@shadowbb.bsky.social
19 followers 14 following 210 posts
sometimes “tweeting” | usually editing | often writing we probably know each other from somewhere else
Posts Media Videos Starter Packs
Pinned
out: girl math
in: book math (whereby any $ you spend on books is stored in a cosmic ledger that increases your karmic quota)
so long story short, spooky season is officially upon us. may you have similar encounters that remind you that you’re being looked after & cared for, even when it feels like you’re just floating through life on your own.
if you don’t know about the series (a family dynasty of witches are haunted for centuries by a demon named Lasher who takes them as his lovers) finding the book this way is so in line with the plot that it’s almost creepy.
fast forward to today, post-diner breakfast, where i pass a box of books on the street & what should be inside? a dusty, jacketed hardcover of the sequel, Lasher, with the OG 1993 gothic typeface—making it a possible first edition or at least one of the first print run
in the years that followed, i read other titles of hers that i had, but i always hoped to return to this trilogy bc while its not as famous as the vampire chronicles, it’s got some of the weirdest, most hedonistic plot lines you can imagine. & despite each one being like 400+ pages, they’re riveting
how i know the veil is thinning: i usually read Anne Rice around this time to mark the season. in ‘21, a few months prior to her passing from stroke complications, i read “the witching hour” & wanted to continue the trilogy but could never find a copy of the sequel.
i hope that doors open like this for the ones who need it. may the scenes inside be so warm & welcoming that the doors who slammed shut can at last fade quietly into the woodwork.
that ownership & vulnerability mixed with forgiveness can lead to new doors in yourself & the people you love that you never knew could exist.

this is not to say that anyone you’ve written off will change overnight. but the genuine attempts mean a lot
you can’t choose where you come from & you can’t undo harm or the ways your growth shifted to accommodate things it was never supposed to. but sometimes without even meaning to, people will remind you of the limits to what you can see & where unchecked self-protection can sour into self-harm
to see that the person he’s chosen to spend his life with so joyfully embodies qualities that i tried to cultivate in myself & believed for so long he resented, is just one layer. to realize that maybe you were seen after all & he just didn’t have the language to express it, another
my brother & i always had a fraught relationship that at points in our childhood became really toxic bc of circumstances beyond our control. but the way he’s made a point to grow past where we were while taking me with him has been both unexpected & v emotional
i can’t tell anyone yet so i’m saying it here—my brother asked me to be his “best woman” last night & i’ve been weeping on & off all day bc of it
no one tells you that there is in fact a cost to always being the bigger person & it’s either your sanity, your youth, or your dignity
imagine knowing that you already have everything you need to succeed except that it’s all written on tiny fortune cookie sized scrolls that have been scattered across the 4 winds of your mind & all you have to do is find them all & put them together within an undetermined length of time or game over
proud to say that i’m only *a little bit* of the problem
bc the solution to adhd-induced task paralysis & crippling perfectionism is obviously modern appliances, right
same with being slightly psychic. every now & then a light flickers somewhere in the woods
anything beyond that is a liability better left unsaid
the best part of being slightly telepathic is ever-so-slightly cheating during party games
I’m sorry people take open comments as an invitation for behavior like that. People should be able to celebrate their life without others being creeps. Just ruins it for everyone, really
this is my problem—why just lie or do the obvious when you can be insufferably clever to the amusement of no one but yourself until you’ve used up all your creativity tokens in a way that’s completely pointless
trying to decide how creative to get with this. do i choose a work activity that thematically aligns with what i’ll really be doing (e.g. clean up files/run the dishwasher) or do i name the block something plausible but the first letter of each word spells out “couch rot” or something
blocking out my calendar with tasks that look legit so it appears that i’m in back to back meetings on a day that some people have off & others don’t because telling British colleagues in earnest that you’re off for columbus/indigenous people’s day is a joke
specifically the way that allowing yourself to experience love—for yourself & another—freely, means allowing yourself to be changed in one way or another by someone else
irl procrastination scene outside that’s making me think of “people collide” & how beautiful & tragic it is to find the limits of your existence by coming up against & merging with another’s
the rain leaves bubbles that float across soaking gravel where they hover—

until the wind makes them collide & disappear