They're euthanizing me tomorrow
November 29, 2025 at 2:40 AM
They're euthanizing me tomorrow
Thanksgiving diaorahea
November 27, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Thanksgiving diaorahea
The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff just took a huge four flusher here at this unattached Zales, which is weird because I thought they only had those in malls
November 26, 2025 at 10:13 PM
The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff just took a huge four flusher here at this unattached Zales, which is weird because I thought they only had those in malls
The witch on my street is going to cook my ass like a damn goose for Thanksgiving. I tried to tell her that it would be more traditional to cook my ass like a turkey, but the old hag wouldn't listen.
November 25, 2025 at 7:07 PM
The witch on my street is going to cook my ass like a damn goose for Thanksgiving. I tried to tell her that it would be more traditional to cook my ass like a turkey, but the old hag wouldn't listen.
I got caught in some acid rain yesterday with my acquaintance Claude and it melted the shit out of his metal ass
November 20, 2025 at 3:42 AM
I got caught in some acid rain yesterday with my acquaintance Claude and it melted the shit out of his metal ass
I just stuck a bag of 5000 steel ball bearings under my dipshit neighbor Greg's lawn mower. Let's see who's having Afghanistan flashbacks when you go to cut your grass next, asshole
November 13, 2025 at 2:29 AM
I just stuck a bag of 5000 steel ball bearings under my dipshit neighbor Greg's lawn mower. Let's see who's having Afghanistan flashbacks when you go to cut your grass next, asshole
There's this guy at work named James and he taps my damn sack every chance he gets. And the twist? I'm self-employed
November 5, 2025 at 2:13 PM
There's this guy at work named James and he taps my damn sack every chance he gets. And the twist? I'm self-employed
Got fired due to passing wind
October 28, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Got fired due to passing wind
I was up all night passing wind
October 28, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I was up all night passing wind
My son came home from high school wrestling practiced and power bombed me down the stairs
October 25, 2025 at 1:44 PM
My son came home from high school wrestling practiced and power bombed me down the stairs
I got into a fist fight with Doug Funnie and that boy whooped my ass
October 24, 2025 at 12:49 PM
I got into a fist fight with Doug Funnie and that boy whooped my ass
They came to bug spray my house and this one guy Josh from the pest control company spent the whole afternoon pulling on his balls and ass out in the yard.
October 15, 2025 at 10:44 PM
They came to bug spray my house and this one guy Josh from the pest control company spent the whole afternoon pulling on his balls and ass out in the yard.
I hired a guy to run my ass over, and brother he's coming tomorrow
October 15, 2025 at 1:07 AM
I hired a guy to run my ass over, and brother he's coming tomorrow
I like the baseball player with the big huge ass
October 14, 2025 at 4:43 PM
I like the baseball player with the big huge ass
My good buddy is a piece of crapb
October 13, 2025 at 1:34 PM
My good buddy is a piece of crapb
For Halloween I'm dressing like the ugliest piece of crap in my neighborhood: myself
October 10, 2025 at 2:11 PM
For Halloween I'm dressing like the ugliest piece of crap in my neighborhood: myself
I'm going down to City Hall to yell until my heart explodes
October 8, 2025 at 5:41 PM
I'm going down to City Hall to yell until my heart explodes
Brother you just brought poop to a piss fight
September 27, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Brother you just brought poop to a piss fight
I'm sick and fucking tired of spuds for dinner
September 13, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I'm sick and fucking tired of spuds for dinner
Hey @jonk.bsky.social chexj this shit out
July 12, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Hey @jonk.bsky.social chexj this shit out
My WWE ring name would be Big Randy
June 26, 2025 at 11:17 PM
My WWE ring name would be Big Randy
My dipshit neighbor Chris is going to wake up tomorrow to roughly 10,000 new spiders on his house.
June 21, 2025 at 9:38 PM
My dipshit neighbor Chris is going to wake up tomorrow to roughly 10,000 new spiders on his house.
My buddy Toothpaste James just got squeezed out of a tube
May 21, 2025 at 5:53 PM
My buddy Toothpaste James just got squeezed out of a tube
That George Jetson dude played around too much. I wouldn't have put up with that shit. That guy would have had a quick "accident" it he was acting funny like that around me.
May 15, 2025 at 1:42 PM
That George Jetson dude played around too much. I wouldn't have put up with that shit. That guy would have had a quick "accident" it he was acting funny like that around me.