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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · 28d

I've been struggling with my grandmothers Alzheimer's diagnosis lately, she's my favorite person and I'm on the other side of the country so I can't be with her. I wrote this today thinking of her.

Her favorite flower is a yellow rose.

The Long Goodbye

I told myself the last time that this would be it,
I made sure to get the photos, to spend the time, to say my goodbyes,
And then the following year, I did the same.
Counted my lucky stars that I got more time.

But it wasn’t luck, was it?
Because the following year I had to do it again,
I had to say my goodbyes again, and again, and again.
Now it feels like a waiting game.

Every day I wake up, almost anticipating getting the call.
I know it’s coming, but I don’t know when.
It could be today, tomorrow, a month from now, a year, or even a decade.
Her sister took seventeen years to finally say her goodbye,
But by that time, she didn’t remember who she was even saying goodbye to.

I don’t want to watch her fade,
I don’t want to watch the life I love disappear from her eyes,
For them to lose their magical sparkle.
But they already have, even if I’m not there to watch it.

I see her on her best days; once a year, she remembers who she is.
I bring her back to life, and for the briefest moment, she's okay.
Then she leaves when I do.

I haven’t seen what the others have seen,
Part of me hates myself for that,
The other part is glad I haven’t had to witness that.
I fear it would break me.

Part of me wishes it was already over, that she was at peace.
And I hate myself for that.
I know she never wanted this for herself,
A quick goodbye and a promise is what she would have rathered.
But we can’t always get what we want.

I miss her, and she isn’t even gone yet.
I hate long goodbyes,
Rip the band-aid off and be done with it.
But we can’t always get what we want.

By the time it’s over I’ll have mourned over and over again,
Maybe I won’t have any more tears left to cry,
Or maybe I’ll end up ripped apart in ways I didn’t know were possible.

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jul 24

the couple days before a vacation is always the most stressful, I leave in 3 days and I have a million and one things to do from now until then 🙃

Reposted by Chaotic Creator

Exulansis @exulansis-art.bsky.social · Jul 24

Today's project 🖤💀👀

Soo excited for these samples to come in!!

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jul 18

Quick & Easy 10 min Vegan Taco Recipe 🌮

Heat black beans, corn & taco seasoning in pan for 5-7 mins. Warm tortillas then fill with bean and corn mix, shredded lettuce, spicy mango salsa, and pickled jalapeño red onions.

In less than 10 minutes you have fresh vegan tacos!

#VeganTacos #QuickMeal

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jul 18

I just made the best tacos I think I've ever had in my entire life.
I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about them for the rest of the night.
Like damn, I just want to keep eating them lmfao

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jul 18

I just made the best tacos I think I've ever had in my entire life.
I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about them for the rest of the night.
Like damn, I just want to keep eating them lmfao

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jul 1

Got a new job that I start training for tomorrow!

Didn't think I'd ever want to go back bartending but this cute craft brewery seems like a lot of fun!

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jun 30

today I saw a little girl, no older than 7, with a lemonade stand set up in the parking lot of my building. I had no idea people still did that but it was so cute!

I got 2 and tipped her and she was so happy, she was a little hustler, even had e-transfer available hahaha

Reposted by Chaotic Creator

Exulansis @exulansis-art.bsky.social · Jun 30

Some floral drawings I did today 🌹🖤

#humanart #artist #noai #illustrations #floralart #doodles

A drawing of a flower, the two flowers in the center is red ink and the exterior leaves the ink is black. The drawing uses a mix of line work and pointillism.

A black triangle layered on top of a drawing of a flower, in the center of the triangle the flower is red ink while outside the triangle the ink is black. The drawing uses a mix of line work and pointillism.

A black line drawn down the center of a drawing of a flower, to the right of the flower is red ink while to the left, the ink is black. The drawing uses a mix of line work and pointillism.

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jun 27

Come back when you finish it

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Jun 27

I need to talk about squid game season 3 (including spoilers) if you've seen it all, comment below on what you thought of it.

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Apr 30

Also 89!! That's wildly impressive!!

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Apr 30

Oooo is it a standalone or in a series?

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Apr 29

I'll go first, I'm currently on my 22nd book but it's sooo hard to pick a favorite so I'll just give you my top 3, "heavenly tyrant", "finding me", and "a short stay in hell"

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Apr 29

How many books have you read so far in 2025? Which one was your favorite?

#booktok #books

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Mar 14

Listening to finding me by Viola Davis and this quote just really resonated

"the cure was courage"

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Reposted by Chaotic Creator

John Chen @johnchen.com.au · Feb 28

MILICENT PATRICK.
Artist & Creator of the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

33 790 3.3K

Reposted by Chaotic Creator

Srutis 🔞 @srutis.bsky.social · Feb 27

Honest to god art is easy as piss if you have your basic necessities met

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 26

I love having multiple books going at once!

Lately, I’ve been into having a physical book, an e-book, and an audiobook, so no matter what I’m doing, I can always sneak in a little reading and escape for a bit. 😂

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 25

Pop of purple 💜

#makeup #eyemakeup

Close up shot of my eye makeup, soft shimmery neutrals, browns and Grey's with a vibrant purple in my inner corner

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Reposted by Chaotic Creator

Exulansis @exulansis-art.bsky.social · Feb 25

Sssssssnake but make it geometric lol

#art #humanart #noai #snake #snakeart

A black and white snake drawing done in a pointillism black ink art style on white background. There is a lot of geometry incorporated into the piece, 2 large black triangles frame the snake with a 3rd most inner triangle, the part of the snake inside this inner triangle, the black ink is changed to red. The top and bottom triangles are black and the black ink is inverted to white and a black background.

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 24

I'm wondering the same, have you found any?

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 24

Frozen oil slick eye makeup ❄️🖤

#makeup #eyemakeup

Close up shot of my eye makeup, it's a soft dark smokey eye, the outer v is black blended out with a lighter mauve purple, the inner corner is shimmery mint green, the lid is a mix of purples, silver, green and pinks, the bottom lash line is purple and pink shimmery shadow.

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Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 23

On average, how many books do you read?

I went through a long reading slump and didn't read much at all, like last year I think I only got through 1-2 books the entire year, but this year I've been trying to read more, already in 2024 I've gotten through 5 books and I'm on my 6th

Chaotic Creator @thechaoticcreator.bsky.social · Feb 22

Totally fair, anime isn't my thing either, avatar is the only one I've ever been able to watch and enjoy