The spoon and the ashtray, the knife and the fork
The cupboard that loves to go for a walk
The keener the carpet, the quicker the cake
Fabulous furniture, don't ever break
I look all around me and what do I see
Those wonderful objects are smiling at me
(4)

This is a song about my bed
Where the dust mites play I lay my head
I've had my dreams, I've had my fun
But the baboon moon bamboozles the sun

This is the song of inanimate things
The sofa that talks, the saucer that sings
(3)

Shiny wood and varnish fills me with glee
We are talking polish regularly

This is a song about my table
I'm looking for a brave record label
When the whiskey makes me blunder
This is the place I like to get under.
My furniture is good, so good to me
I will watch the television eternally
(2)

No. 1 THE SONG OF INANIMATE THINGS

This is a song about my armchair
Springs and chintz and horses hair
Here where my spare change decides
To get out of my pocket and go down the sides
My furniture is good, so good to me
Makes me take my house pride seriously