Linux Fortunes
@linuxfortunes.bsky.social
Random fortune cookies provided by Linux's very own fortune-mod
Randal can write one-liners again. Everyone is happy, and peace spreads
over the whole Earth.
-- Larry Wall in <[email protected]>
[perl/138]
February 5, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Randal can write one-liners again. Everyone is happy, and peace spreads
over the whole Earth.
-- Larry Wall in <[email protected]>
[perl/138]
He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid
ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/0]
ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/0]
February 5, 2026 at 2:00 AM
He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid
ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/0]
ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/0]
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A: One less drunk.
[riddles/98]
February 5, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A: One less drunk.
[riddles/98]
Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel;
Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest
science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all
on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
-- Harlan Ellison
[art/308]
February 5, 2026 at 12:00 AM
Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel;
Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest
science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all
on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
-- Harlan Ellison
[art/308]
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
[goedel/10]
February 4, 2026 at 11:00 PM
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
[goedel/10]
Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
[ Better late than never ]
[translate-me/6]
February 4, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
[ Better late than never ]
[translate-me/6]
Humor in the Court:
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
[law/84]
February 4, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Humor in the Court:
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
[law/84]
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only
take a bath ...
[platitudes/369]
February 4, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. Now, if they'd only
take a bath ...
[platitudes/369]
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
green, baggy skin.
[politics/228]
February 4, 2026 at 7:00 PM
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
green, baggy skin.
[politics/228]
The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from
the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called
cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/1]
February 4, 2026 at 6:00 PM
The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from
the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called
cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch"
[pratchett/1]
I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
[zippy/138]
February 4, 2026 at 5:00 PM
I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
[zippy/138]
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were
wearing masks for.
-- James Boren
[medicine/32]
February 4, 2026 at 4:00 PM
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were
wearing masks for.
-- James Boren
[medicine/32]
RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems
-- Seen on Slashdot
[knghtbrd/462]
February 4, 2026 at 3:00 PM
RFC 882 put the dot in .com, not Sun Microsystems
-- Seen on Slashdot
[knghtbrd/462]
P-K4
[sports/103]
February 4, 2026 at 2:00 PM
P-K4
[sports/103]
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
[drugs/6]
February 4, 2026 at 1:00 PM
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
[drugs/6]
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
-- B. Duggan
[platitudes/432]
February 4, 2026 at 12:00 PM
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
-- B. Duggan
[platitudes/432]
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought,
a rivalry of aim.
-- Henry Brook Adams
[people/737]
February 4, 2026 at 11:00 AM
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought,
a rivalry of aim.
-- Henry Brook Adams
[people/737]
Having wandered helplessly into a blinding snowstorm Sam was greatly
relieved to see a sturdy Saint Bernard dog bounding toward him with
the traditional keg of brandy strapped to his collar.
"At last," cried Sam, "man's best friend -- and a great big dog, too!"
[drugs/52]
February 4, 2026 at 10:00 AM
Having wandered helplessly into a blinding snowstorm Sam was greatly
relieved to see a sturdy Saint Bernard dog bounding toward him with
the traditional keg of brandy strapped to his collar.
"At last," cried Sam, "man's best friend -- and a great big dog, too!"
[drugs/52]
Experience
Experience is a riverbed,
Its source hidden, forever flowing:
Its entrance, the root of the world,
The Way moves within it:
Draw upon it; it will not run dry.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
[tao/7]
February 4, 2026 at 9:00 AM
Experience
Experience is a riverbed,
Its source hidden, forever flowing:
Its entrance, the root of the world,
The Way moves within it:
Draw upon it; it will not run dry.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
[tao/7]
"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
-- A. L.
[education/97]
February 4, 2026 at 8:00 AM
"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
-- A. L.
[education/97]
Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection
unprotected.
-- Robert Orben
[kids/95]
February 4, 2026 at 7:00 AM
Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection
unprotected.
-- Robert Orben
[kids/95]
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
[science/239]
February 4, 2026 at 6:00 AM
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
[science/239]
Tranquillity
The Way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone.
When you accept this
The world will flourish,
In harmony with nature.
Nature does not possess desire;
Without desire, the heart becomes quiet;
In this manner the whole world is made tranquil.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
[tao/38]
February 4, 2026 at 5:00 AM
Tranquillity
The Way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone.
When you accept this
The world will flourish,
In harmony with nature.
Nature does not possess desire;
Without desire, the heart becomes quiet;
In this manner the whole world is made tranquil.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
[tao/38]
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
[literature/180]
February 4, 2026 at 4:00 AM
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
[literature/180]
Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment.
-- seen in a posting in comp.software.testing
[linux/79]
February 4, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment.
-- seen in a posting in comp.software.testing
[linux/79]