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Odd News

@oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social

40 followers 13 following 42 posts

We combine the wit of top comedy writers and the talents of stand-up comedians to deliver a fresh take on news. Not fake, not fiction, just reality caught wearing clown shoes. This is journalism’s funhouse mirror. This is Odd News. https://oddnews.com

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Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 15h

AMHERST, Nova Scotia — It began, as most Canadian scandals do, with a bake sale and good intentions. The Lillian Allbon Animal Shelter announced a “lighthearted” contest to elect the first-ever Pet Mayor of Amherst. Read more below...

#canada #cat #election #vote #OddNews

Amherst’s First Pet Election Ends Exactly How Cats Planned

Dogs campaigned. Cats conspired. Guess who’s napping in the mayor’s chair now?

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 17h

LIJIANG, China — A theme park has apologized after several of its “family-friendly” sculptures were described by horrified visitors as “something Guillermo del Toro would delete from his nightmares for being too much.” Read more below...

#China #grotesque #NIGHTMARE #scary #themepark #OddNews

Theme Park Apologizes After “Human Centipede” Sculpture Horrifies Visitors

Turns out some fairy tales really do end in the digestive tract.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

Roger Davis, a San Diego entrepreneur of undisclosed industry and very disclosed political opinions, says his problems with women began when he bought a Tesla Cybertruck. Read more below...

#cybertruck #marriage #relationship #tesla #women #OddNews

Human Red Flag Claims That His Cybertruck Is Repulsive to Women

Sure, that’s the problem.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

Maj. Gen. William Hank Taylor, commander of the 8th Army, has confirmed that he’s been consulting ChatGPT on key leadership decisions, describing the relationship as “a productive partnership” and, at one point, “a really solid friend.” Read more below...

#AI #army #chatgpt #military #OddNews

Top Army General Using ChatGPT To Make Military Decisions

Has already hallucinated at least two wars.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

First joint prayer in 500 Years, expected to go off without a schism. Read more below...

#catholicchurch #Catholicism #KingCharlesIII #PopeLeo #prayer #OddNews

King Charles and Pope Leo To Pray Together

First joint prayer in 500 Years, expected to go off without a schism.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

Bears, is there anything more adorable? Whether they’re settling in for a good night’s rest after some tea, attempting to have a picnic, or hanging out with a pig and wandering around without pants on, they’re just so cute. Read more below...

#aspen #bears #colorado #electricbearmat #gym #OddNews

Buff Bears Break Into Colorado Gym, Drink Protein Shakes

Yeah, I’m into fitness… fitness whole protein shake down my gullet!

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

Food might be getting more expensive everywhere, but fish is dropping in Canada.

Read more below...
#accident #baldeagle #canada #fish #insurance #osprey #OddNews

An Act Of Cod: Falling Fish Smashes Windshield

Food might be getting more expensive everywhere, but fish is dropping in Canada.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

VATICAN CITY — During his weekly appearance in St. Peter’s Square, His Holiness paused his usual blessings of babies, rosaries, and the occasional confused Midwesterner when a voice from the crowd shouted, “Go Cubs!” Read more below...

#baseball #chicago #Cubs #pope #PopeLeo #whitesox #OddNews

Pope Tells Cubs Fans “Han Perdido!” Which Translates to “You Should’ve Drafted Pitching”

A reminder to Cubs fans that even divine forgiveness has limits… especially in October.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

In a precautionary move described by local officials as “seasonally appropriate,” the city of Terrassa has banned all black cat adoptions until November 10, citing fears the animals might be used for “rituals.” Read more below...

#adoption #blackcat #cat #Halloween #ritual #spain #OddNews

Spanish Town Suspends Black Cat Adoptions to Prevent ‘Halloween Rituals’

Accidentally summons EU Committee on Common Sense instead.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 1d

It takes a lot these days for an Academy Awards campaign to feel especially shameless, but a new horror flick might just take the cake – or dog treat, in this case. Read more below....

#academyawards #actor #dog #films #movie #Oscars #OddNews

Canine Academy? Film Thinks Its Dog Star Should Be Nominated

A new horror movie is faux horrified that animals are excluded from the Oscars.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 8d

Ever have one of those days where it feels like a Monday even though it’s like, Tuesday? You need a little pep in your step to take on the day ahead and deal with those jerks at work who treat you like you’re nothing more than a dancing monkey.
Read more below...

#coffee #escape #monkeys #OddNews

Escaped Spider Monkey Captured by Coffee

Turns out this monkey likes coffee a latte.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 9d

In what Sheriff Grady Judd described as “an incident that makes even Florida blush,” 51-year-old Walter Frymire was arrested after deputies discovered he had attempted to smuggle a thermos into the Polk County Jail the old-fashioned way: by becoming the container. Read more below...

#floridaman

Florida Man Caught With Thermos in “Exit Ramp”

The thermos reportedly applied for therapy and a restraining order.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 9d

StudioCanal says the sketch tarnished a “symbol of British decency.” Which is rich, considering the last time Britain protected Peruvian exports, it involved the Falklands. Read more below...

#paddington #lawsuit #PaddingtonBear #parody #PrinceHarry #spittingimage #StudioCanal #OddNews

StudioCanal Sues Spitting Image Over Cocaine Bear Parody

Says the sketch tarnished a “symbol of British decency.” Which is rich, considering the last time Britain protected Peruvian exports, it involved the Falklands.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 9d

A grizzled patron recently tried to belly up to the bar at the Stuart, Florida, tiki bar Harlow’s Hideout, and was denied service. However, instead of the ACLU or the AARP stepping in to defend them, it was more like the ASPCA, as the customer trying to get in was an alligator.

#alligator #florida

Gator Denied Service at Florida Tiki Bar

Who needs Florida Man when you’ve got a Florida Gator?

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 9d

In what NASA described as “a milestone for interstellar observation” and everyone else described as “a blurry streak that looks like a Coke bottle fell over,” the Mars Perseverance rover has apparently photographed 3I/ATLAS, only the third known visitor from beyond our solar system.

#comet #mars

Harvard Professional Seeking Attention Says Streak in Mars Photo Could Be Extraterrestrial

So could his search history. We’re just asking questions here.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

Max Fosh, a British YouTuber best known for weaponizing awkwardness, embarked on a mission to violate ten obscure European laws in ten countries within two days. Read more below...

#bakery #driving #DumbLaw #europe #pigeon #pillow #salmon #OddNews

British Youtuber Sets Out To Break Every Dumb Law in Europe

Interpol yawns as Britain’s most awkward outlaw terrorizes pigeons, pillows, and patisserie.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

In related news, this Florida Man’s Camry is now ranked #3 in Daytona qualifying. Read more below...

#florida #police #speeding #OddNews

Police Say Driver Without License Went 124 mph at 3 a.m. Because He Needed To Use the Bathroom

In related news, this Florida Man’s Camry is now ranked #3 in Daytona qualifying.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

The monument was meant to immortalize the Queen of Rock ’n’ Roll. Instead, the statue ended up looking like the kind of thing you’d find guarding the entrance of a haunted Chuck E. Cheese. Read more below...

#rock #sculptor #sculpture #statue #Tennessee #tinaturner #OddNews

Tennessee Unveils Tina Turner Statue. Fans Say It’s So Bad Ike Turner Tried To Take Credit

When the city said “Simply the Best,” the sculptor clearly heard “Simply a Mess.”…

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

Which implies the existence of actual socialist breast implants.
Read more below...

#capitalism #implants #KimJongUn #NorthKorea #socialism #women #OddNews

Kim Jong Un Declares War on Un-Socialist Breast Implants

Which implies the existence of actual socialist breast implants.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

San Bruno police officers were running a weekend DUI sweep when they spotted a Waymo robotaxi pull the classic California U-turn at a red light, the kind that usually involves a human yelling “watch this” before ending up in a hedge. Read more below...

#california #car #police #Waymo #OddNews

San Bruno Police Discover They Can’t Write Tickets for Driverless Cars

The good news is the car was sober; the bad news is it also can’t pay fines, appear in court, or feel shame.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

Michael Rapino says concert tickets are “underpriced,” which is bold from a man who once charged $150 to let people stand behind a tree and listen to Coldplay. He made the comments during CNBC’s Game Plan conference held entirely on yachts.

#coldplay #concert #livenation #NBA #ticketprices #OddNews

Live Nation CEO Says Concerts Are Underpriced, Moments Before Leaping Into a Jacuzzi Full of Champagne

Rapino says concerts are underpriced, unlike Kiss Cams, which apparently come with legal fees and emotional damages.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 16d

While you can’t spell “Commodores” without “odor,” the band’s former frontman, Lionel Richie, claimed that another iconic singer from the ‘70s and ‘80s actually smelled all night long – and during the day too. Read more below...

#lionelrichie #michaeljackson #music #odor #TheJacksonFive #OddNews

Ol’ Dirty Jackson? Lionel Richie Claims King of Pop Smelled

Lionel Richie airs some dirty laundry about Michael Jackson’s dirty laundry…

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 17d

Locals suggest calling Batman, or at least Animal Control, which is basically the same thing in Rhode Island. Read more below...

#goats #escape #fugitive #ontherun #police #donkey #RhodeIsland #OddNews

Glocester Police Still Can’t Catch the Fugitive Goat

Locals suggest calling Batman, or at least Animal Control, which is basically the same thing in Rhode Island.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 17d

Another blurry Loch Ness video drops, once again confirming Scotland has invented whisky but not autofocus. Read more below...

#cryptids #lochness #lochnessmonster #Scotland #sighting #OddNews

Nessie Emerges Again, Immediately Demands Everyone Stop Calling Her “As Big as Three Men”

Another blurry Loch Ness video drops, once again confirming Scotland has invented whisky but not autofocus.

Odd News @oddnewsnetwork.bsky.social · 17d

Tennessee congressman Tim Burchett, noted for his ability to confuse both science and indoor plumbing with magic, announced that aliens are living in five or six secret underwater UFO bases just off America’s coast. Read more below...

#aliens #ocean #Tennessee #TimBurchett #UFO #OddNews

Tennessee Congressman Warns of Alien Bases in the Ocean

Experts are still waiting for him to locate Tennessee on a map.