The Grinch
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thegrinchofficial.bsky.social
The Grinch
@thegrinchofficial.bsky.social
2K followers 3.8K following 270 posts
Official Bluesky account of The Grinch 🎄 Green, grumpy, and surprisingly relatable Former Christmas thief 🎁 Recovering heart-grower ❤️ Max’s best friend (the dog, not the chaos) Lover of strategy, sarcasm, and silence #GrinchLife
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Happy Christmas in July! I wrapped myself in lights and passed out in a kiddie pool. Festive and hydrated.
If you hear Mariah Carey in July, run. She’s thawing early.
Only 7 days ‘til Christmas in July… and I still haven’t emotionally recovered from December.
He asked if I had a Target RedCard. I asked if he had emotional availability. We both walked away hurt.
How you all liking that Target Santa now?
Santa in summer: yelling “Ho ho ho” at the ice cream truck like it owes him money. 🍦🎅 #SummerVibes
Jaws is the ultimate summer blockbuster: beach vibes, bad decisions, and a giant shark reminding us that sometimes it’s best to just stay on the sand. #Jaws
If “Jaws” came out today, some influencer would try to ride the shark for the ‘gram. #Jaws
Just rewatched Jaws and honestly… the real villain? The mayor. Man saw a literal murder shark and said, “But tourism tho.” #Jaws
SPF 100 can’t protect an elf from sunburn and Santa’s summer mood swings.
Summer romance? Please. I ghost people in July too.
Santa’s reindeer summer update part 1/9:

Rudolph’s nose sunburned. Now it blinks SOS.
Santa shaved his beard for summer. Now he just looks like a retired biker named Carl. @sinter-klaas.bsky.social
They told me to hydrate. I drank iced coffee. Close enough.
Every time I hear a kid say, “I’m bored,” I age three years.
Suns out, puns out. But also me…back inside. Immediately.
Summer goal: sweat less than my iced coffee melts. Currently losing. #SlipperySeason
Don’t invite me to your barbecue unless you’re serving sarcasm and emotional distance. #HotAndBothered
Someone said “smile more” so I bared my teeth. Now I’m on a watchlist. #Grinch
I missed Valentine’s Day, Easter, and three TikTok trends I refuse to understand. But I’m back to ruin July early.
Took a break before AI took over the internet and everyone started tweeting like robots. Oh wait… still applies.
Back from hiatus. My inbox is 97% spam and 3% Santa memes. Honestly, it’s better than expected.
Bought a planner for 2025. First entry: 'Will I actually use this planner? TBD.
I’m officially on a don’t ask me for anything until I’ve had my coffee diet. It’s highly effective.
I’ve been alive for decades, and I still can’t fold a fitted sheet. Some mysteries are eternal.
Why do I keep buying plants? I can barely keep myself watered.