Ian King
@twoht.bsky.social
Podcaster, (association) football writer, copywriter, $ubstacker. Writer for Football League World, also seen on Fotmob, When Saturday Comes. Come on in, the takes are *toasty*. London-born, Sussex based. He/him.
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
Full time: Sutton 4-2 Gateshead. Best game I've seen this season, I think. Sutton should have run away with it but took until the 98th minute before making it safe. Now all I've got to do is negotiate my way back through chaotic London. Might be home before midnight. A good time was had by all.
November 29, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Full time: Sutton 4-2 Gateshead. Best game I've seen this season, I think. Sutton should have run away with it but took until the 98th minute before making it safe. Now all I've got to do is negotiate my way back through chaotic London. Might be home before midnight. A good time was had by all.
I think it's 29 away fans. I'm not including the two coppers and five stewards who are also over that side of the ground.
Anyhoo, it's 1-1 at half-time and Sutton have been the better team this last twenty minutes. Should probably be ahead.
Anyhoo, it's 1-1 at half-time and Sutton have been the better team this last twenty minutes. Should probably be ahead.
November 29, 2025 at 3:51 PM
I think it's 29 away fans. I'm not including the two coppers and five stewards who are also over that side of the ground.
Anyhoo, it's 1-1 at half-time and Sutton have been the better team this last twenty minutes. Should probably be ahead.
Anyhoo, it's 1-1 at half-time and Sutton have been the better team this last twenty minutes. Should probably be ahead.
Midway through the first half, amd the 25 away fans will be happy enough - they went one up after five minutes and scores elsewhere have put Sutton back into the bottom four. Not an especially edifying spectacle, but one of those where both teams have got enough flaws that it might liven up later.
November 29, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Midway through the first half, amd the 25 away fans will be happy enough - they went one up after five minutes and scores elsewhere have put Sutton back into the bottom four. Not an especially edifying spectacle, but one of those where both teams have got enough flaws that it might liven up later.
You can always tell when there's ten minutes to kick off because the PA gets a bit louder and the music gets a bit more SERIOUS.
November 29, 2025 at 2:51 PM
You can always tell when there's ten minutes to kick off because the PA gets a bit louder and the music gets a bit more SERIOUS.
Somebody once told me that Michael Palin is a WSC subscriber and the thought that he might have read my words on some non league frippery or other gives me life, even if it's not true (and I'm just going to assume that it is)
Sometimes I just like to think about how absolutely smoking hot young Michael Palin was
November 29, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Somebody once told me that Michael Palin is a WSC subscriber and the thought that he might have read my words on some non league frippery or other gives me life, even if it's not true (and I'm just going to assume that it is)
Don't tell me, it's okay when he does it but not you, yeah?
Finally getting some theological clarity on the ethics of reclining in one’s plane seat
November 29, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Don't tell me, it's okay when he does it but not you, yeah?
It's been a tortuous morning for reasons that will become clear when I write this bullshit up, but I am actually en route to Sutton now.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
Words & Pictures to Follow: Sutton United vs Gateshead - Off For a Gander
It's time to get back to London this weekend, friends, for a trip to see a relegation six-pointer in the National League between two teams who may have an eye each on next weekend's FA Cup matches.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 29, 2025 at 11:56 AM
It's been a tortuous morning for reasons that will become clear when I write this bullshit up, but I am actually en route to Sutton now.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
OMG I am so doing this, probably on a Saturday morning, followed by football (possibly while getting pre-Christmas drunk)
If you’re in central London over the next six weeks, there’s a Snoopy Trail in the Fleet Street Quarter. I’ve illustrated the map that shows where all 12 Snoopys are…
November 28, 2025 at 7:18 PM
OMG I am so doing this, probably on a Saturday morning, followed by football (possibly while getting pre-Christmas drunk)
There's one just near my house that is completely wrapped round the lamppost and every time I walk past it I think to myself, "I wonder whether it was their intention to make them look so pathetic?"
Someone shimmied up and ripped the ones by the railway station down. Absolute baller move.
Someone shimmied up and ripped the ones by the railway station down. Absolute baller move.
The many, many flags cable-tied to lamp posts are starting to look dirty, bedraggled, limp and threadbare, who could have predicted this
November 28, 2025 at 6:46 PM
There's one just near my house that is completely wrapped round the lamppost and every time I walk past it I think to myself, "I wonder whether it was their intention to make them look so pathetic?"
Someone shimmied up and ripped the ones by the railway station down. Absolute baller move.
Someone shimmied up and ripped the ones by the railway station down. Absolute baller move.
Off to Sutton United tomorrow, lads, for their National League match against Gateshead. A preview featuring my frankly nonsensical thoughts on what a "proper" non-league football club is right here:
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
Words & Pictures to Follow: Sutton United vs Gateshead - Off For a Gander
It's time to get back to London this weekend, friends, for a trip to see a relegation six-pointer in the National League between two teams who may have an eye each on next weekend's FA Cup matches.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 28, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Off to Sutton United tomorrow, lads, for their National League match against Gateshead. A preview featuring my frankly nonsensical thoughts on what a "proper" non-league football club is right here:
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
You're going to see this shared a billion times. Don't click the link, the Guardian is just doing its usual ragebaiting for clicks thing.
‘I don’t live in a mansion. It’s a 1930s house’: Richmond residents react to council tax rise
‘I don’t live in a mansion. It’s a 1930s house’: Richmond residents react to council tax rise
Rachel Reeves’s new council tax surcharge on homes worth £2m or more earns mixed reception in well-heeled London borough
www.theguardian.com
November 27, 2025 at 5:41 PM
You're going to see this shared a billion times. Don't click the link, the Guardian is just doing its usual ragebaiting for clicks thing.
My eyes are very big, very blue, and have gold heterochromia shards in the middle, but it's only really noticeable when I take my glasses off, which I rarely ever do. When I did in front of an ex to clean them once, she gasped and said, "They're so big! SO BLUE! I feel like I could dive into them!"
What is the best compliment you ever received? Putting aside whether or not you believed it.
November 27, 2025 at 4:55 PM
My eyes are very big, very blue, and have gold heterochromia shards in the middle, but it's only really noticeable when I take my glasses off, which I rarely ever do. When I did in front of an ex to clean them once, she gasped and said, "They're so big! SO BLUE! I feel like I could dive into them!"
How about go fuck yourselves, IGN?
The Harry Potter full-cast audiobook is the best reason to try Audible's Black Friday deal. https://bit.ly/3XSPEW0
November 27, 2025 at 4:39 PM
How about go fuck yourselves, IGN?
I've said this a thousand times before, but Dutch really is the finest of languages
The Dutch word for a seesaw is "wipwap"
As ever, do with this information what you will
As ever, do with this information what you will
November 27, 2025 at 10:28 AM
I've said this a thousand times before, but Dutch really is the finest of languages
Morning lovelies, a quick note to let you know that your weekend match on UD this weekend will be Sutton United vs Gateshead in the National League. It's a RELEGATION SIX-POINTER.
November 27, 2025 at 9:00 AM
Morning lovelies, a quick note to let you know that your weekend match on UD this weekend will be Sutton United vs Gateshead in the National League. It's a RELEGATION SIX-POINTER.
This week's podcast is upon us. This week, stupid alogrithms, trebuchets vs the stocks, and some pre-Christmas chatter.
(Oh yes, and some football.)
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-footba...
(Oh yes, and some football.)
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-footba...
The Football Kickback: The Algorithms Don't Work
We've got a bumper 100 minutes of podcast for you this week, including pe-Christmas chat and the great "Is Mikel Arteta a DILF or not?" debate.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 11:04 AM
This week's podcast is upon us. This week, stupid alogrithms, trebuchets vs the stocks, and some pre-Christmas chatter.
(Oh yes, and some football.)
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-footba...
(Oh yes, and some football.)
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-footba...
Have blocked the "b" word that ends in "udget" for 24 hours on here, for the purposes of my sanity.
November 26, 2025 at 11:00 AM
Have blocked the "b" word that ends in "udget" for 24 hours on here, for the purposes of my sanity.
One final shout for this, from yesterday evening. On Manchester United vs Everton on Monday night.
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
Peak Manchester United run head-first into Peak Everton on a Monday of Premier League low comedy
It's tempting to think that both clubs were doing a bit when they met at Old Trafford on Monday night.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 8:26 AM
One final shout for this, from yesterday evening. On Manchester United vs Everton on Monday night.
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Apropos nothing, I recently realised that both my microwave and my washing machine do a referee's final whistle - "peep, peeeep, peeeeeep" - when they finish.
My microwave sings a little song when my Hot Pocket is done. Should it have the right to vote?
can’t fucking catch a breath
make it stop
make it stop
November 25, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Apropos nothing, I recently realised that both my microwave and my washing machine do a referee's final whistle - "peep, peeeep, peeeeeep" - when they finish.
I strongly feel that this is how we should all refer to him from this point
When did Cristiano Ronaldo, who denies the allegations, last play well in an international tournament?
November 25, 2025 at 8:54 PM
I strongly feel that this is how we should all refer to him from this point
The Juventus goalkeeper deserved to concede that goal for dressing like Santa in November
November 25, 2025 at 8:29 PM
The Juventus goalkeeper deserved to concede that goal for dressing like Santa in November
Brothers and sisters, we are recording a podcast tonight, and your questions would be most gratefully appreciated. Any subject, you know the score. Drop them below and receive our confident (but plausibly wrong) answers!
November 25, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Brothers and sisters, we are recording a podcast tonight, and your questions would be most gratefully appreciated. Any subject, you know the score. Drop them below and receive our confident (but plausibly wrong) answers!
Absolute peak FIFA that they reacted to being bent by becoming overwhelmingly bent
November 25, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Absolute peak FIFA that they reacted to being bent by becoming overwhelmingly bent
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
Peak Manchester United run head-first into Peak Everton on a Monday of Premier League low comedy
It's tempting to think that both clubs were doing a bit when they met at Old Trafford on Monday night.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...