Pinned
I think Selena Meyer is a good parent.
November 24, 2025 at 7:05 PM
I think Selena Meyer is a good parent.
The problem with men is the hot ones know they’re hot and the not hot ones don’t know they’re not
November 23, 2025 at 9:36 PM
The problem with men is the hot ones know they’re hot and the not hot ones don’t know they’re not
Do you ever think about the first ever person whose mind wandered at the movies must have been like GOD DAMNNIT this cost me 5¢!
November 21, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Do you ever think about the first ever person whose mind wandered at the movies must have been like GOD DAMNNIT this cost me 5¢!
When I’m stoned sometimes I play this cool game where I watch a movie but rewind every 2-3 minutes because I stop listening and get on my phone.
November 21, 2025 at 1:49 AM
When I’m stoned sometimes I play this cool game where I watch a movie but rewind every 2-3 minutes because I stop listening and get on my phone.
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE N, R, AND W
November 17, 2025 at 11:04 PM
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE N, R, AND W
My 20s: well how was is supposed to know that?
My 30s: I should have known that.
My plan for my 40s: they shall know my wrath.
My 30s: I should have known that.
My plan for my 40s: they shall know my wrath.
November 17, 2025 at 1:08 AM
My 20s: well how was is supposed to know that?
My 30s: I should have known that.
My plan for my 40s: they shall know my wrath.
My 30s: I should have known that.
My plan for my 40s: they shall know my wrath.
Ugh I’m going to have to like join a club sport aren’t I?
November 16, 2025 at 3:21 PM
Ugh I’m going to have to like join a club sport aren’t I?
The year is 2040. I wake up and eat a bean containing 80g protein and -20 calories. After I administer my ozempic microdose shot I send an electric shock to my brain to make sure I can’t remember the workday where, instead of creating shareholder value, I’m mining for poor people’s credit scores and
November 9, 2025 at 9:36 PM
The year is 2040. I wake up and eat a bean containing 80g protein and -20 calories. After I administer my ozempic microdose shot I send an electric shock to my brain to make sure I can’t remember the workday where, instead of creating shareholder value, I’m mining for poor people’s credit scores and
Has anyone ever fallen over the dress circle balcony at Carnegie because this lady next to me is making me nervous…
November 9, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Has anyone ever fallen over the dress circle balcony at Carnegie because this lady next to me is making me nervous…
I love that I can keep a deeply detailed mental inventory of every man at my gym an I assume I’m 100% invisible to each of them
November 9, 2025 at 4:23 PM
I love that I can keep a deeply detailed mental inventory of every man at my gym an I assume I’m 100% invisible to each of them
Uber wants to remind me 15 times via email that I took a ride with them recently and it cost me money
November 9, 2025 at 7:09 AM
Uber wants to remind me 15 times via email that I took a ride with them recently and it cost me money
Ok wait (I’m stoned) if every effect has a cause then everything that motivates me is just… my storytelling around a cause… so I have no free will? Or I guess a motivation is caused. So.. what is the action of analysis or the action of “choice”… is every effect a random chance of multiple possible c
November 6, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Ok wait (I’m stoned) if every effect has a cause then everything that motivates me is just… my storytelling around a cause… so I have no free will? Or I guess a motivation is caused. So.. what is the action of analysis or the action of “choice”… is every effect a random chance of multiple possible c
So mad that Charlie Puth is gay
November 6, 2025 at 2:35 AM
So mad that Charlie Puth is gay
Can anyone remember when they used to get a great night of sleep night after night?
November 5, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Can anyone remember when they used to get a great night of sleep night after night?
Everyone with the “if ur moving out of New York and have a nice apartment” jokes needs to SHUT UP I want those apartments
November 5, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Everyone with the “if ur moving out of New York and have a nice apartment” jokes needs to SHUT UP I want those apartments
Oh he’s gonna be mad mad tomorrow
November 5, 2025 at 3:30 AM
Oh he’s gonna be mad mad tomorrow
I HATE that we use maps to talk about elections
November 5, 2025 at 3:29 AM
I HATE that we use maps to talk about elections
If I were to run for president, which I’m not saying I would do, I’d make sure Worst Cooks in America played every day and we voted on important ballots(?) together after that. Probably on our phones.
November 5, 2025 at 2:34 AM
If I were to run for president, which I’m not saying I would do, I’d make sure Worst Cooks in America played every day and we voted on important ballots(?) together after that. Probably on our phones.
First of all… how dare the pricing director at Paul Smith?
November 4, 2025 at 2:10 AM
First of all… how dare the pricing director at Paul Smith?
Sniffies sucks because you cut right to the chase and that’s not where I shine
November 2, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Sniffies sucks because you cut right to the chase and that’s not where I shine
You know when a really hot gay™️ falls out of rotation with the other hot gays™️ and starts doing stuff with normal looking people? That’s sad to me.
November 1, 2025 at 2:28 PM
You know when a really hot gay™️ falls out of rotation with the other hot gays™️ and starts doing stuff with normal looking people? That’s sad to me.
I ❤️ NY season is June, September. I HATE NY season is Jan-May, Oct-Dec.
October 31, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I ❤️ NY season is June, September. I HATE NY season is Jan-May, Oct-Dec.
Want to know how I’m 400 years old? I just had to change the name of my current AirPods to “ZACH GOOD AIRPODS” so I can easily find them in Bluetooth
October 31, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Want to know how I’m 400 years old? I just had to change the name of my current AirPods to “ZACH GOOD AIRPODS” so I can easily find them in Bluetooth