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Sartha

@meeresstrahl.bsky.social

560 followers 79 following 12K posts

@frail-royalty.bsky.social's beloved Kept and spouse. Real life Sartha Thrace. Designation 61022-27024. Age 24, any pronouns. Posts are whatever is spooking around my head on any given day. Content notice: various trauma, various kink Languages: EN, DE

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Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 25d

So what I'm hearing is Bluesky is gonna ban me for being literally Sartha

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 2h

But yeah I get you

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 2h

I mean unfortunately the only other person I know in that situation is my father and like. That's not really a counterargument

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 2h

Shit sucks and is genuinely terrifying and recently has been pretty successful at making me feel like I deserve execution by firing squad

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 2h

The long and short of it is my being born with NPD and the general struggle to not have it ruin my life and the lives of the people around me. But I'm not really seeking advice or comfort on that since (with respect) I think most people have zero clue what that's like and how it manifests and so on

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 3h

Bawled my eyes out and got comforted by Keeper. Maybe the world is okay for another few days

Reposted by Sartha

Luke Plunkett @lukeplunkett.com · 4h

kids teacher just sent this home as part of an assignment he's doing and i want to smash every computer at the school

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

'Not thinking about it' has gotten the people I love and care for most in thus world hurt, many times, very badly. I *cannot afford* to not think about it

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

Unfortunately it's a bit of a "blame this on the misfortune of your birth" type of thing. I'm trying to work past it, with mindfulness and mantras and whatever, but it's. Past a certain point I just have to wrestle with this as a fundamental fact of my existence. And I feel like I'm losing the fight

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

Sorry that was probably a bit much to unpack directly into your mentions. But yeah. That's kinda. How it is. Feels, certainly

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

It's why I can't make friends with people who are actually highly dilligent and invested in the few people they talk to. There's no way to fake my way in. I got no hook, no appeal, and how could I?

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

Kinda like what people say with LLMs that talk like they're your buddy. Weird and sycophantic and ready to be whatever is desired because it doesn't matter, there's no interiority, no actual living being on the side of the messages

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

I'd like to be more than that. I'd like to *actually* be a good person. Or a person *at all*. I'm just not sure I'm ever gonna get there. Maybe I'll just be like this forever. Pleasant and kind to everyone, yet a total stranger because there's nothing to actually know about me

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

Just kinda. Been feeling like everyone was right all along. All the horrible stuff people said about me growing up. Maybe they were right. Sure feels like it. Feel like I can't deny it or argue back anymore. They're right, even if harsh and unpleasant but. That's what I was doing. And it's awful

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

It's kind of you. I just feel like it's only a matter of time before the curtain gets pulled back. And I don't know what I'm gonna do then. When everyone realizes there's nothing behind the words

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

It's like being a shapeshifter. You're nothing, so you can be everything, to everyone. That's how you get people to like you. And that's all that matters because you're empty and nothing actually means anything. It's all calculated, premeditated, perfectly filling whatever gaps needed to get my way

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

It's like a whole pathology with people like me

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

I think bad people are *overwhelmingly* concerned with being *seen* as good people by the people around them

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

...or perhaps it's all thinly veiled bullshit for people's attention and approval which is all I've seemingly ever cared about. Nobody here actually knows who or what I am or what I am like outside the screen

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

I'm not a good person and I never have been and far as I or anyone who knows me knows I'll never become one either. So why the hell am I here other than to take up people's space and time and air and energy

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

And then I try to be like sincere and emotional about what's going on with me and nobody takes that seriously either and like why even do anything. Why go through this at all

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 4h

Some days it feels like it's not worth the mountainous effort trying to be a good person and if I can't be good there's quite frankly no point in me being alive at all

Reposted by Sartha

ShaneARang @shanearang.bsky.social · 5h

“Hey Doctor, why do you fucking suck? Want me to help you suck a little less?”

Sartha @meeresstrahl.bsky.social · 5h

Hysterical holy shit

Reposted by Sartha

ShaneARang @shanearang.bsky.social · 5h

I off to sleepland now but (tagged for spoilers)

This might officially be the new funniest arknights CG

Fiametta is pointing a gun at andoain after he drops groceries on the floor while Mostima and lemuen shoot the shit

Reposted by Sartha

Milk'n Cookies @milkncookies.bsky.social · 14d

I don’t think ppl understand the whole “who cares if nobody likes it! make content for yourself” is extremely dismissive
Bc we ARE making the content for ourselves but it feels /bad/ when people don’t engage or show interest. You can care about both at the same time