Mitten d'Amour
@mittendamour.bsky.social
I once bought a cold drink for a tramp on a hot day - turns out he wasn’t a secret millionaire; total fucking waste of 80p. (She/her)
Bet you’re all glad they had him as a totally unrepresentative regular *now*.
November 29, 2025 at 8:28 AM
Bet you’re all glad they had him as a totally unrepresentative regular *now*.
Decided to splash out on a pricier version of the wine I wanted and let me tell you this was a great decision.
Because it’s shit and therefore I will not be wasting my money on it on the regular.
Because it’s shit and therefore I will not be wasting my money on it on the regular.
November 28, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Decided to splash out on a pricier version of the wine I wanted and let me tell you this was a great decision.
Because it’s shit and therefore I will not be wasting my money on it on the regular.
Because it’s shit and therefore I will not be wasting my money on it on the regular.
Me at my desk: What IS that smell?! It smells like... rancid cheese?
Colleague: Ah yes, sorry. [removes actual lump of rancid fucking cheese from amid pile of envelopes]
[Pinches bridge of nose]
Colleague: Ah yes, sorry. [removes actual lump of rancid fucking cheese from amid pile of envelopes]
[Pinches bridge of nose]
November 28, 2025 at 10:08 AM
Me at my desk: What IS that smell?! It smells like... rancid cheese?
Colleague: Ah yes, sorry. [removes actual lump of rancid fucking cheese from amid pile of envelopes]
[Pinches bridge of nose]
Colleague: Ah yes, sorry. [removes actual lump of rancid fucking cheese from amid pile of envelopes]
[Pinches bridge of nose]
Woman has sat next to me on the tube wearing the most nostril-clenching offensive perfume I have ever gagged on. The stench of purifying human remains would be preferable to this cheap olfactory abomination.
November 28, 2025 at 8:44 AM
Woman has sat next to me on the tube wearing the most nostril-clenching offensive perfume I have ever gagged on. The stench of purifying human remains would be preferable to this cheap olfactory abomination.
Category is… post-op comfort but make it killa.
November 28, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Category is… post-op comfort but make it killa.
When I’m in charge, door-to-door chuggers will be banned on pain of being rolled through a sticky picnic before being fired into a paddock of feral honey badgers.
November 23, 2025 at 12:39 PM
When I’m in charge, door-to-door chuggers will be banned on pain of being rolled through a sticky picnic before being fired into a paddock of feral honey badgers.
Tell you what, this post-laparoscopic op pain and swelling is a LOT like one of my normal periods…
November 22, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Tell you what, this post-laparoscopic op pain and swelling is a LOT like one of my normal periods…
The me who took the time to simmer up her roast Sunday chicken carcass, veg scraps and wobbly carrots overnight and melt down a couple of leeks before blitzing in a tin of butter beans to make the heartiest rib-sticking chicken soup is post-surgery me’s favourite person.
November 21, 2025 at 6:48 PM
The me who took the time to simmer up her roast Sunday chicken carcass, veg scraps and wobbly carrots overnight and melt down a couple of leeks before blitzing in a tin of butter beans to make the heartiest rib-sticking chicken soup is post-surgery me’s favourite person.
Category is… trapped wind and despair.
November 21, 2025 at 12:41 PM
Category is… trapped wind and despair.
A very happy Getting A Hysterectomy Day to all who celebrate (me).
November 20, 2025 at 8:19 AM
A very happy Getting A Hysterectomy Day to all who celebrate (me).
Gross. Ramming it down our throats.
November 19, 2025 at 9:31 AM
Gross. Ramming it down our throats.
I am so confused. I’m sat in a BBQ/smokehouse restaurant and the prevailing smell is one of mouthwatering delicious meat but then it crossed into smelling of cat food and I had no lessening of desire for it.
November 18, 2025 at 6:13 PM
I am so confused. I’m sat in a BBQ/smokehouse restaurant and the prevailing smell is one of mouthwatering delicious meat but then it crossed into smelling of cat food and I had no lessening of desire for it.
Got a super jam packed busy day ahead, so thank GOD I woke up at 5am and lay there contemplating all of life’s quandaries and calamities until my 7am alarm.
November 18, 2025 at 8:42 AM
Got a super jam packed busy day ahead, so thank GOD I woke up at 5am and lay there contemplating all of life’s quandaries and calamities until my 7am alarm.
Me: [applies super expensive body lotion before bed]
Mort: Ooh, you seem to have got some ‘stuff’ on you - don’t worry, I got it!
Minou is my favourite.
Mort: Ooh, you seem to have got some ‘stuff’ on you - don’t worry, I got it!
Minou is my favourite.
November 16, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Me: [applies super expensive body lotion before bed]
Mort: Ooh, you seem to have got some ‘stuff’ on you - don’t worry, I got it!
Minou is my favourite.
Mort: Ooh, you seem to have got some ‘stuff’ on you - don’t worry, I got it!
Minou is my favourite.
Begging marketing teams to just see women as “people”.
November 16, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Begging marketing teams to just see women as “people”.
Last night I, among others. stopped to help a man having an epileptic seizure and I have two points:
1. Teach first aid, including seizure treatment, in schools
2. If your mum dying from epilepsy is why you’re losing your shit, DON’T MAKE THAT THE PATIENT’S FIRST CONSCIOUS AUDIO
1. Teach first aid, including seizure treatment, in schools
2. If your mum dying from epilepsy is why you’re losing your shit, DON’T MAKE THAT THE PATIENT’S FIRST CONSCIOUS AUDIO
November 16, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Last night I, among others. stopped to help a man having an epileptic seizure and I have two points:
1. Teach first aid, including seizure treatment, in schools
2. If your mum dying from epilepsy is why you’re losing your shit, DON’T MAKE THAT THE PATIENT’S FIRST CONSCIOUS AUDIO
1. Teach first aid, including seizure treatment, in schools
2. If your mum dying from epilepsy is why you’re losing your shit, DON’T MAKE THAT THE PATIENT’S FIRST CONSCIOUS AUDIO
I like to think that right now Epstein is having a right old chuckle in Hell knowing he caused a rumour from beyond the grave that Donny Trump gave Bill Clinton a greedy gob job.
Satan’s gonna give him half an hour off having his testicles toasted for that one.
Satan’s gonna give him half an hour off having his testicles toasted for that one.
November 15, 2025 at 7:15 PM
I like to think that right now Epstein is having a right old chuckle in Hell knowing he caused a rumour from beyond the grave that Donny Trump gave Bill Clinton a greedy gob job.
Satan’s gonna give him half an hour off having his testicles toasted for that one.
Satan’s gonna give him half an hour off having his testicles toasted for that one.
Category is… just because it’s tights weather doesn’t mean you have to dress like a nana.
November 15, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Category is… just because it’s tights weather doesn’t mean you have to dress like a nana.
Arsecrack got so sweaty in the gym I had to go check it wasn’t anal seepage mid-workout.
Like all the sexy influencer girly-pops.
Like all the sexy influencer girly-pops.
November 15, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Arsecrack got so sweaty in the gym I had to go check it wasn’t anal seepage mid-workout.
Like all the sexy influencer girly-pops.
Like all the sexy influencer girly-pops.
If ever you wonder what it's like living in the mind of a chronic over-thinker... my grocery delivery came with the erroneous addition of some coffee...
November 14, 2025 at 12:06 PM
If ever you wonder what it's like living in the mind of a chronic over-thinker... my grocery delivery came with the erroneous addition of some coffee...
Hard not to root for the Luigis.
November 14, 2025 at 8:38 AM
Hard not to root for the Luigis.
Them: You will just ask if there’s anything I can do while you recover from your operation, right?
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
November 13, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Them: You will just ask if there’s anything I can do while you recover from your operation, right?
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Them: You will just ask if there’s anything I can do while you recover from your operation, right?
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
November 13, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Them: You will just ask if there’s anything I can do while you recover from your operation, right?
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Me, cooking and freezing actual individual fucking portions of rice and pasta: Oh of course!
Everyone knows I love a truly awful Christmas movie and let me tell you, this movie premier did NOT disappoint. The reviews are savage but honestly don’t be fooled by them only giving it one star, it’s so much worse.
November 12, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Everyone knows I love a truly awful Christmas movie and let me tell you, this movie premier did NOT disappoint. The reviews are savage but honestly don’t be fooled by them only giving it one star, it’s so much worse.