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daze

daze

@longwindingdays.bsky.social

34 followers 72 following 480 posts

I don’t know how you got here but I suggest stepping back and away. This is a completely uncurated stream of consciousness and indulgences and I don’t give a fuck.

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daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · 29d

Oh Mother Mary there is discernment waiting for me today, isn’t there? 😭

Fine. I’ll ask my family to pick up that thing the university is preparing in your image.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · 29d

Global crisis after global crisis be speedrunning you through lifetimes and careers but guess what? You are still a human being, residing in human flesh, and fuelled but human wants, needs, desires, emotions, bound human weaknesses

This fucking SUCKS

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · 29d

Yeah actually all your more practical and specialised classes can be out of date at some point but NOT any of the humanities, no. NOTHING’S MORE TIMELESS THAN THE HUMAN CONDITION YOU INEXPERIENCED FOOL?

HOW DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE PROVEN WRONG, YOU BLISSFULLY IGNORANT CHILD?!

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · 29d

Now I am using them to help me work out what it is that unsettles me about this decision that I have to make. Why do the options presented to me both seem like they aren’t the right one? Why am I acting like those prissy annoying philosophers that had to endlessly question everything?

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · 29d

Hating how those Jesuits were once again right about forcing all their students to go through basically as many humanities classes as their major-specific classes. I keep thinking back to the readings they put us through and the discussions we had.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

But also I have a truly terrible temper and I will more likely choose violence over peace. Maybe I won’t hit anyone but my words are sharp and my temper is fierce, especially when stressed. I have a lot of growing to do before I can act civil with a non-guest non-family member in my own home 😅

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Generally speaking, part of the reason why I have no desire to get married is because it sounds so troublesome to have someone else in the house and having to coordinate with them 😅 my parents were never big on communication and I also preferred doing school projects solo.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

So yeah, some food for thought for you. I think those people who suggest cohabitation before marriage were on the right because it’s probably valuable knowledge to know if you can’t stand living with someone 😂 and also how troublesome you can be as a roommate too. Lots compromise and communication.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Personally, I will be a lot less tolerant with a husband with messes and poorly done chores than I ever have been for my father LMAO. I am willing to pick up after my father but a grown ass man I’m married to needs to be able to clean up after himself and put things back in their proper place 💁

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Your idea of “normal” home living can’t be considered standard. Every household will be different and have its own quirks. You’ll need to be attentive to your home life as well as your partner’s to work out how you can live civilly with each other.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Then this does circle back to your recent diagnosis, no? You also need to take the time to understand yourself and how you work, as well as what support you currently getting to be able to execute your daily living. This can be as simple as things being reliably returned to specific place.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Understandable frustration, unacceptable reaction. I’d never allow such a person to live under the same roof as me. I can put up with a lot, but if anyone dares to call themselves my family while giving me grief for something I made clear they would need to help me through then they are dead to me.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

My illness and need for accommodations can be used against me and even kind people, when pushed under the pressures of life, will likely cave to our world’s normalised ableism and blame their misfortune on having to care for me in a world that works against me.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

My partner would have to help me through all those trials. That is an irrefutable fact. And most people especially our age would have no idea what to do or how to deal with it. I am also wholly cognisant about the stigma between sickly women and healthy husbands. I want to deal with none of it.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

I also know my mother’s own reservations about asking my other siblings to help her with touchy medical concerns like massaging an ointment into her back when it hurts. As well as how tough a nurse had to be to help me through my hospitalisation when I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom by myself.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

I don’t have a lot of mettle so I get the value of it. And I think not a lot of people understand what it means to be able to stick it out with someone. I know I’m in for medical poverty for the rest of my life and anyone who seeks to be involved with me has to be okay with that as well.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Personally for me, I’ve never been interested in relationships but if I were at all to pick, I wouldn’t take anyone seriously unless I can tell they have mettle and wouldn’t turn away if things got tough or had to handle me in my illness.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Perhaps framing it from the pov that ok I need to make things work with this person and their family

On one hand, people with good intentions can be messy themselves and wouldn’t know how to be a good spouse and some people are clearly dangerous. On the other, it’s absurd what people can overcome.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

If all else fails, you can tell your parents if you think your partner can ruin everything for you and your family. That would send alarm bells because now they need to double check if this guy is a liability for their own survival.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Ugh sorry the sudden rant. What I mean to say is that there are so many ways things can turn out so no solution is a clear win.

What I hope is that you can keep your feet on the ground and have a clear idea of what could be a problem and how to handle it. That’s probably the deciding factor tbh.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

Like we knew there was something wrong with him but we never expected things to ever get this bad. I thought he just needed some time to mature! He was the most normal of us! No terrible event ruined his education! No broken friendships! No clear neurodivergence! People always loved him!

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

It’s insulting. We are willing to drop everything for his sake and he thinks we want bribes? How about show that you even care about us instead of just an afterthought as you use us to get further with your life? Does he know no shame?

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

The help doesn’t come cheap, nor is it convenient for us but we do it anyway (except for my sister, she won’t even stand to let the girl into our house,

He genuinely does not think he has done anything wrong, only that he has somehow offended us and so he only tries to bribe us. It’s disgusting.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

It’s really insulting that he acts as if he did nothing wrong and tries to placate us with gifts when the wrong he has done to us is nothing like that. It also pisses us off that he acts like he’s independent and can decide for himself but whenever he runs into trouble he can only ask us for help.

daze @longwindingdays.bsky.social · Sep 20

You know, one time my brother called us in the evening, crying, asking our mom if he could stay the night bc of an argument with his partner.

I cleaned up a room just for him and the kid to stay at. My sister was ready to welcome him and the kid back. He ended up not going to see us.