Scott Clevenger
@scottclevenger.bsky.social
Author. Co-host of The Slumgullion podcast. Hypocritical screenwriter. I write mean but funny movie reviews at Better Living Through Bad Movies: https://clevenger.substack.com
MOM: Oh look! You kids finished your robot playmate?
BOY: Bodyguard.
MOM: Wow! I guess those hearts show all the love he has inside?
BOY: Actually each represents a heart torn from the chest of one of my enemies.
MOM: wut
BOY: I believe you'll find the playground is remarkably bully free.
BOY: Bodyguard.
MOM: Wow! I guess those hearts show all the love he has inside?
BOY: Actually each represents a heart torn from the chest of one of my enemies.
MOM: wut
BOY: I believe you'll find the playground is remarkably bully free.
December 8, 2025 at 4:42 PM
MOM: Oh look! You kids finished your robot playmate?
BOY: Bodyguard.
MOM: Wow! I guess those hearts show all the love he has inside?
BOY: Actually each represents a heart torn from the chest of one of my enemies.
MOM: wut
BOY: I believe you'll find the playground is remarkably bully free.
BOY: Bodyguard.
MOM: Wow! I guess those hearts show all the love he has inside?
BOY: Actually each represents a heart torn from the chest of one of my enemies.
MOM: wut
BOY: I believe you'll find the playground is remarkably bully free.
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
It's capitalism. People can't afford shit and they don't want to be constantly sold more shit. It doesn't matter the subject and there is no magic answer the capitalists are going to like. Y'all went too far and got too greedy and the system is collapsing. You have to keep the serfs placated guys.
December 8, 2025 at 2:06 AM
It's capitalism. People can't afford shit and they don't want to be constantly sold more shit. It doesn't matter the subject and there is no magic answer the capitalists are going to like. Y'all went too far and got too greedy and the system is collapsing. You have to keep the serfs placated guys.
It's the new My First Peace Prize by Fisher Price.
FIFA peace prize...wow.
Just
wow
Just
wow
December 7, 2025 at 11:32 PM
It's the new My First Peace Prize by Fisher Price.
"What to do when you find a baby on the doorstep!"
Grab your licorice stick and blow some hot tasty licks while your wife loudly clog dances around the parlor until it goes away.
Grab your licorice stick and blow some hot tasty licks while your wife loudly clog dances around the parlor until it goes away.
December 7, 2025 at 5:43 PM
"What to do when you find a baby on the doorstep!"
Grab your licorice stick and blow some hot tasty licks while your wife loudly clog dances around the parlor until it goes away.
Grab your licorice stick and blow some hot tasty licks while your wife loudly clog dances around the parlor until it goes away.
HIM: Pony Mail for Prescott!
HER: There's no one here by that name.
HIM: Candygram for Mongo!
HER: You have the wrong address.
HIM: Bullet for unhelpful bitch!
HER: HEY!
HER: There's no one here by that name.
HIM: Candygram for Mongo!
HER: You have the wrong address.
HIM: Bullet for unhelpful bitch!
HER: HEY!
December 7, 2025 at 3:34 AM
HIM: Pony Mail for Prescott!
HER: There's no one here by that name.
HIM: Candygram for Mongo!
HER: You have the wrong address.
HIM: Bullet for unhelpful bitch!
HER: HEY!
HER: There's no one here by that name.
HIM: Candygram for Mongo!
HER: You have the wrong address.
HIM: Bullet for unhelpful bitch!
HER: HEY!
HER: There! I have splashed you with ACID!
HIM: Citric acid
HER: YES!
HIM: Lemon juice actually
HER: And now you are HORRIBLY DISFIGURED
HIM: I mean it might give me a few freckles if I go out in the sun--
HER: DEFACED BY FRECKLES! Yes! My revenge is truly horrible!
HIM: I'll say...
HIM: Citric acid
HER: YES!
HIM: Lemon juice actually
HER: And now you are HORRIBLY DISFIGURED
HIM: I mean it might give me a few freckles if I go out in the sun--
HER: DEFACED BY FRECKLES! Yes! My revenge is truly horrible!
HIM: I'll say...
December 6, 2025 at 4:43 PM
HER: There! I have splashed you with ACID!
HIM: Citric acid
HER: YES!
HIM: Lemon juice actually
HER: And now you are HORRIBLY DISFIGURED
HIM: I mean it might give me a few freckles if I go out in the sun--
HER: DEFACED BY FRECKLES! Yes! My revenge is truly horrible!
HIM: I'll say...
HIM: Citric acid
HER: YES!
HIM: Lemon juice actually
HER: And now you are HORRIBLY DISFIGURED
HIM: I mean it might give me a few freckles if I go out in the sun--
HER: DEFACED BY FRECKLES! Yes! My revenge is truly horrible!
HIM: I'll say...
DAD: (PUTTING CAR IN PARK) Okay kids, wake up back there! Put on your hats and coats, we're at Santa's Vill--OH MY GOD!
December 6, 2025 at 12:39 AM
DAD: (PUTTING CAR IN PARK) Okay kids, wake up back there! Put on your hats and coats, we're at Santa's Vill--OH MY GOD!
The existence of Salad Master implies the existence of Salad Submissive.
December 5, 2025 at 6:08 PM
The existence of Salad Master implies the existence of Salad Submissive.
As a Xenomorph hatchling, festively costumed as a teddy bear, bursts from Santa’s chest, the children scream and weep and Frosty suddenly regrets having skipped the rehearsal.
December 4, 2025 at 5:00 PM
As a Xenomorph hatchling, festively costumed as a teddy bear, bursts from Santa’s chest, the children scream and weep and Frosty suddenly regrets having skipped the rehearsal.
The Japanese have assimilated and refined many elements of traditional American culture, but they've never *quite* got the hang of Christmas decorating.
December 4, 2025 at 12:42 AM
The Japanese have assimilated and refined many elements of traditional American culture, but they've never *quite* got the hang of Christmas decorating.
RONALD: YES, my minions! For years you've lived in fear of human hunger, but now that I've given you eyes and mouths and a taste for human flesh, you are free to devour my enemies and yours!
GIRL: Leave nothin' but the bones!
BOY: Eat my parents first!
GIRL: Leave nothin' but the bones!
BOY: Eat my parents first!
December 3, 2025 at 4:57 PM
RONALD: YES, my minions! For years you've lived in fear of human hunger, but now that I've given you eyes and mouths and a taste for human flesh, you are free to devour my enemies and yours!
GIRL: Leave nothin' but the bones!
BOY: Eat my parents first!
GIRL: Leave nothin' but the bones!
BOY: Eat my parents first!
HIM: Hey look! I found the Golden Treasure!
HER: What the hell? I've been looking for that since 536 BC! Where was it?
HIM: Junk drawer. Under some old S&H Green Stamp books.
HER: Hmph! Well I don't think much of your filing system, Bob, but at least we can start having sex again.
HER: What the hell? I've been looking for that since 536 BC! Where was it?
HIM: Junk drawer. Under some old S&H Green Stamp books.
HER: Hmph! Well I don't think much of your filing system, Bob, but at least we can start having sex again.
December 3, 2025 at 12:47 AM
HIM: Hey look! I found the Golden Treasure!
HER: What the hell? I've been looking for that since 536 BC! Where was it?
HIM: Junk drawer. Under some old S&H Green Stamp books.
HER: Hmph! Well I don't think much of your filing system, Bob, but at least we can start having sex again.
HER: What the hell? I've been looking for that since 536 BC! Where was it?
HIM: Junk drawer. Under some old S&H Green Stamp books.
HER: Hmph! Well I don't think much of your filing system, Bob, but at least we can start having sex again.
PRINCESS: In the name of my father the king, I hereby recognize the service thou hast done His Majesty, by, uh...
[checks notes]
...inventing an effective and practical armored clown shoe?
[double checks notes. sighs]
...and dub thee a knight of the realm. Arise, Sir Bozo.
[checks notes]
...inventing an effective and practical armored clown shoe?
[double checks notes. sighs]
...and dub thee a knight of the realm. Arise, Sir Bozo.
December 2, 2025 at 5:58 PM
PRINCESS: In the name of my father the king, I hereby recognize the service thou hast done His Majesty, by, uh...
[checks notes]
...inventing an effective and practical armored clown shoe?
[double checks notes. sighs]
...and dub thee a knight of the realm. Arise, Sir Bozo.
[checks notes]
...inventing an effective and practical armored clown shoe?
[double checks notes. sighs]
...and dub thee a knight of the realm. Arise, Sir Bozo.
"A planet where butt plugs evolved from Grinches??"
Artist's conception of Steely Dan emerging from a hole in Uranus.
Artist's conception of Steely Dan emerging from a hole in Uranus.
December 1, 2025 at 4:51 PM
"A planet where butt plugs evolved from Grinches??"
Artist's conception of Steely Dan emerging from a hole in Uranus.
Artist's conception of Steely Dan emerging from a hole in Uranus.
HER: Hello?! HELLO?? I think a bloody Desi Arnaz is outside my window! Please send someone right away!
VOICE ON PHONE: Ma'm, this is a Wendy's.
HER: I know, he looks hungry. Oh, and I'll take the Baconator® Combo with a medium vanilla Frosty.
VOICE ON PHONE: Ma'm, this is a Wendy's.
HER: I know, he looks hungry. Oh, and I'll take the Baconator® Combo with a medium vanilla Frosty.
November 30, 2025 at 8:26 PM
HER: Hello?! HELLO?? I think a bloody Desi Arnaz is outside my window! Please send someone right away!
VOICE ON PHONE: Ma'm, this is a Wendy's.
HER: I know, he looks hungry. Oh, and I'll take the Baconator® Combo with a medium vanilla Frosty.
VOICE ON PHONE: Ma'm, this is a Wendy's.
HER: I know, he looks hungry. Oh, and I'll take the Baconator® Combo with a medium vanilla Frosty.
"Ultraman, look out! A hostile species of alien Blancmange has landed on earth!"
"Yeah, so I noticed..."
"AND THEY MEAN TO WIN WIMBLETON!"
"Yeah, so I noticed..."
"AND THEY MEAN TO WIN WIMBLETON!"
November 30, 2025 at 5:31 PM
"Ultraman, look out! A hostile species of alien Blancmange has landed on earth!"
"Yeah, so I noticed..."
"AND THEY MEAN TO WIN WIMBLETON!"
"Yeah, so I noticed..."
"AND THEY MEAN TO WIN WIMBLETON!"
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
Every time we get a massive snowstorm here in Iowa, I can't help but think of The Day The Earth Froze from MST3K.
November 29, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Every time we get a massive snowstorm here in Iowa, I can't help but think of The Day The Earth Froze from MST3K.
HIM: Oh no! I'm so SAD! I can't go on...!
HER: What the hell's your problem?
HIM: Artax is sinking into the Swamp of Sadness!
HER: It's a steer and I've already got a rope on it. It's fine.
HIM: (SOBS PITEOUSLY)
HER: Bob. Seriously. You gotta stop pulling this shit every time a cow slips in the mud.
HER: What the hell's your problem?
HIM: Artax is sinking into the Swamp of Sadness!
HER: It's a steer and I've already got a rope on it. It's fine.
HIM: (SOBS PITEOUSLY)
HER: Bob. Seriously. You gotta stop pulling this shit every time a cow slips in the mud.
November 29, 2025 at 5:17 PM
HIM: Oh no! I'm so SAD! I can't go on...!
HER: What the hell's your problem?
HIM: Artax is sinking into the Swamp of Sadness!
HER: It's a steer and I've already got a rope on it. It's fine.
HIM: (SOBS PITEOUSLY)
HER: Bob. Seriously. You gotta stop pulling this shit every time a cow slips in the mud.
HER: What the hell's your problem?
HIM: Artax is sinking into the Swamp of Sadness!
HER: It's a steer and I've already got a rope on it. It's fine.
HIM: (SOBS PITEOUSLY)
HER: Bob. Seriously. You gotta stop pulling this shit every time a cow slips in the mud.
How do you handle a Hungry Man? Ordinarily Joan would go with one of the Manhandlers--perhaps Campbell's Hearty Split Pea Soup with Ham--but Gordon was a disembodied celestial being who fed exclusively upon dark matter and nip slips.
November 28, 2025 at 2:27 PM
How do you handle a Hungry Man? Ordinarily Joan would go with one of the Manhandlers--perhaps Campbell's Hearty Split Pea Soup with Ham--but Gordon was a disembodied celestial being who fed exclusively upon dark matter and nip slips.
JUDY: Wait...so they give you drugs to make you GAIN weight? No, those aren't like the pills I get from Mr. Mayer at ALL...
November 28, 2025 at 5:24 AM
JUDY: Wait...so they give you drugs to make you GAIN weight? No, those aren't like the pills I get from Mr. Mayer at ALL...
ME, a believer and practitioner of our American traditions, rises, puts on robe and slippers, pours cup of coffee, and sits down at the computer: Welp! There's gotta be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon going on SOMEwhere in the world...
November 27, 2025 at 5:13 PM
ME, a believer and practitioner of our American traditions, rises, puts on robe and slippers, pours cup of coffee, and sits down at the computer: Welp! There's gotta be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon going on SOMEwhere in the world...
"Say, I wonder if I left that Jiffy Pop on the sto--OH MY GOD!"
November 27, 2025 at 5:07 PM
"Say, I wonder if I left that Jiffy Pop on the sto--OH MY GOD!"
IS YOUR TURKEY A "NEVER NUDE"?
Don't let your bird get goosebumps! Or self-conscious. Cover its shame with the new Pillsbury Turkey Dicky, complete with French Cuffs and Bake-On Bowtie®!
Don't let your bird get goosebumps! Or self-conscious. Cover its shame with the new Pillsbury Turkey Dicky, complete with French Cuffs and Bake-On Bowtie®!
November 27, 2025 at 2:16 AM
IS YOUR TURKEY A "NEVER NUDE"?
Don't let your bird get goosebumps! Or self-conscious. Cover its shame with the new Pillsbury Turkey Dicky, complete with French Cuffs and Bake-On Bowtie®!
Don't let your bird get goosebumps! Or self-conscious. Cover its shame with the new Pillsbury Turkey Dicky, complete with French Cuffs and Bake-On Bowtie®!
"So you were homeschooled, huh? Did you take all the same classes?"
"Yep."
"Even P.E.?"
"Of course!"
"And was Sex Ed the same?"
"Uh...Well..."
"Yep."
"Even P.E.?"
"Of course!"
"And was Sex Ed the same?"
"Uh...Well..."
November 26, 2025 at 3:54 PM
"So you were homeschooled, huh? Did you take all the same classes?"
"Yep."
"Even P.E.?"
"Of course!"
"And was Sex Ed the same?"
"Uh...Well..."
"Yep."
"Even P.E.?"
"Of course!"
"And was Sex Ed the same?"
"Uh...Well..."
New Slumguillion! Jeff and Scott welcome suave British podcaster Dave Probert (of Channel 37's Midnight Movie Show) to discuss Michael Flatley's hymn to himself, the abysmally funny Casablanca retread, Blackbird (2018).📽
slumgullionpodcast.blogspot.com/2025/11/epis...
slumgullionpodcast.blogspot.com/2025/11/epis...
Episode 117: Michael Flatley's BLACKBIRD with Dave Probert
Jeff and Scott welcome suave British podcaster Dave Probert (of Channel 37's Midnight Movie Show ) to discuss Michael Flatley's hymn to hims...
slumgullionpodcast.blogspot.com
November 26, 2025 at 12:20 AM
New Slumguillion! Jeff and Scott welcome suave British podcaster Dave Probert (of Channel 37's Midnight Movie Show) to discuss Michael Flatley's hymn to himself, the abysmally funny Casablanca retread, Blackbird (2018).📽
slumgullionpodcast.blogspot.com/2025/11/epis...
slumgullionpodcast.blogspot.com/2025/11/epis...