat to death in Florence...
Who remembers these bad boys?
June 22, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Who remembers these bad boys?
We might require a lift to the safety information...
June 22, 2025 at 6:17 AM
We might require a lift to the safety information...
This taxi has gone Up in my estimation...
June 13, 2025 at 3:03 PM
This taxi has gone Up in my estimation...
Movie Idea: Cocaine Byre...
June 7, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Movie Idea: Cocaine Byre...
I think I'll have crisps instead...
May 31, 2025 at 2:07 PM
I think I'll have crisps instead...
Pronunciation is important:
May 27, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Pronunciation is important:
They may take our lives, but they'll never take our...
May 1, 2025 at 12:18 PM
They may take our lives, but they'll never take our...
The rear of this is called the 'Sphinxter'...
March 28, 2025 at 6:08 PM
The rear of this is called the 'Sphinxter'...
For those about to Croc...
March 13, 2025 at 8:22 PM
For those about to Croc...
Genuinely in the top three of the books I've ever read. Captivating from start to finish...
February 28, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Genuinely in the top three of the books I've ever read. Captivating from start to finish...
For best results, use one of the rings on the hob bit of your cooker...
February 9, 2025 at 10:03 AM
For best results, use one of the rings on the hob bit of your cooker...
If I'm being honest, I'd probably rather eat the high chair...
February 3, 2025 at 8:34 PM
If I'm being honest, I'd probably rather eat the high chair...
Cocaine Bears, surely?
January 12, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Cocaine Bears, surely?
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Swingset..."
January 2, 2025 at 8:52 PM
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Swingset..."
I can move, move, move any...
January 1, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I can move, move, move any...