Author | Lightnews

Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 3d

Reminder that most ghost sightings in homes are actually a result of carbon dioxide in your air so if you want the perfect haunted house leak that shit all over the place

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 4d

This couple has been together for nearly 100 years and still keeps things interesting in the bedroom

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 5d

Was going through old texts of unsaved numbers and one was from a woman 5 years ago who said she wouldn't go out with me because I graduated from an art school. She was a therapist and said those were all her worst clients. Ive never understood a rejection so well

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 6d

Last weekend was No Kings this weekend is Yaas Queens amirite

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 6d

In the website's defense, doing lines in the white house is cool as fuck

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 6d

This makes sense when you remember his daughter barely ever met him

Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 6d

Going to the buffet blindfolded and sticking my hands in all the items pretending Im feeling different body parts of a witch

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 6d

All Im saying is that if you move one letter of the alphabet for each letter in the name HAL from space odyssey 2001 you get IBM but more importantly if you do it with George Bush's brother JEB you get KFC

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 12d

Abducting guys with black framed glasses by telling them my van is the criterion closet

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 14d

Thanks for reminding me of one of the worst Jewish articles about snl

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 17d

How it feels when people say happy birthday

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 17d

What people dont know about Christopher Columbus is that he was a huge Garfield fan so by having his holiday be on a permanent Monday its our form of passive aggressive rebellion against his crimes

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 18d

When I watch the American Pie Movies I only watch the Unrated version just as the director intended

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 19d

Broke: investing money in AI

Woke: investing in jack'o'lanterns

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 20d

Veterinarian: In order to give birth your pregnant cat will need to find a quiet dark spot where nobody goes

My wife: Sounds like our bedroom

The sitcom audience that followsus around: WOOOOOO!

Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 22d

My favorite detail in star trek is that it implies humanity needed 300 years to fully understand the genius of Joe Piscopo and we just aren't advanced enough to get him yet

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 26d

Ill give credit, the people who made this ad know exactly which fanbase needs therapy the most

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 26d

Cant believe Tilly Norwood has already joined scientology and signed on for a Roman Polanski movie

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 29d

This will take time for forgiveness

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · 29d

Ive been waiting in line all week outside the sex robot store for its big opening

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · Sep 30

Right now the writing staff for the new simpsons movie is brainstorming how to have a callback to showing Bart's penis

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · Sep 29

Your boss right before asking you to work on a holiday

frank zeppo (noah) @noahpasternak.bsky.social · Sep 29

logging on

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Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · Sep 29

I cant think of anything more libertarian that a government ignoring a states choices

Rob Steinberg @stobreinberg.bsky.social · Sep 27

I dont like that its crabs of all creatures inviting me