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5 Second Film Reviews

@opusga.bsky.social

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Concise film reviews (mostly). Watching a lot of bad films so you don't have to.

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5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 2h

🎬 “Jump Scare - The Movie”
Fast cuts to ghosts or shocking things with the loud music or sound effect. It was exhausting honestly because the entire thing was like that - which is a shame because there was a solid film here ruined by directing choices. Had it been slowed down, man, the potential.

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (2013) ⭐ 5.3 | Drama, Horror, Mystery

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 12h

🎬 Strong start to a camp homage to 1980’s slashers, which devolves over time. The longer it runs the thinner the concept gets and hits the limitations of the writers. The last 10 minutes are quite silly. Shame.

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012) ⭐ 4.5 | Comedy, Horror

1h 30m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 16h

🎬 Christopher Lee, Herbert Lom, and Joan Collins are a heck of a cast. It’s sort of a murder mystery / hunt for hidden money with supernatural overtones.
Honestly, it’s not awful, if a bit slow to get going. Once it nears the end it really gets cooking and mashes up a bunch of genres well.

Dark Places (1974) ⭐ 5.8 | Horror, Romance, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 Mark of the bullshit marketing. Mark also of the boring as hell.

Mark of the Devil Part II (1973) ⭐ 5.0 | Drama, History, Horror

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 Builds off Curse and ties in the original to make a great finale. Very fun.

Cult of Chucky (2017) ⭐ 5.3 | Horror, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 It’s a Saw movie. If you like them you’ll like it. If you don’t you won’t. Doesn’t make a lick of sense but who cares. It’s all about the traps anyway.

Saw 3D (2010) ⭐ 5.5 | Crime, Horror, Mystery

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 What if Saw and Deathrow Gameshow had a baby? Extremely derivative but just like the Saw series the only reason to watch is to see terrible people die in creative ways. So it works at that level I guess.

Your Host (2025) ⭐ 4.8 | Horror

1h 29m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

Fun fact - the alien hunter is played by the same guy who wore The Predator suit.

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 The original Predator. Alien comes to Earth to kill people for trophies armed with organic throwing stars. Faces off against Jack Palance and Martin Landau. Kills David Caruso quick - like his exit from NYPD Blue.
It’s cheesy and silly but fun.

Without Warning (1980) ⭐ 5.1 | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 1d

🎬 Batshit bonkers! It’s so 80’s. I thought it was sucking until it just kept ratcheting up the crazy. Ended up being so much fun. Best part is when the guy hits a door with a cross and the door explodes!!!
Awesome

Superstition (1982) ⭐ 5.7 | Horror

1h 25m | Unrated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 2d

🎬 B-Movie creature feature with Rod Steiger (for some reason)
The effects are impressive. The acting not so much. Not awful, not great.

The Kindred (1987) ⭐ 5.7 | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 2d

🎬 Oliver Reed has a psychic bond with a giant snake God thing. It’s stupid and the snake effect is pretty terrible but Oliver Reed is so damn good that he elevates the whole feature. Takes it from garbage to watchable.

Spasms (1983) ⭐ 4.4 | Horror, Sci-Fi

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 2d

🎬 This is 1980 from the Troma guy and the women have… agency? They are intelligent? They fight back? Whaaaaat? Crazy talk.
That made it better than it should have been.

Mother's Day (1980) ⭐ 5.3 | Comedy, Horror, Thriller

1h 31m | Unrated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 1 - kinda lame
2 - So much better. Fun as hell
3 - also lame
4 - lamest
5 - meh
6 - better than 5
7 - meh
8 - this was an absolute blast! LOL
9 - derivative but not terrible
10 - silly

Tales of Halloween (2015) ⭐ 5.5 | Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 1 (over arching) - great but gets repetitive
2 - not much to it but the execution is fantastic
3 - meh
4 - crazy dumb fun
5 - disturbing and the best of them all
6 - fun with lots of monsters and gore
Overall a great entry into the VHS series

V/H/S/Halloween (2025) ⭐ 5.8 | Horror

1h 55m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 This one is a more traditional Chucky film and is pretty great (Fiona Dourif is fantastic). The only downside is they used CGI for Chucky’s face and some blood. It’s just not as effective as practical effects. While they get a more fine tuned expression, it just really detracts.

Curse of Chucky (2013) ⭐ 5.6 | Horror, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 Chucky had a baby and they riff of Glen / Glenda from Ed Wood jr. Jennifer Tilly is a trooper letting herself become the butt of jokes as well as doing most of the heavy lifting. Not good exactly but very entertaining - watching Chucky try to stop killing “for the baby”.

Seed of Chucky (2004) ⭐ 4.9 | Comedy, Horror, Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 One of the best Giallos I’ve seen. Yeah sure there are some plot holes but it really nailed the execution and casting. Good stuff if you like the genre.

The Case of the Bloody Iris (1972) ⭐ 6.4 | Crime, Horror, Mystery

1h 35m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 3d

🎬 Wow. I went in figuring this was going to be garbage and it’s honestly pretty fantastic. Nice mix of practical and CG. Decent acting and direction. You care about the characters. And it’s got a bit of social commentary. Well worth watching. Top 10 exorcism film for sure.

The Cleansing Hour (2019) ⭐ 6.0 | Drama, Fantasy, Horror

1h 34m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 4d

🎬 This is an adult film with a plot and actual acting.
A presentation of the ugliest side of humanity. Lots of graphic sex and none of it is sexy or arousing.
It is good? Maybe not - but it is extremly effective. It absolutely states its message clearly despite the limitations of the production.

Portraits of Andrea Palmer (2018) ⭐ 4.6 | Adult, Drama, Horror

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 4d

🎬 Well this was great! Had me guessing until the end and even then. Good script, good performances, creepy, and while not really original it still felt fresh.

The Canal (2014) ⭐ 5.8 | Drama, Horror, Mystery

1h 32m | Not Rated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 4d

The idea of recording dreams is cool. But the director just isn’t inventive enough to deal with the concept and the actual recordings look like green computer graphics from 1985.

The ending is a giant cop out too. I’m sure it’s meant to be all deep and shit but it’s just garbage.

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 4d

🎬 So boring. Everything about it is boring. The color is muted. The music is slow synth trance crap. The dreams are even boring - no one dreams in a straight line constantly slowly walking on a path with odd stuff off to the sides - that’s dumb.

cont...

Come True (2020) ⭐ 6.0 | Horror, Sci-Fi

1h 45m | Unrated

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 5d

🎬 Oh Jud. This is what you’ve been reduced to? A crappy soap level production of a criminally generic thriller? Sad.

Lethal Eviction (2005) ⭐ 4.4 | Thriller

5 Second Film Reviews @opusga.bsky.social · 5d

🎬 Superb! Samara Weaving is fantastic as usual. The story, while not wholly original is novel enough to feel fresh and the execution is top notch.

Ready or Not (2019) ⭐ 6.8 | Action, Comedy, Horror