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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“
@takomatorch.bsky.social
12K followers 1K following 200 posts
Takoma Park's ONLY Humor Source. Home of the Nimbee and Takoma Man. www.takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· 1d
Case closed.
Epstein Files Accidentally Lost In East Wing Demolition
WASHINGTON, D.C. β€” In a tragic and totally unforeseeable accident, the long-awaited Epstein files were reportedly and accidentally destroyed this week when President Donald Trump ordered the demoli…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· 10d
"Now everyone wins: pedestrians get the illusion of safety, and drivers get to maintain their God-given right to barrel through Takoma Park like they’re late for a lacrosse game in Bethesda.”
SHA Rolls Out New β€˜Optional’ Speed Bumps on Carroll Avenue For Drivers Who Don’t Feel Like Slowing Down
TAKOMA PARK, MD β€” In a bold new traffic-calming strategy the Maryland State Highway Administration (SHA) installed a series of β€œoptional” speed bumps on Carroll Avenue, intentionally narrow enough …
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· 24d
β€œOf course I feel bad for everyone struggling,” he said while adjusting his Patagonia vest. β€œBut for me, personally? This is the universe telling me I’ve earned a break.”
Takoma Man Celebrates Easy Parking at Metro Station Due to Government Shutdown
TAKOMA PARK, MD β€” While most Americans brace for the chaos of a government shutdown, one Takoma Park resident admits he’s β€œkind of OK with it” if it means he can finally park at the Takoma Metro lo…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 24
Trump suck
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 23
Donald Jr is dumb
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 23
Live as Jesus lived.
CK
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 18
Kash Patel: Kirk's Assassin Left Manifesto Confessing FBI Director 'Super Handsome'
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 16
Tone Down the Hate Rhetoric, You Evil, Murderous Democrats
We never thought we’d have to say this, but here we are: Democrats, you need to stop the hate. Right now. Tone it down, you evil, disgusting, murderous piece-of-shit Marxists hell bent on destroyin…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 13
Well, she's insubordinate now...
takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 12
Breaking: The Lunatic Unaffiliated Is Out Of Control and Needs to Be Stopped
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 9
16 Million Jobs Created Under Biden Revised to Trump's First Month in Office, Updated BLS Data Shows
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 9
BREAKING: Speaker Johnson Claims Trump Didn't Pay Taxes Because He Was Informant for IRS
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 8
β€œThey say the pickle bar is β€˜free’ but really, you have to spend $15 on a reuben or an omelette to get the free pickles,” Elrich told the group with deli mustard on his half-tucked shirt.
Parkway Deli’s Pickle Bar β€˜Kind of Sucks’ Marc Elrich Says
SILVER SPRING, MD – Speaking at a District 18 Breakfast Club meeting at Parkway Deli Monday morning, County Executive Marc Elrich said the restaurant’s beloved free pickle bar β€œac…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Sep 1
DeSantis Orders Florida Police to Arrest Rainbow
erininthemorning.com Erin Reed @erininthemorning.com Β· Sep 1
1. On Saturday, a judge ordered Pulse pride crosswalk protester released from jail.

Police arrested him after he chalked the bottom of his shoe in rainbow colors and walked across it.

Sunday, police arrested 3 more under the same charges.

Subscribe to support my journalism.
Judge Orders Florida Rainbow Sidewalk Chalk Protestor Released From Jailβ€”Arrests Continue
In the latest twist on DeSantis' war on Pride crosswalks in the state, a judge has ruled that police had no probable cause to arrest a sidewalk chalkers. Then, three more were arrested.
www.erininthemorning.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 26
We love our new logo and we think you will, too.
New Takoma torch logo
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 22
Little League Player Ejected For Not Wearing Enough Pieces of Flair
Little League Player Ejected For Not Wearing Enough Pieces of Flair
WILLIAMSPORT, PA – Parents were left stunned Saturday when 12-year-old shortstop Mason β€œDrippy” Henderson was ejected from the Little League World Series for failing to meet the minimum numbe…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 19
β€œI feel blindsided," remarked one county resident. "The county should have warned us about this playground at least five years before my grandchildren were born.”
County Officials to Spend $15 Million on Community Engagement For $50k Playground
Photo Credit: Cuchulain/Wikipedia Commons ROCKVILLE, MD – Montgomery County officials proudly announced plans to invest $15 million in β€œrobust and meaningful community engagement” before appr…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 18
Nation Forced to Side With Grok
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 17
New Zoning Law Requires 2.5 Rec Centers for Each Condo Unit
westnorth.com Payton Chung @westnorth.com Β· Aug 17
"The city has already showed more interest in developing luxury condominiums than in building community recreation centers for children"
How are these (a) remotely comparable activities or (b) mutually exclusive activities in people's minds?
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 17
Our bee lawyer can really sting.
Takoma Torch to Lecture Harvard Law on Handling Frivolous Lawsuits From Shitheads
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Harvard Law School, long regarded as the world’s premier training ground for legal minds, has announced a new guest lecture series: β€œHow Not to Fold Like a Cheap Suit When a S…
takomatorch.com
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 16
Whew!
takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 16
Stay local!!
takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 15
BREAKING: Donald Trump Becomes Youngest Person To Ever Write Own Name at 79
Moron signs name with pen
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Aug 7
β€œParker is more than a robot. He’s a symbol of resistance. Of justice. Of preventing someone from Bethesda parking at our co-op just because they want to try β€˜hippie milk.’”
β€˜Parker’ the Parking Lot Robot Decommissioned by County, Immediately Leased by Takoma Park to Patrol Co-op Lot
TAKOMA PARK, MD – Just days after being unceremoniously decommissioned by the Montgomery County Council, Parker, the once-controversial parking lot robot, has found a new lease on life as the…
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takomatorch.bsky.social
The Takoma Torch πŸ”₯πŸ“ @takomatorch.bsky.social Β· Jul 27
Nice Neighborhood Just One Public Works Fuck-Up From Turning Into Crime-Ridden Shithole
Nice Neighborhood Just One Public Works Fuck-Up From Turning Into Crime-Ridden Shithole
A new study has found that safe, wealthy neighborhoods are at severe risk of becoming crime-ridden shitholes if local governments approve just one more minor public works enhancement. β€œThis s…
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