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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Sep 5

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

I'm coming down with a cold.

My nose has more drip than my wardrobe.

If I were almost ANYBODY else, that statement might have some clout.

#FasionImpaired #DressLikeAHobo #ButHeyItsComfortable

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Sep 4

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner
Another skewed take on #Comics and #PopCulture.

"Holy Intoxilock, Batman!"

Bruce Wayne has a drinking problem.

substack.com

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Sep 2

Hey, guys, sorry I've been posting less frequently here. I've been working on a lot of longer-form #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner stuff over on Substack. Here's a recent drop, and I have a few more forthcoming:

Thanks for reading, and for the support. It means a lot.

Harley Quinn, Medicine Woman

Harley Quinn was once Dr.

open.substack.com

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 24

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

Smokey is embarrassed as shit. He's trying to convince all his friends that Tokey's only a cousin by marriage, like he's taking PR advice from the #Arkansas bears, for some reason... (3/3)

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 24

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

Tokey the Bear is a little TOO chill. Forgets what he's supposed to be doing, starts makin' #S'mores. Next thing you know, there's another fuckin' #wildfire in #California, man. (2/3)

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 24

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

Smokey the Bear IS #CocaineBear. Got that SUPER intense motto: "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." Up in a fire tower doin' rails at 2am to increase his vigilance. Now, I hate to say it, but he's probably a better choice than his California cousin, Tokey. (1/3)

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 11

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Marijuana #Humor #GenX #Legalization #Nonfiction #UnlessTheStatuteOfLimitationsIsStillInEffect #ThenFictionAF

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Stoner

Yes, I'm aware it's the name of the blog. It's also the name of this post.

open.substack.com

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 6

The trade-off for bad things not lasting is that good things don't last, either. Is it worth it?

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #SayingGoodbye #OwnerOfABrokenHeart #ThePhilosophyOfLoss

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 3

Tim McKenzie

I've created a Substack, for some of the longer-form ideas that don't really translate well to Bluesky. Feel free to find more at:

confessionsofamiddleagedstoner.substack.com/subscribe?pa...

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #ShamelessSelfPromotion

Subscribe to Tim McKenzie

Click to read Tim McKenzie, a Substack publication. Launched 4 days ago.

confessionsofamiddleagedstoner.substack.com

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 3

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #BaseballAndExistentialCinema #LifeIsFleetingInadequateCatchingIsEternal

[A Substack Note from Tim McKenzie reads]

Being a St. Louisan, I misread a comment about Werner Herzog as WHITEY Herzog. VERY different commentary. I would like to combine the two: "I told McGee to steal third, not because it was wise, but because the universe is mocking us and -- in that moment -- I wished to stare into the abyss and return the taunt. The runners stranded on second and third represent the meaningless, transitory nature of life's utter futility, as we fall half a game behind Montreal, firmly in sixth place. As we continue marching toward our inevitable demise, the crowd continues to cheer, but not from hope -- only to drown the screaming silence within."

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Aug 2

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

*staggers very high into bedroom, stomps one leg down and flops on the bed, one leg raised*

"Stuck the landing!"

#CirqueDuSoBlazed

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 30

The corporate world has taught me crying in the broom closet on my break isn't an emotional breakdown. It's "effective time management." I kid. At this end stage of capitalism, we don't get breaks. I'm just grateful to not be peeing in a jar like an Amazon worker. Yet. I haven't read today's emails.

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 29

#BlueSky benefits for United and JetBlue have nothing to do with #SocialMedia? I thought I was earning #FrequentFlyer miles this whole time...

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #BackToTheDrawingBoard #LooksLikeImWalkingToBaltimore

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 26

I used "e-fuckin'-nough" today on #SpeechToText, and it actually followed me. My phone and I have bonded. #Motorola clearly understands #GenX needs better, and has trained their software to be prepared to drop a "fuckin'" anywhere.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Technology #AutocorrectNoMore

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 25

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner

Too long to use here, so I made an image.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #Writing #WritersLife #AboutTheAuthor #Mystery

Why don't author's just fuck with the format? Like make the "About The Author" page be the climax of the book. 200 pages of mystery, then Henrì Peugeot -- the "World's Greatest Detective™" -- addresses the suspects: "It is clear that Madame Dauphine was killed for only one reason. Professional ambition. There was no robbery. Nothing as uncouth as sexual perversion. She was killed off to advance the story, and generate a guaranteed Bestseller for her killer..."

[Flips Page]

[Goofy looking photo of me in my early 30s, clean shaven, hair pulled back in a ponytail, for some reason wearing a *fucking polo*?!?!?!? What fucking agent talked me into this fresh hell?]

Timothy McKenzie is a middle-aged stoner, writer, recovering broadcaster, and unfortunate participant of end-stage capitalism.

His debut effort, "Confessions of a Middle-Aged Stoner," contained cosmic musings, low stakes rebellion, and philosophical potholes guaranteed to damage even the toughest suspension ("The Warranty Voider," one guy at Meinecke called it). It also spent 78 weeks atop the New York Times "Humor" bestseller list, only 17 of which have already happened, so go pick up an extra copy while you're here in the store. Additionally his second essay collection, "Iowa Nice," was well reviewed by his hometown paper in a highly publicized payola scandal that -- for the life of me -- I don't know why I'm bringing up now. He crossed into the fiction charts with "The Never Ending Garden Salad of Eden." "Scruffy's on a Farm Upstate" is his first mystery.

He resides in an undisclosed location somewhere in the upper Midwest -- which is a perfect place to practice the B.A. in Passive-Aggressive Politeness he earned from Southwest Wisconsin State-Eau Claire -- with his wife, children, and five dogs which, in hindsight, was too many. He also has an offer of a "really nice place to stay" in the Seattle area that he ostentatiously refers to as his "Vacation property on Puget Sound." He is a duly ordained Dude…

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 25

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner:

I am now officially "have self-referentially used a Grandpa Simpson GIF unironically" years old.

Cake's in the kitchen. Help yourself.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner #GenX #TheSimpsons #GrandpaSimpson #AgingTooQuickly

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 20

(2/2)You may have bottle caps in a geosynchronous orbit around you, they'll find someone bigger.

And by "Bottle Caps," you could have the metal ones with the Coor's logo on them or the candies from Wonka, in any combination.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 20

(1/2)If you ever get fat and want to feel better about yourself, go to Pluto TV and watch "The Price is Right: The Barker Years." You will not go two episodes without seeing a contestant larger than you. Doesn't matter how large you are.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 15

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner

Morning #Meditation: " #TwoWolves live within you. One wants #TacoBell. The other wants the first one to bring him back a Crunchwrap Supreme. And a steak quesadilla. Maybe an extra large Baja Blast. You're EXTREMELY stoned.

#ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 13

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner

#Cereal is just a sugary grain gazpacho that we all just somehow agree is a suitable #Breakfast

#SometimesWithAToyInside #BalancedBreakfastIsABowlInEachHand #MakesItHardToHoldTheCoffeeMug #WakeUpAndSmellTheCrunchberries #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner

Reposted by Tim McKenzie

Raider @iwillnotbesilenced.bsky.social · Jul 13

ICE GOONS hanging out in the lobby of Glendale Memorial Hospital

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Reposted by Tim McKenzie

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · Jul 13

Raskin: "By covering up, they are just reproducing and spreading the conspiracy theory ... you don't have to blame some shadowy deep state. Donald Trump and Pam Bondi are the ones who have the power to release the Epstein files. They're the closest thing we have to the deep state right now."

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Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 13

Tim McKenzie @siumoose.bsky.social · Jul 12

#Confessions of a #MiddleAged #Stoner

Every time my wife orders #pizza, I get a special little bonus: #DinnerAndAShow, because my #dogs will stage an all-canine #revival of #OliverTwist.

#PleaseSirMayIHaveSomeCrust #Dickens #Pets #DogDad #ConfessionsOfAMiddleAgedStoner