my circadian rhythm is all messed up i sleep offbeat
December 18, 2025 at 2:51 AM
my circadian rhythm is all messed up i sleep offbeat
you are letting the chips fall where they may i am controlling the chips with my mind we are not the same
December 18, 2025 at 2:46 AM
you are letting the chips fall where they may i am controlling the chips with my mind we are not the same
it’s so annoying when tragedy befalls me
December 17, 2025 at 11:01 PM
it’s so annoying when tragedy befalls me
one day i used xD earnestly for the last time and didn’t even realize it
December 17, 2025 at 10:40 PM
one day i used xD earnestly for the last time and didn’t even realize it
here are some of my favorite ways to respond to baby babble:
- and i’ve always said that
- dude you can’t say those words
- someone’s been watching fox news again
- so that’s a slur
- LMAO bro rly said “googoo gaga”
- who told you that? that’s classified
- thank you for sharing, you’re so brave <3
- and i’ve always said that
- dude you can’t say those words
- someone’s been watching fox news again
- so that’s a slur
- LMAO bro rly said “googoo gaga”
- who told you that? that’s classified
- thank you for sharing, you’re so brave <3
December 17, 2025 at 9:37 PM
here are some of my favorite ways to respond to baby babble:
- and i’ve always said that
- dude you can’t say those words
- someone’s been watching fox news again
- so that’s a slur
- LMAO bro rly said “googoo gaga”
- who told you that? that’s classified
- thank you for sharing, you’re so brave <3
- and i’ve always said that
- dude you can’t say those words
- someone’s been watching fox news again
- so that’s a slur
- LMAO bro rly said “googoo gaga”
- who told you that? that’s classified
- thank you for sharing, you’re so brave <3
does mrs. claus have a first name or is that too woke?
December 17, 2025 at 6:32 PM
does mrs. claus have a first name or is that too woke?
have billionaires considered that they actually don’t need all of that stuff?
December 17, 2025 at 5:50 PM
have billionaires considered that they actually don’t need all of that stuff?
this year instead of using the NORAD santa tracker they gave him an oura ring. his blood pressure is through the roof right now
December 17, 2025 at 1:51 PM
this year instead of using the NORAD santa tracker they gave him an oura ring. his blood pressure is through the roof right now
i am not “losing my mind” i have a very tight grip on it. too tight. i would love to lose my mind, leave her behind like an umbrella on a train. let her start a new life in a new town
December 17, 2025 at 2:16 AM
i am not “losing my mind” i have a very tight grip on it. too tight. i would love to lose my mind, leave her behind like an umbrella on a train. let her start a new life in a new town
taxi cab is short for taxidermy cabaret
December 16, 2025 at 11:23 PM
taxi cab is short for taxidermy cabaret
pretty crazy leonardo dicaprio has been acting for 36 years. you’d think after his career hit 25 he would’ve lost interest
December 15, 2025 at 6:49 PM
pretty crazy leonardo dicaprio has been acting for 36 years. you’d think after his career hit 25 he would’ve lost interest
sometimes i worry i’ve ruined my brain by smoking too much weed or scrolling on my phone for too long but then i remember i’m still not as stupid as people who think AI is a revolutionary tool and a force for good. i could never be that dumb.
December 15, 2025 at 2:39 PM
sometimes i worry i’ve ruined my brain by smoking too much weed or scrolling on my phone for too long but then i remember i’m still not as stupid as people who think AI is a revolutionary tool and a force for good. i could never be that dumb.
is there a mrs. santa con? ladies? 😀
December 14, 2025 at 4:20 AM
is there a mrs. santa con? ladies? 😀
birds fly south for the winter to train for the war on christmas
December 14, 2025 at 12:25 AM
birds fly south for the winter to train for the war on christmas
i’ve got hoes in different area codes! they moved states to get away from me. i have multiple restraining orders
December 13, 2025 at 2:44 PM
i’ve got hoes in different area codes! they moved states to get away from me. i have multiple restraining orders
a vegan vampire would drink oat blood
December 13, 2025 at 6:06 AM
a vegan vampire would drink oat blood
(bathing in the blood of my enemies)
you know it’s a lot stickier than i thought it would be
you know it’s a lot stickier than i thought it would be
December 13, 2025 at 6:04 AM
(bathing in the blood of my enemies)
you know it’s a lot stickier than i thought it would be
you know it’s a lot stickier than i thought it would be
three slices of homemade banana bread before bed. warm and butter on top. doctor prescribed it i can read his handwriting. i know the codes
December 13, 2025 at 5:00 AM
three slices of homemade banana bread before bed. warm and butter on top. doctor prescribed it i can read his handwriting. i know the codes
sitting on a seat warmer makes me feel like i’ve peed my pants. oddly enough peeing my pants also makes me feel like that
December 13, 2025 at 3:38 AM
sitting on a seat warmer makes me feel like i’ve peed my pants. oddly enough peeing my pants also makes me feel like that
it genuinely feels like i’m taking psychic damage every time i’m advertised to. every screen is a billboard and they are performing lobotomies on me wherever i go
December 13, 2025 at 3:35 AM
it genuinely feels like i’m taking psychic damage every time i’m advertised to. every screen is a billboard and they are performing lobotomies on me wherever i go
i don’t think we should take Time’s “Person of the Year” award seriously. the bare minimum thing you can be is a person, it’s not that impressive
December 12, 2025 at 1:17 PM
i don’t think we should take Time’s “Person of the Year” award seriously. the bare minimum thing you can be is a person, it’s not that impressive
you can’t argue with a brick wall but you can debate with it. if you’re being reasonable the brick wall will hear you out
December 12, 2025 at 1:43 AM
you can’t argue with a brick wall but you can debate with it. if you’re being reasonable the brick wall will hear you out
i understand racial discrimination because whenever i go to a thai restaurant they ask if i’m sure when i tell them i’d like my spicy fried rice to be super spicy. then i say yes and sometimes they still don’t make it as spicy as they could. because of who i am or rather… who they think i am
December 12, 2025 at 1:28 AM
i understand racial discrimination because whenever i go to a thai restaurant they ask if i’m sure when i tell them i’d like my spicy fried rice to be super spicy. then i say yes and sometimes they still don’t make it as spicy as they could. because of who i am or rather… who they think i am
they say you can’t argue with a brick wall, which is true. brick is cold, stoic. you can, however, get into colorful arguments with the tile in your shower. porcelain has a sharp tongue and biting wit
December 12, 2025 at 12:46 AM
they say you can’t argue with a brick wall, which is true. brick is cold, stoic. you can, however, get into colorful arguments with the tile in your shower. porcelain has a sharp tongue and biting wit
i was staring at this beautiful woman and she was kind enough to offer me to take a picture of her so i could reflect on her beauty long after she left. gorgeous AND thoughtful!
December 10, 2025 at 4:15 PM
i was staring at this beautiful woman and she was kind enough to offer me to take a picture of her so i could reflect on her beauty long after she left. gorgeous AND thoughtful!