Forget Tool Cow. May I present Aghast Snail?

AI, can we make a deal? You can poison my children's brains and shit in the water supply if you just modulate TV commercial volume levels.

We gonna discuss or nah?

I can't explain why, but somehow this is Trump's fault.

The cruellest trick the devil ever played was putting Imodium into blister packs only opened with scissors.

DOGE will be like Cybertruck: its luster quickly fades, the wheels fall off, the lights go out, and anyone foolish enough to get into it will eventually realize it's a trap.

Also, raccoons will mistake it for a dumpster.