My Book Boyfriend Is An Alien Mobster Hitman
romancereactions.bsky.social
My Book Boyfriend Is An Alien Mobster Hitman
@romancereactions.bsky.social
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Romance novel reactions. #NSFW, unmarked spoilers ahead. Home of the #OnlyOneBed to #SurpriseBaby pipeline. Book recommendations welcome, the weirder the better.
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Somehow the Mafia is also involved? But not as the good guys. You can tell because they seem sleazy.
I feel like I would have gone whole-hog and made the FMC Creole and descended from a voodoo queen instead, because New Orleans. But, hey, I am not the bestselling romance novelist.
FMC is running the New Orleans magic shop left to her by her late grandfather, who claimed to be half-Gypsy and descended from a Gypsy queen.
I stand corrected: an abusive *ex* husband. Who is a cop.

It's a stereotype, but it's a stereotype for a reason.
The series: Hidden Hollow is a small town in New England where it is somehow always the peak of fall color. It's populated by magical creatures, all of whom are somehow sexually compatible with humans.
The book: Guarded by the Gargoyle by Evangeline Anderson. A witch touches a gargoyle, who comes to life, declares her his #FatedMate, and helps her get out of an abusive marriage. Marketed to the #Monsterfuckers.

(Hi, I identify as a Monsterfucker, thank you for asking.)
I will note that this one is mis-marked; it is not part of the Kindred Monstrum sequence, which are the ones for Monsterfuckers. This is a standard alien romance.
Spoiler-free review of Pairing with the Protector by Evangeline Anderson: 4/5. Short and sweet. Formulaic as always, but the author always manages to come up with fun and interesting details to make each book enjoyable.

Caveat: don't read this as your first Kindred novel, it will not make sense.
It's a #BabiesEverAfter ending, as always with the Kindred. Though this time more literally than usual - they're having triplets.
Y'all, stop vowing to never love (again). Because karma is going to come for you and make you look really stupid.
The MMC is a special kind of stubborn. He got a second visit from the Goddess telling him to get his head out of his ass.
They're home, the FMC is pregnant (though she hasn't told the MMC), and he's talking about breaking their soul bond. *sigh*
The MMC is being such a dumbass that the Kindred goddess personally told him to stop moping and get off his ass.

(This is a thing that happens in this books. Yes, it is a shortcut. No, I don't care.)
And the MMC's first thought transmitted over their new soul bond is how he never wanted this to happen, and he'd rather they weren't bonded. Great job.
So, um, yeah. They're, uh, tied. In front of a whole crowd of aliens. And they're going to be stuck that way for awhile.
... Did I mention that this is a #knotting book? Yes, this particular variety of Kindred has a "mating fist" at the base of their dick that has to be fully inserted for bonding sex (which is also the only kind of sex that can result in a pregnancy).
Uh-oh. Apparently their "owner" drugged the FMC with a substance that's going to make her horny and subject her to pain unless she is, uh, bred.

So they're going to have to fully commit to putting the P in the V this time.
"To avoid heartbreak later, I'm going to break both our hearts now!" Great plan, my guy, that's definitely going to work.
The MMC has determined that they will never make it home, and for some reason in his head that means he needs to create emotional distance from the FMC in preparation for their inevitable separation.
Did I mention that Kindred are really into going down on their fated mates? It's not just something they're into; it's a biological imperative.
Yeah, this is only "practice" in the sense that the P did not actually go in the V.
"Let's practice pretending to have sex so we can be really convincing about it later!"
It is not technically an #OnlyOneBed situation because it's more like a saggy hammock. But it is definitely an #OnlyOneBed scene in spirit.

The characters blamed the 'nip. Sure, friends, you definitely would have kept your bits to yourselves without the drugs. *skeptical eyebrow*
Anyway, they are now getting high on the equivalent of a catnip ball.

Their cage is also equipped with a hamster wheel, a cat tree, and a pet-style water bottle. All appropriately sized for humans.