Taking my fujoshi sister to the gay bar but it's humpback whale night so she starts cheering and taking pictures

Somebody stole our tips today and it got me thinking how terrible it is that thieves who don't like using cash don't have as easy of a time. I propose they add a "STEAL TIPS" button to the card reader at cafés whereupon pressing it deposits all of our digital tips directly into your bank account

My body is a machine that turns 2009 Toyota Priuses into 2009 Toyota Priuses with no catalytic converter

What they don't tell you before an orchiectomy is that pee is actually stored alongside the balls and removing the testes creates so much extra room. The point I'm trying to make here is that my piss sessions have never been longer or harder since I got neutered. Also I got married

K-holing with the trannies in my human sized dog bed send skeet

Just had an orchiectomy. Surprised that they let me keep my balls after surgery. Anyway, here's a pic

Filling my waterpik with diet coke because I hate the taste of water

me at the start of my transition: "I HAVE to look and act as feminine as possible so people won't misgender me"

me 4 years later: "I'm going to wear this 'big dick is back in town' shirt and rainbow converse so people don't mistake me for a cis woman"

so messed up that I can get a cat neutered for $50 but if I want to get myself neutered I get the cops called on me and criminally trespassed from my local veterinarian

Hatsune Miku is like if KKB was real

Taking a heroic dose of benadryl to catch a shiny darkrai in pokemon sleep

fuck it i'm back in my uwu phase :3

Getting clocked at work because I forgot to stop making my silly lil transgender noises bweh bweh bweh

Possum Twitter is slowly invading Bluesky :}

I'm gay