Sam Ellis
@samellis.bsky.social
I was once politely asked to leave a Cracker Barrel. (Voice) actor, writer, comedian, gamer, semi-functional human being. he/him BLM
I will continue to ask this until the issue is resolved.
January 26, 2026 at 11:14 PM
I will continue to ask this until the issue is resolved.
Naturally, this triggered a conversation between @dmjazzyhands.bsky.social and I because we’re insufferable and we (I) have concluded this is not as dumb a question as it seems, but it is the WRONG question.
The correct question is “Why do hummingbirds have feet?”
(I am completely sober right now)
The correct question is “Why do hummingbirds have feet?”
(I am completely sober right now)
January 26, 2026 at 7:09 PM
Naturally, this triggered a conversation between @dmjazzyhands.bsky.social and I because we’re insufferable and we (I) have concluded this is not as dumb a question as it seems, but it is the WRONG question.
The correct question is “Why do hummingbirds have feet?”
(I am completely sober right now)
The correct question is “Why do hummingbirds have feet?”
(I am completely sober right now)
I hit my reading goal this year and now I’m making that your problem!
Come watch me tier rank the 57 books I read this year today at 1 PM ET at twitch.tv/ellisthe12th
Come watch me tier rank the 57 books I read this year today at 1 PM ET at twitch.tv/ellisthe12th
December 30, 2025 at 1:27 PM
I hit my reading goal this year and now I’m making that your problem!
Come watch me tier rank the 57 books I read this year today at 1 PM ET at twitch.tv/ellisthe12th
Come watch me tier rank the 57 books I read this year today at 1 PM ET at twitch.tv/ellisthe12th
Finally watching Del Toro’s Frankenstein and my full thoughts are TBD, but I will say that I was not prepared for Lauren Collins to make an appearance, and my partner was DEFINITELY not prepared for my 20 minute info dump about her iconic time as Paige Michalchuk on Degrassi: The Next Generation.
December 2, 2025 at 2:04 AM
Finally watching Del Toro’s Frankenstein and my full thoughts are TBD, but I will say that I was not prepared for Lauren Collins to make an appearance, and my partner was DEFINITELY not prepared for my 20 minute info dump about her iconic time as Paige Michalchuk on Degrassi: The Next Generation.
Failures as a white dude: haven’t seen Back to The Future or *gasp* The Godfather
Failures as an actor/theatermaker/person with a BFA: haven’t seen or read Hamlet in its entirety (and at this point it’s become a game to see how long I can keep that streak going)
Failures as an actor/theatermaker/person with a BFA: haven’t seen or read Hamlet in its entirety (and at this point it’s become a game to see how long I can keep that streak going)
Inspired by a post I just saw in which someone admitted they hadn’t seen a single episode of Friends nor the film Love Actually… what cultural hole do you have that’s a bit weird for your generation?
I’ll go first: I haven’t seen Dirty Dancing.
I’ll go first: I haven’t seen Dirty Dancing.
October 6, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Failures as a white dude: haven’t seen Back to The Future or *gasp* The Godfather
Failures as an actor/theatermaker/person with a BFA: haven’t seen or read Hamlet in its entirety (and at this point it’s become a game to see how long I can keep that streak going)
Failures as an actor/theatermaker/person with a BFA: haven’t seen or read Hamlet in its entirety (and at this point it’s become a game to see how long I can keep that streak going)
Self-tape auditions are a pain in the ass, but sometimes they give you an excuse to shout “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” at your boyfriend and that is a 10/10 experience that I cannot recommend enough.
October 5, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Self-tape auditions are a pain in the ass, but sometimes they give you an excuse to shout “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” at your boyfriend and that is a 10/10 experience that I cannot recommend enough.
Dealer: Name of the game is 5 card stud.
Player 1: I’m in.
Player 2: I’m in.
Me, wearing only 5 playing cards taped strategically to my body: So there’s been a misunderstanding.
Player 1: I’m in.
Player 2: I’m in.
Me, wearing only 5 playing cards taped strategically to my body: So there’s been a misunderstanding.
October 4, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Dealer: Name of the game is 5 card stud.
Player 1: I’m in.
Player 2: I’m in.
Me, wearing only 5 playing cards taped strategically to my body: So there’s been a misunderstanding.
Player 1: I’m in.
Player 2: I’m in.
Me, wearing only 5 playing cards taped strategically to my body: So there’s been a misunderstanding.
One terrible thing about being from a small town is when you casually use a folksy phrase from home and immediately think "God, I hope that doesn't have a racist origin."
October 3, 2025 at 12:18 PM
One terrible thing about being from a small town is when you casually use a folksy phrase from home and immediately think "God, I hope that doesn't have a racist origin."
Everyone argues about who the villain of Devil Wears Prada is, but we can all agree the moral of that story is “If you live in New York, your friends, lover, coworkers and boss will all be huge assholes.”
September 26, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Everyone argues about who the villain of Devil Wears Prada is, but we can all agree the moral of that story is “If you live in New York, your friends, lover, coworkers and boss will all be huge assholes.”
New mother: Actually, we’d prefer to use ‘they/them’ pronouns until the baby is old enough to-
Me: Are you asking me to stop referring to your baby as “it”?
NM: Yes, please and thank you.
Me: Are you asking me to stop referring to your baby as “it”?
NM: Yes, please and thank you.
September 25, 2025 at 6:39 PM
New mother: Actually, we’d prefer to use ‘they/them’ pronouns until the baby is old enough to-
Me: Are you asking me to stop referring to your baby as “it”?
NM: Yes, please and thank you.
Me: Are you asking me to stop referring to your baby as “it”?
NM: Yes, please and thank you.
It’s good to see the Silent Hill monster design team are still some of the biggest perverts to ever walk God’s green Earth.
September 24, 2025 at 6:07 PM
It’s good to see the Silent Hill monster design team are still some of the biggest perverts to ever walk God’s green Earth.
“You don’t have a problem, lots of people have a glass of wine or two while they make dinner” I tell myself as I pull my 5-minute lasagna from the microwave.
September 24, 2025 at 1:37 AM
“You don’t have a problem, lots of people have a glass of wine or two while they make dinner” I tell myself as I pull my 5-minute lasagna from the microwave.
The other day, a nurse told me my resting heart rate has gotten so low that it’s “basically the bare minimum to sustain life” and apparently “Sweet, almost to my goal” was NOT the response he wanted.
September 22, 2025 at 5:12 PM
The other day, a nurse told me my resting heart rate has gotten so low that it’s “basically the bare minimum to sustain life” and apparently “Sweet, almost to my goal” was NOT the response he wanted.
How many KPop Demon Hunters songs can I add to my Bar Trivia Host playlist before I start getting complaints from the sports guys?
August 1, 2025 at 10:53 PM
How many KPop Demon Hunters songs can I add to my Bar Trivia Host playlist before I start getting complaints from the sports guys?
My high school bio teacher once said “allergies are just your body’s very reasonable reaction to plants trying to have sex with you” and I think about that every time I sneeze now.
My brain at 1am:
“Pollen is just plant jizz…
That chlorophyll cum…
If you got covered in pollen it means you’ve just been bukkake’d by a bunch of plants.”
Thanks brain…..
“Pollen is just plant jizz…
That chlorophyll cum…
If you got covered in pollen it means you’ve just been bukkake’d by a bunch of plants.”
Thanks brain…..
July 28, 2025 at 1:32 PM
My high school bio teacher once said “allergies are just your body’s very reasonable reaction to plants trying to have sex with you” and I think about that every time I sneeze now.
If you saw me stick my head in the Hungry Man freezer at the grocery store while sobbing and quietly singing “Let It Go” to myself today, no you didn’t.
June 23, 2025 at 6:50 PM
If you saw me stick my head in the Hungry Man freezer at the grocery store while sobbing and quietly singing “Let It Go” to myself today, no you didn’t.
Reposted by Sam Ellis
Dudes, the "crisis" that men are facing, is self-imposed. You've flattened the definition of masculinity into something ugly, unhealthy and unsustainable. You don't need Communist Joe Rogan to appear to lead you to True Manhood, you just need to stop fearing empathy.
May 24, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Dudes, the "crisis" that men are facing, is self-imposed. You've flattened the definition of masculinity into something ugly, unhealthy and unsustainable. You don't need Communist Joe Rogan to appear to lead you to True Manhood, you just need to stop fearing empathy.
Much like a gathering of lions is called a “pride” and a gathering of crows is a “murder”, a gathering of teenage boys is a “fucking nuisance”
May 10, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Much like a gathering of lions is called a “pride” and a gathering of crows is a “murder”, a gathering of teenage boys is a “fucking nuisance”
“You said you were gonna stop drunk requesting books from the library, Sam, you PROMISED.” - me to myself every Monday morning when I check my email
May 5, 2025 at 5:29 PM
“You said you were gonna stop drunk requesting books from the library, Sam, you PROMISED.” - me to myself every Monday morning when I check my email
Most white dudes I know: I know everyone thinks this, but I just don’t think I’d be susceptible to brainwashing. I’m a free thinker.
The exact same white dudes, en masse, as soon as Mr. Brightside comes on: 🎶COMING OUTTA MY CAGE AND I BEEN DOING JUST FINE-🎶
The exact same white dudes, en masse, as soon as Mr. Brightside comes on: 🎶COMING OUTTA MY CAGE AND I BEEN DOING JUST FINE-🎶
April 27, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Most white dudes I know: I know everyone thinks this, but I just don’t think I’d be susceptible to brainwashing. I’m a free thinker.
The exact same white dudes, en masse, as soon as Mr. Brightside comes on: 🎶COMING OUTTA MY CAGE AND I BEEN DOING JUST FINE-🎶
The exact same white dudes, en masse, as soon as Mr. Brightside comes on: 🎶COMING OUTTA MY CAGE AND I BEEN DOING JUST FINE-🎶
To folks watching the new season of You: is it just Anna Camps, or is it Annas Camp like Attorneys General?
April 27, 2025 at 5:34 PM
To folks watching the new season of You: is it just Anna Camps, or is it Annas Camp like Attorneys General?
I am staunchly opposed to the death penalty with the one exception of people who have annoying ringtones and leave their volume on in public.
April 21, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I am staunchly opposed to the death penalty with the one exception of people who have annoying ringtones and leave their volume on in public.
PSA for straight people curious after last night’s #TheWhiteLotus: if your husband has a cuck fetish, you don’t need to give an entire backstory that would make Freud want to bleach his eyes. You can just say “My husband has a cuck fetish, you down?”
a rainbow and a star with the words " i know you know "
Alt: a rainbow and a star with the words "the more you know "
media.tenor.com
March 31, 2025 at 6:34 PM
PSA for straight people curious after last night’s #TheWhiteLotus: if your husband has a cuck fetish, you don’t need to give an entire backstory that would make Freud want to bleach his eyes. You can just say “My husband has a cuck fetish, you down?”
Every Netflix Executive about 5 years ago: What if we get 8-16 of the most attractive, emotionally stunted heterosexuals into a house, marinate them in alcohol, put money on the line and convince them that this is an effective way to start a long-term romantic relationship?
November 16, 2024 at 6:49 PM
Every Netflix Executive about 5 years ago: What if we get 8-16 of the most attractive, emotionally stunted heterosexuals into a house, marinate them in alcohol, put money on the line and convince them that this is an effective way to start a long-term romantic relationship?