Midsomer Murders plots
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Midsomer Murders plots
@moremidsomerplots.bsky.social
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The continuing (and randomly generated) adventures of Britain's most murderous county. Content created by @patrickstokes.com and Anonymous. Generate your own: midsomerplots.net
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A person wearing druid robes is found murdered by an invisible hand. Suspicion falls on Holby’s taxidermists’ club, frightened that watered-down vodka might threaten to ruin Joyce Barnaby’s casserole from one of Delia’s cookbooks.
A local archaeologist is found burst open, crushed between movable shelving. Suspicion falls on Wideopen’s Mosley appreciation society, worried that midnight rituals might threaten otters.
A vertically challenged skyscraper architect is found wrapped in toilet roll like an Egyptian mummy. Suspicion falls on Many Crooks’ ice cream van driver, obsessed that low vitamin D levels in vampires might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.
The second reviewer of a philosophy paper is found crushed by an elephant. Suspicion falls on Watership’s taxidermists’ club, disturbed that a rogue peacock might threaten the closure of a celebrity-run surgery.
An antique dealer is found slumped over a historically significant sundial. Suspicion falls on Malham Bridge’s leader of the local Miners’ Strike re-enactment society, obsessed that shady goings on in condiments factories might threaten to make the sun set on the British Empire.
An Australian historian of the Scots is found dead inside a cheese vending machine. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Abbas’ chapter of the Ayn Rand society, confused that the fall of the Roman Empire might threaten to reveal that due to an off-by-one error, the meaning of life is actually 43.
A Michelin chef who hates truffles is found permanently socially distanced in extremum. Suspicion falls on Hyannisports’ retired sunset watchers, upset that marmalade might threaten the local deer sanctuary.
An underappreciated archivist is found pushed off of London Bridge. Suspicion falls on Bow Clayton’s Brexiteers, disturbed that the rise of artificial intelligence might threaten the Tower of London ravens.
An unpaid intern at a funeral home is found stabbed in heart with chef's knife after having a stroke. Suspicion falls on Fletcher’s Cross’ resident garden Jay, worried that a bungled vaccine rollout might threaten recycling of plots by British crime show writers.
A neurotic Jungian is found mauled by a rabid badger. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Wellow’s bowls club, obsessed that crows stealing and moving balls on the 15th hole might threaten drone deliveries.
An organist who’d pulled out all the stops is found slain in a baroque fashion. Suspicion falls on Martyr Warren’s microbiologist, worried that low vitamin D levels in vampires might threaten supplies of English breakfast tea.
An elderly Batman fan is found scrambled in a large bowl of eggs. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Magna’s teenagers wearing hoodies, angry that Daily Mail readers might threaten to overshadow the sheepdog trials.
A violinist who loves playing in B♭ harmonic minor is found shot six times by a man on the run. Suspicion falls on Little Auburn’s P&C association, obsessed that the new sugar tax might threaten to alter the pudding recipe.
A local mayor is found nailed to a barge. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Barrow’s Communist Party chapter, worried that lowering standards in the soft fruit industry might threaten to reduce the population of Midsomer to a vicar and six pig farmers.
A headstone inscriber is found dead at the bottom of the church tower, wearing a leopard print bikini. Suspicion falls on Giggleswick’s chief medical officer, worried that all-encompassing whiteness might threaten to reveal the name of Dr Who.
A ladies' man is found dead in the street, and starved. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mere’s Tae Kwon Do club, worried that lowering standards in the soft fruit industry might threaten to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up.
A banjo-playing philosopher is found beaten to death with a leg of pork. Suspicion falls on Barton in the Beans’ funeral directors, frightened that the decline in furniture manufacture might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.
A big cucumber fan is found electrocuted by a roulette wheel that had been tampered with. Suspicion falls on White Ox Mead’s funeral directors, confused that a vicar’s choir banquet might threaten the end of floor malting.
A despotic archaeologist is found deprived of caffeine. Suspicion falls on Wolf Creek’s strawberry-pickers association, angry that Pizza Hut orders routed though Midsomer Mallow might threaten the high street streetscape.
A self-described “fair and balanced citizen” is found dead after eating hallucinogenic spinach. Suspicion falls on Ford Florey’s billiards society, deeply concerned that fake news might threaten to ruin Joyce Barnaby’s casserole from one of Delia’s cookbooks.
An Ethereum cat fancier is found upended in a bucket of stew. Suspicion falls on Giggleswick’s Provost, worried that steamy relationships in the philatelic society might threaten to interrupt a performance of John Cage's 4'33".
A local thatcher is found bluer than a blue screen of death. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s Christopher Lee impersonator, upset that climate change might threaten the end of The Economist.
A geneticist is found dead with their privates inexplicably lodged in the vicarage donations box. Suspicion falls on Beavers Dune’s Provost, upset that off-peak bus services might threaten bidet sales.
A local millionaire software developer is found quite lifeless in the Living Museum. Suspicion falls on Elverton-cum-Latterley’s two strange tattooed children found at the train station, disturbed that police Freemasonry might threaten the village’s remaining sourdough starter.
A university financial officer is found run over by a motorised bathtub. Suspicion falls on March Magna’s political elite, upset that Pizza Hut orders routed though Midsomer Mallow might threaten to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up.