im hopeful i can find better ways to manage myself through the therapy i'm finally getting at the help of my friends, but until then i still need to make ends meet at the barest minimum of payments. thank you all again for anything-- shares, support 🩵 the kindness keeps me here

i sound like a broken record saying it again and again but i truly am just doing my best despite everything. the burnout has made this a thousand times harder than it otherwise would be and i'm just trying to navigate that amidst everything else

i want to only take what i can afford and can reasonably complete before the end of the year, so slots are limited. i'm making progress on my queue in much smaller increments than i'd like, but i am doing all i can when i can manage it. i appreciate all the help and grace given

bills are coming up shortly, so i'm making the decision to open a few avenues to cover my expenses:
🔷️ one, an outfit commission slot:
forms.gle/DrBL4f6As3YK...

🔷️ two, various kofi slots:
ko-fi.com/kokuouji/com...

🔷️ and three, a direct donation:
ko-fi.com/kokuouji/goa...

he's all dressed up with places to go ❤🐇 (in my head rent free, for the most part)

tysm to @kokuouji.bsky.social for giving my boy a stunning outfit!

thank you so much for letting me have the opportunity to draw your beautiful boy again! 🩵

i don't know if i can be helped at this point

i can feel and see my wants slipping through my fingers, and i have no strength to grab onto any lifelines offered. i managed to grab this one, and...i think that's all i had in me. with it not making much difference, making certain things worse, adding more guilt onto everything else, i just

i don't want to leave anything unfinished. i'm trying to make it work. i owe so much i don't know i can ever manage to finish, things for friends i never list but always carry the weight of. things i want to do but never find the time or motivation for

i try to avoid work on days i'm dissociating and so depressed i can barely function, but those days are most of my time anymore, so i don't get much done. i've started doing what i can manage on the days i can manage it. sometimes it works out, others i have to stop. i appreciate the patience

there's been steps, kindness, and when i can exist outside of myself i am grateful and making good memories, but at the end of every day i lose it all. i've been deeply suicidal for years now and i think i just broke, a few months ago. the days i'm manic and trying to save myself are fewer and fewer

trying to hold myself accountable and catch up more on the queue of owed work i have before i try to take more to cover this month's bills. unfortunately despite everything the last few weeks, i have not improved in any tangible way, and i've come to the conclusion i've given up a long time ago

FOR CLARIFICATION: niya and i are okay! friends grabbed me to help with my suicidal depression and to take some stress off of paying for existing for a little bit 🩵

scribbled these up quick for a beach episode session for diuma's campaign, featuring his npc boyfriend 🙂‍↕️🩵

a "skeb" comm off kofi of the drifter kaylessa 🫰

#commission

and look so cute while holding all of it! thank you so much for having me draw her 🩵

a "skeb" comm off kofi of the drifter kaylessa 🫰

#commission

on top of this, I have commissions open at the moment, big and little options and more!

thank you so much! he needed a cute little swimsuit 😩🩵 im a huge sucker for the old fashioned swimshort shape

scribbled these up quick for a beach episode session for diuma's campaign, featuring his npc boyfriend 🙂‍↕️🩵

in the midst of trying to make rent, my tablet has finally decided to kick the bucket (it flickers endlessly like this or goes entirely black). I'll have a new comm post up tomorrow, but I've set a goal on my ko-fi for now if anyone is willing to throw in a bit to help 🥹

ko-fi.com/lunarniya

FOR CLARIFICATION: niya and i are okay! friends grabbed me to help with my suicidal depression and to take some stress off of paying for existing for a little bit 🩵

it does a lot to remind people how much they're loved and the impact they have when support is given however it can be with no hesitation, and no expectation of recompense. i genuinely don't know how to process the kindness

i do not think of myself as someone worth donating time, effort, resources to, oftentimes, so the extension of this offer to stay with my friends was unexpected and has done a lot to me, at the moment, especially after so many people were kind enough to freely donate money for my bills