Author | Lightnews

Mr. Big Penis.

@mrbigpenis.bsky.social

130 followers 570 following 620 posts

Hi, I'm Mr. Big Penis. You'll never guess what I've got in my pants. Asexual deviant, freelance masturbauteur, linguist. The cat is named Fulgora. If you're from Michigan please don't be. Do not expect many commas. He/him/The/it. 🔞.

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Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · Oct 17

Me when they make gayblueing illegal.

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Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 1d

Just look at this jolly little sheep.

A pictograph depicting a mountain sheep (Oris montana) "taken from the Moki inscriptions at Oakley Springs, Arizona, by Mr. G. K. Gilbert", recorded in Garrick Mallery's (ca. 1886) Pictographs of the North American Indians (p. 47).

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 1d

Oh to be among the pictographs at Oakley Springs.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 4d

Friendslop devs please stop limiting your games to just 4 players some of us have more than 3 friends.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 5d

Just finished a dnd campaign my character is definitely not gonna become an evil organized crime boss/cultist that will need to be defeated and/or killed in a future campaign or anything I'm a good boy I swear.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 5d

Ah shit babe I'm gonna ooze.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 5d

Need me a girl who will eat the teeth right out my mouth.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 6d

I'd like to make it explicitly clear that I was nowhere near Paris today and I hate jewels.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 6d

If I ran a company could I legally require all employees to shave their heads bald?

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 6d

"Is Nightmare Before Christmas a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie?" Man fuck you I turned the gas on in your house you'd better run on home before a spark blows your shit up. Idiot.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 7d

"You don't like ska?" *Hrk* *hrk* *starts wretching and vomiting everywhere*.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 7d

At the point now where I see the name of some place in Japan and I think "oh yeah like the racecourse".

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 8d

"Arriving today" my fucking ass just took an uber out to the place my shit should have been delivered to only to find it not there Amazon should have to reimburse me the ride fare. Don't tell me I should have checked that it was delivered before I left I didn't think to I'm too trusting I guess.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 9d

The worst part about being a fan of folk punk is trying to acquire physical copies of albums. Well that or listening to the music.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 9d

Sorry (not sorry) babe Evil Fucking Wizard stays on during sex.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 10d

Whiskey in the jar? No thanks I prefer it in my tummy.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 10d

They actually gave me an extra taquito this time I'm still at a net negative but maybe things are finally starting to come up Mr. Big Penis.

Reposted by Mr. Big Penis.

Moby Dick @mobydickatsea.bsky.social · 12d

I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me

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Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 12d

This and a pack of American Spirits.

The BERRYMAN-LANGFORD MEMETIC KILL AGENT.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 12d

Saw Rocky Horror recently and it didn't awaken shit in me.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 13d

[maɪ ˈstupɪd ˈfʌkɪŋ kɑɹ bɹoʊk daʊn əˈɡɛn aɪ ˈɹili kænt əˈfɔɹd ə fɹɛʃ tɹɪp tu ðə mɪˈkænɪks ˈɛvɹ̩i ˈkʌpl̩ mʌnθs].

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 15d

Is a man a sandwich (the answer may surprise you)?

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 16d

It's not the most comfortable or convenient position.

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 16d

[aɪ ˈɔlwiz heɪt ɪt wɛn ðɛɹz sʌm dʌm ˈklɪkˌbeɪt ˈbʊlˌʃɪt əˈbaʊt "hiɹz waɪ juː ʃəd ˈnɛvəɹ du ðɪs" ænd ði ˈænsəɹ tɜɹnz aʊt tə bi "biˈkəz ɪts ɪˈliɡəl" laɪk bɹoʊ ðæts nɑt ˈɡʌnə stɑp mi aɪ doʊnt ɡɪv ə fʌk].

Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 17d

The problem with being a nudist is tripping over my big penis when I'm just trying to walk around.

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Mr. Big Penis. @mrbigpenis.bsky.social · 20d

[ˈɡ̩nə stɑɹt ˈɡoʊɪŋ ʌp t̩ foʊks æt ðə ɡʌn ɹeɪndʒ ænd ˈæskɪŋ ɪf aɪm ˈpɹɪntɪŋ ænd ðɛn daɪˈɹɛktɪŋ ðɛɹ əˈtɛnʃɪn tɪ maɪ ˈmæsɪv ˈpækɪdʒ].