Author | Lightnews

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1h

it's like the worst kind of group project I've ever worked on. because there's multiple groups involved all working on one project instead, and there's an invisible hierarchy of groups. I wanna fucking bash my head against the wall.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1h

and I really want to point out like, hey guys! there seems to be a huge lack of communication happening between staff decisions & looping in the committee here? but I don't want to be the complainer. Mr No Fun. Captain Rule Follower. but this just makes it hard to get shit done man.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1h

our next meeting isn't until two weeks before the event so I guess they just really like doing things last minute.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1h

I'm on the "decorations team" but like it kinda feels like know the theme was important to that? I emailed the one staff girl who's also on that and she was like "oh, yeah! it's this!" like? I'm tired. whatever.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1h

the gallery changed the theme of the event I'm on the committee for but I only found out bc of the poster finally launched & I'm just exhausted trying. every suggestion I make gets no excitement. things I did last year aren't my job this year. I'm not even really sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 8h

(or I just overdid it because I was feeling slightly better for multiple days, who's to say. I like to say it's demonic for the spice).

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 8h

it's like just mentioning feeling better summons the pain & fatigue back into my body. I'm beginning to think this is actually a curse.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 14h

it's funny bc I sleep in a twin bed and my cat snuggles in as the small spoon on one side of me every night, but then I put a big ass pikachu squishmallow on the other side of me as the big spoon, effectively removing any extra space for me to move at all. why? good question.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

and by homies I mean the executive director of the gallery I volunteer at. but he runs this cute film collective & the screenings never have that many people at them so I mean, it's the least I can do. the kids from the film department at McMaster didn't even show up. c'mon guys, embarassing?

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

two of them were waaaaaay too long and I didn't understand them at all and they were just really boring to me but I actually heard people going "omg" and ooing and ahhing at bits? so clearly I am too uneducated in experimental film for these screenings. but gotta support the homies.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

her whole gimmick was this rapidly flashing between frames & honestly, had I researched before probbbbably would've steered away from seeing it on a big screen out of caution. it was okay, and two of them were super dope. but could've ended poorly given by brain, whoops.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

I went to an experimental film thing & it's only the second one I've ever been to and what I've learned from this experience is to really research who the featured artist is bc 1. had to close my eyes to avoid this crazy, too long flashing bit (no seizure warnings) & 2. almost fell asleep twice.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

I can confidently say that major universities are a scam because I just bought a *water* from a vending machine on the McMaster campus where there were zero prices listed on the machine & then saw the price on my card after was $6.50 EXCUUUUSE ME????

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

I think I have less fatigue, not less pain? so it's just easier to do things despite the pain because I actually have the mental energy to hoist myself up over the pain? that's the working theory. but I'm still side eyeing what's going on right now, waiting for it to slip through my fingers.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 1d

genuinely can't tell if I'm "doing better", as in have less pain or more energy, or if I'm just getting better at ignoring my pain and living despite it? I know that sounds like the same thing, but there's a distinct difference. one is building a tolerance for pain, the other is the pain leaving.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 2d

BUT did it make me WANT to attempt to find more things like this instead of defaulting to the same sad things I'm doing? perhaps.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 2d

in the rare occasion I have the energy to actually turn on my oven & like, y'know, dedicate 25 minutes to standing in the kitchen instead of microwaving shit.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 2d

today I made these pillsbury crescents things and slapped some pesto in them & it's like the closest thing I've had to a croissant in forever and I'm a culinary genius for throwing slices of the costco prosciutto my mum got me in there. fake fancy broke meals are my specialty.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 3d

seeing two identical tan cybertrucks roll by within the hour got me feeling like neo seeing the black cat.

Reposted by heathbird

Davis Bickford @davis.social · 3d

omg, horrors. why are you so obsessed with me.

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 3d

I had a really vivid dream about extremely large creepy crawly bugs coming after me & I had to scoop one up in water to save someone else & it bit the centre of my palm & I cant stop checking to see if the mark is still there. this giant, leggy centipede thing that wrapped around my arm. I hated it.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 3d

my bangs are so long now that my only two options are pushing them back & having a massive forehead, or having a side part again against my will. every day I wake up & see what the fates have decided for me.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 4d

I know I used to appreciate when it felt like the adults were in on the fun too, but I don't know if kids today care at all.

heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 4d

I'm going to hand out candy this year for Halloween bc I've never done that as an adult and it seems fun, despite my dad saying no one really comes out in our neighbourhood. but like should I put together a costume? I don't have any plans for after yet but do people still hand out candy in costume?

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heathbird @quixoticpress.bsky.social · 4d

the only reason living at my dad's house works for me is bc he's gone 11am-12am for the majority of the week and I get to be alone with my cat. it's bliss. this is the closest to living alone I can get on my budget. if I don't get hours of unobserved, unbothered existence- I implode.