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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · 1d

A remake of The Damed United but it's just Ange Postecoglou not training finishing or set pieces, shaking his head, and calling everyone 'mate' before getting sacked. #nffc

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · 3d

I've spent 25 minutes googling whether REM ever played a gig in North Norfolk, and if so, whether Michael Stipe did the "that's me in the Cromer" gag, and I can confirm that's it's a no on both counts.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · 9d

Football would be better if the attacking team, when they got within 30 yards of goal, had to shoot.

Not every time, but maybe every third time. I'd watch that.

Reposted by zozman

Jenny O @msyellowhat.bsky.social · 23d

Just sat here belly laughing by myself

Presuming Ed @presuming-ed.bsky.social · 26d

Tuesday.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · 23d

English politicians to Catholics in Derry - "Yes, you need to have this wonderful new Brit Card."

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Aug 28

I just want to go back to the old days where there was a lawyer with the face of a cat.

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Reposted by zozman

Helen Macdonald @hjm.bsky.social · Aug 4

This is incredible

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jul 8

RIP Norman Tebbit. He may have been awful, but he knew how to re-record, not fade away.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jul 2

I understand that Rachel Reeves was crying in Parliament today because she remembered the injustice of Paul Gascgoigne poleaxing Gary Charles in the 1991 FA Cup Final and not being sent off, just because he did his cruciate #nffc

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 28

Listening to Nirvana today. Legends who'll never be forgotten.

Kurt. Dave. The Other One.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 21

They say that all roads lead to Rome, but I've just gone down the A60 from Nottingham to Mansfield, and I'm pretty sure the A60 leads to Mansfield. Or Worksop at the absolute maximum.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 18

The floodlights at the England Germany U-21 have gone out, and neither commentator has done the "put another 50p in the meter" joke.

Starmer's Britain.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 18

It's funny how we can directly link the State of the Fucking World to us collectively allowing Oasis to get away with "I'm feeling supersonic / give me gin and tonic".

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 12

I read that. He was in the first three films apparently - it became a bit of a running joke. I've learnt something today :)

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 12

TIL the big German mechanic was Bomber from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Jun 3

My wife was advised to "never stop dating her husband". Unfortunately, she dated me to the mid-nineteenth century.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · May 31

The idea that senior army ranks are more honest probably has a Colonel of Truth in it.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · May 26

You don't see candelabras anymore, do you. Family entertainer Liberace was never seen without one, but nowadays, they're probably seen as too woke and LGBT friendly.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · May 9

I see "New Pope", "Pirates" and Wolves" are trending, and boy, do I have an idea for a 'unlikely flatmates' sit-com.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · May 5

Emoji is short for Emotional Fiji.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Apr 23

Sean Connery once described his favourite branch to me, going into intimate detail about the bark, the knots, and the grain.

Bit odd, but I suppose all parts of his shtick.

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Apr 19

Do you know how some men are *desperate* to show off their dick? I'm like that with mouth ulcers.

LOOK AT MY MOUTH ULCER.

Reposted by zozman

Jane @localnotail.bsky.social · Mar 21

a Spike Milligan poem for World Poetry Day

"Have A Nice Day"

#WorldPoetryDay

Have a Nice Day
'Help, help,' said a man. 'I'm drowning.'
'Hang on,' said a man from the shore.
'Help, help,' said the man. 'I'm not clowning."
'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
Be patient dear man who is drowning,
You see, I've got a disease.
I'm waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.
So do be patient please.'
'How long,' said the man who was drowning.
'Will it take for the Doc to arrive?"
'Not very long,' said the man with the disease.
Till then try staying alive."
'Very well,' said the man who was drowning.
'I'll try and stay afloat.
By reciting the poems of Browning And other things he wrote.'
'Help, help,' said the man with the disease, "I suddenly feel quite ill.'
'Keep calm,' said the man who was drowning, 'Breathe deeply and lie quite still.
'Oh dear,' said the man with the awful disease.
'I think I'm going to die.'
'Farewell,' said the man who was drowning
Said the man with the disease, 'goodbye."
So the man who was drowning, drownded.
And the man with the disease passed away.
But apart from that, and the fire in my flat
it's been a very nice day.

Spike Milligan

Clown, Philosopher, Poet
16.04.1918 - 27.02.2002

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zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Apr 7

Avoid the hassle of investing for your future by simply setting all your money on fire.

zozman @zozman.bsky.social · Apr 5

Some lad just asked at the bar for a "peanut grigio?" for his girlfriend.

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