Jeff Ayers, author
@jeffayerswrites.bsky.social
Fantasy author, doofus, mage and cleric, teacher
Website: jeffayerswrites.com
Website: jeffayerswrites.com
Me, thinking about how easy it was to breathe through my nose two days ago:
That simple fool. I had no idea how good I had it. Perfect respiration, wasted.
That simple fool. I had no idea how good I had it. Perfect respiration, wasted.
December 27, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Me, thinking about how easy it was to breathe through my nose two days ago:
That simple fool. I had no idea how good I had it. Perfect respiration, wasted.
That simple fool. I had no idea how good I had it. Perfect respiration, wasted.
There is a staggering variety of cheeses for sale in every grocery store
December 26, 2025 at 5:45 PM
There is a staggering variety of cheeses for sale in every grocery store
You think I don’t know what a persimmon is
Of course I know what a persimmon is
You fool
Of course I know what a persimmon is
You fool
December 23, 2025 at 4:15 PM
You think I don’t know what a persimmon is
Of course I know what a persimmon is
You fool
Of course I know what a persimmon is
You fool
Alarm Clock would be a terrible ice cream flavor
December 19, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Alarm Clock would be a terrible ice cream flavor
Do you think camels know how weird they look
December 18, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Do you think camels know how weird they look
I wonder if that duck ever found any gwapes
December 17, 2025 at 1:22 PM
I wonder if that duck ever found any gwapes
I have never once had more than one mambo, I can’t even imagine FIVE of them
December 16, 2025 at 1:26 PM
I have never once had more than one mambo, I can’t even imagine FIVE of them
punctuation and capital letters were made up by ink manufacturers in order to sell more ink andspacesbetweenwordswereinventedbypapercompaniesforsimilarreasons
December 15, 2025 at 12:55 PM
punctuation and capital letters were made up by ink manufacturers in order to sell more ink andspacesbetweenwordswereinventedbypapercompaniesforsimilarreasons
Struggling to eat this entire pizza
But I will prevail
But I will prevail
December 14, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Struggling to eat this entire pizza
But I will prevail
But I will prevail
Bad: three spidermans
Better: three spidermen
Galaxy brain: three spidersman
Better: three spidermen
Galaxy brain: three spidersman
December 13, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Bad: three spidermans
Better: three spidermen
Galaxy brain: three spidersman
Better: three spidermen
Galaxy brain: three spidersman
Optometrists are like
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
December 13, 2025 at 1:24 AM
Optometrists are like
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
Yeah, we’ll grant you the gift of sight
But you gotta pay
When I kick the bucket, I give the executor of my will permission to strap my remains to an automatic pogo stick and let it go nuts
December 12, 2025 at 5:49 PM
When I kick the bucket, I give the executor of my will permission to strap my remains to an automatic pogo stick and let it go nuts
Grand Ol’ Osprey
December 12, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Grand Ol’ Osprey
Let me put all allegations to rest on the matter:
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
December 11, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Let me put all allegations to rest on the matter:
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
Yes, I did once eat hallway pizza because I spent all my Con money on a pleather cloak. No, I do not regret it. Yes, I still have the pleather cloak twenty years later.
“Hamster Castle” sounds great until you realize one of them will be dressed up as a little wizard guy and then it sounds AWESOME can you imagine that
December 10, 2025 at 12:53 PM
“Hamster Castle” sounds great until you realize one of them will be dressed up as a little wizard guy and then it sounds AWESOME can you imagine that
Yes, Virginia, Grape Ape is a Kaiju
December 9, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Yes, Virginia, Grape Ape is a Kaiju
What if a gravedigger digs lots of things and is just very serious all the time
Didn’t think of that did you
Didn’t think of that did you
December 8, 2025 at 1:18 PM
What if a gravedigger digs lots of things and is just very serious all the time
Didn’t think of that did you
Didn’t think of that did you
“It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday”
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
December 7, 2025 at 2:44 PM
“It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday”
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Never told AM or PM. This song happens in the morning. They’re all day-drinking for breakfast.
Can’t talk right now. I’m trying to figure out Pringles
December 6, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Can’t talk right now. I’m trying to figure out Pringles
Bought a goose for home defense and now I can’t leave my house because there’s a big angry goose out there
December 5, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Bought a goose for home defense and now I can’t leave my house because there’s a big angry goose out there
Word: debuted
My brain: day byuted
My brain: day byuted
December 4, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Word: debuted
My brain: day byuted
My brain: day byuted
[sees spilled milk]
Keep it together, you’re in public
Keep it together, you’re in public
December 4, 2025 at 1:18 PM
[sees spilled milk]
Keep it together, you’re in public
Keep it together, you’re in public
Some of the old presidential campaign slogans were wild. “Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
December 3, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Some of the old presidential campaign slogans were wild. “Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
Man what are you even saying. Tippecanoe? And who is Tyler?!
You’re telling me
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
December 2, 2025 at 1:20 PM
You’re telling me
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
A chocolate lab covered these cherries
It will snow. It is snowing. It snows. It snew. It has snode.
December 1, 2025 at 12:45 PM
It will snow. It is snowing. It snows. It snew. It has snode.