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spencer.

@spencerpart2.bsky.social

150 followers 190 following 320 posts

19 | he/him | worthless loser | non-edsky dni

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spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 16d

hey quick psa!!!! block my old account ( spencerbl4dez ) i got my account stolen so that isn't me and do not trust them i just realized they didn't delete it and it's still up. i can't view it and don't know what they're up to over there

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 38m

broke my fast last night because i started feeling sick, restarted around midnight.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 39m

i need to have more patience when i draw jfc

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

there is going to be a stranger in my house tomorrow and i am not fucking happy about it

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 17h

should i break my fast at 21 hours? would be some fruit and veg, my stomach is mad. not sure if i just wanna keep going with liquids or just eat something lowcal

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 20h

gonna c/s some burritos tn because i don't feel like purging

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 21h

i literally fucking shit my shorts while hanging decorations I JUST WANTED SOMETHING NICE. the past three weeks have been hell this is just insult to goddamn injury atp.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 21h

dude the worst thing just happened. wtf i hate my stupid meatsuit ahhhhhhhh

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 22h

i hate moving dude. im gonna have such a hard time in whatever new house we end up in by spring, i'll have a new layout to figure out and a new stove and a new everything. idk if i'll be sleeping very much when it happens

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 22h

im afraid all the time

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i have to fucking move in a few months.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

it's not something people talk about a lot but it does happen, it happened to me and it took me over 10 years to accept it was real. don't spend years doubting yourself and trying to convince yourself it was your fault, or that you shouldn't feel the way you do🫂🫂🖤🖤

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

this may seem like an out of the blue post but i was thinking about it and i just wanted to say that if you're out there and you are also a cocsa survivor i promise you're not alone and your story matters and you aren't being dramatic 🫂🫂

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i feel so fucking empty

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

they trust me with so much and yet i can barely bring myself to tell them that im sad.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i hate telling my friends about my feelings.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i hate telling my friends about my feelings.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i wont be wearing short sleeves again for a while i guess. at least it's winter so i have an excuse. i feel weird about it

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

falling back into the trap of sh, tonight makes three nights in a row. just like last time it feels like i cant stop.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

im ok now

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i hate everything i just want to scream and bang my head against the wall until these thoughts stop.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

everything hurts.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

how do i trust people again? how do i trust myself again? how do i trust myself to not get obsessed and attached to a new person who gives me attention the way she did? it all feels like my fault.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i need someone to rewire my brain. fix whatever it is that i broke up there.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i know i let it all happen, i know that. i know i ignored the red flags and i know that in the moment i fucking liked how crazy she was. but now i feel sick seeing women who look like her, seeing her name, i feel sick thinking about all of it. i hate myself for letting it go so far.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

im a worse person, i was afraid every moment we were together, afraid she'd hurt me if i left, afraid she'd hurt herself or someone else. i woke up everyday afraid my girlfriend would be dead, she cheated on me, enabled me, and wanted me to be the clyde to her bonnie and i know im also to blame

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

whether i call it toxic or simply unhealthy and enabling it doesn't fucking matter because ive had panic attacks thinking i see her, i avoid entire parts of town, i have her fucking name etched into my skin and i want to rip it out. i want to forget i ever met her

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 1d

i got this tattoo as a reminder that i survived a toxic relationship but right now it's just making me think of her and all i wanna do it slash at it until it's gone.

it's a bumble bee. that was my nickname for her.