Jackie Pick
@jackiepick.bsky.social
https://jackiepick.substack.com/
Words in McSweeney’s, The Sun Magazine, WOW-Women on Writing, The Belladonna, The Mark Twain House Royal Nonesuch, Coachella Review, Scary Mommy, Mamaload
#Woolfer
Former teacher
Words in McSweeney’s, The Sun Magazine, WOW-Women on Writing, The Belladonna, The Mark Twain House Royal Nonesuch, Coachella Review, Scary Mommy, Mamaload
#Woolfer
Former teacher
Pinned
Jackie Pick
@jackiepick.bsky.social
· May 18
Son: Did you know LASER is an acronym?
Me: Yes, it stands for "Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus."
He's still not speaking to me.
Me: Yes, it stands for "Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus."
He's still not speaking to me.
ICYMI
December 4, 2025 at 8:35 PM
ICYMI
Victoria's Secret is also not interested in my bra line called "Final Approach," which has a bedazzled image of Orville Wright on one cup and a propeller on the other.
December 4, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Victoria's Secret is also not interested in my bra line called "Final Approach," which has a bedazzled image of Orville Wright on one cup and a propeller on the other.
Victoria's Secret is also not interested in my idea to yell "Bingo!" after someone gets measured for a bra.
December 3, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Victoria's Secret is also not interested in my idea to yell "Bingo!" after someone gets measured for a bra.
Victoria's Secret is not interested in my idea for a line of underwear called "Climate Change."
December 2, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Victoria's Secret is not interested in my idea for a line of underwear called "Climate Change."
“(*le soupir*) November is just that month. It’s a little dumb and a lot chaotic and kinda drafty.
I don’t care much for dumb drafty chaos, so I hid and read.”
My latest — let’s go with “thoughts” — on what I enjoyed reading this month. ⬇️
I don’t care much for dumb drafty chaos, so I hid and read.”
My latest — let’s go with “thoughts” — on what I enjoyed reading this month. ⬇️
December 2, 2025 at 3:57 PM
“(*le soupir*) November is just that month. It’s a little dumb and a lot chaotic and kinda drafty.
I don’t care much for dumb drafty chaos, so I hid and read.”
My latest — let’s go with “thoughts” — on what I enjoyed reading this month. ⬇️
I don’t care much for dumb drafty chaos, so I hid and read.”
My latest — let’s go with “thoughts” — on what I enjoyed reading this month. ⬇️
For breakfast I had a veggie omelet, whole wheat bread with cream cheese on it, and a fruit cup, except it was a sizeable hunk of carrot cake.
November 30, 2025 at 1:10 PM
For breakfast I had a veggie omelet, whole wheat bread with cream cheese on it, and a fruit cup, except it was a sizeable hunk of carrot cake.
My inbox is Black Friday Hellmouth.
November 28, 2025 at 2:32 PM
My inbox is Black Friday Hellmouth.
You have your Thanksgiving traditions, we have ours.
November 27, 2025 at 2:34 AM
You have your Thanksgiving traditions, we have ours.
ICYMI
"Butter is your verb of the day. Butter the turkey. Butter under the skin. Butter the cavity. Butter the pans. Butter the potatoes. Butter the rolls. Butter yourself. It’s a holiday."
My new piece. ⬇️
My new piece. ⬇️
A Brief, Inadvisable Guide to Hosting Thanksgiving
You too can be set up for the kind of failure that builds character.
open.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 6:39 PM
ICYMI
If your heart is pure, every day can be Black Friday, not just the three weeks before and after Thanksgiving.
November 25, 2025 at 1:06 PM
If your heart is pure, every day can be Black Friday, not just the three weeks before and after Thanksgiving.
"Butter is your verb of the day. Butter the turkey. Butter under the skin. Butter the cavity. Butter the pans. Butter the potatoes. Butter the rolls. Butter yourself. It’s a holiday."
My new piece. ⬇️
My new piece. ⬇️
A Brief, Inadvisable Guide to Hosting Thanksgiving
You too can be set up for the kind of failure that builds character.
open.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 1:05 PM
"Butter is your verb of the day. Butter the turkey. Butter under the skin. Butter the cavity. Butter the pans. Butter the potatoes. Butter the rolls. Butter yourself. It’s a holiday."
My new piece. ⬇️
My new piece. ⬇️
I'd go on Wheel of Fortune to make jackass guesses as early in the game as possible.
"I'd like to solve the puzzle, please.
(*enunciates*) SOILING THE ROOSTER."
"I'd like to solve the puzzle, please.
(*enunciates*) SOILING THE ROOSTER."
November 23, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I'd go on Wheel of Fortune to make jackass guesses as early in the game as possible.
"I'd like to solve the puzzle, please.
(*enunciates*) SOILING THE ROOSTER."
"I'd like to solve the puzzle, please.
(*enunciates*) SOILING THE ROOSTER."
My dog is helping with Thanksgiving prep.
November 22, 2025 at 12:57 PM
My dog is helping with Thanksgiving prep.
ICYMI:
"I’ve absorbed everyone’s emotions because my empathy is an open-concept floor plan. Add to that the simmering impatience of the man in the Subaru behind us who believes my insufficient acceleration jeopardizes the spirit of American progress."
"I’ve absorbed everyone’s emotions because my empathy is an open-concept floor plan. Add to that the simmering impatience of the man in the Subaru behind us who believes my insufficient acceleration jeopardizes the spirit of American progress."
“He was pecking at the side of my house right outside my office like he was trying to Morse-code Infinite Jest into the drywall.
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
I Yelled at a Bird
On Writing While Having Ears
open.substack.com
November 21, 2025 at 4:58 PM
ICYMI:
"I’ve absorbed everyone’s emotions because my empathy is an open-concept floor plan. Add to that the simmering impatience of the man in the Subaru behind us who believes my insufficient acceleration jeopardizes the spirit of American progress."
"I’ve absorbed everyone’s emotions because my empathy is an open-concept floor plan. Add to that the simmering impatience of the man in the Subaru behind us who believes my insufficient acceleration jeopardizes the spirit of American progress."
I'm still doing dishes from last Thanksgiving.
November 21, 2025 at 12:54 PM
I'm still doing dishes from last Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving: the cornucopia-est of holidays.
November 20, 2025 at 11:29 AM
Thanksgiving: the cornucopia-est of holidays.
“He was pecking at the side of my house right outside my office like he was trying to Morse-code Infinite Jest into the drywall.
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
I Yelled at a Bird
On Writing While Having Ears
open.substack.com
November 19, 2025 at 3:35 PM
“He was pecking at the side of my house right outside my office like he was trying to Morse-code Infinite Jest into the drywall.
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
In his defense, that’s his job. He’s a woodpecker. Nominative determinism at its most bloggable.”
My new piece. ⬇️
open.substack.com/pub/jackiepi...
You guys, Pinterest found some rigatoni pins for me.
November 19, 2025 at 2:47 PM
You guys, Pinterest found some rigatoni pins for me.
"What the hell?"
-- me, every three minutes of Dune.
-- me, every three minutes of Dune.
November 18, 2025 at 11:07 PM
"What the hell?"
-- me, every three minutes of Dune.
-- me, every three minutes of Dune.
Toxic Muskulinity
November 17, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Toxic Muskulinity
One son made a Jeopardy-style game for my birthday, with categories shamelessly calibrated to my areas of expertise: Kurt Vonnegut, the family dog, Danish Butter Cookie Tins, and questions based on photos of his school lunches.
Somehow, I lost.
Somehow, my husband "won" with a score of -2400.
Somehow, I lost.
Somehow, my husband "won" with a score of -2400.
November 16, 2025 at 1:58 PM
One son made a Jeopardy-style game for my birthday, with categories shamelessly calibrated to my areas of expertise: Kurt Vonnegut, the family dog, Danish Butter Cookie Tins, and questions based on photos of his school lunches.
Somehow, I lost.
Somehow, my husband "won" with a score of -2400.
Somehow, I lost.
Somehow, my husband "won" with a score of -2400.
Thrilled to finally be old enough to play one of the teenagers in Grease.
November 14, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Thrilled to finally be old enough to play one of the teenagers in Grease.
"Do not bring home $20 worth of fart putty."
-- instructions I give to my kid before she goes to the book fair.
-- instructions I give to my kid before she goes to the book fair.
November 12, 2025 at 6:08 PM
"Do not bring home $20 worth of fart putty."
-- instructions I give to my kid before she goes to the book fair.
-- instructions I give to my kid before she goes to the book fair.
I woke up in a good mood. I'm not sure how to handle this.
November 11, 2025 at 1:25 PM
I woke up in a good mood. I'm not sure how to handle this.
Icymi
I read four brilliant books this month while impersonating a damp Victorian antimacassar.
My latest not-quite-reviews up on the ol' blog.
My latest not-quite-reviews up on the ol' blog.
Gross and Fallible (Me). Brilliant and Difficult (Books).
What I Read October 2025
open.substack.com
November 6, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Icymi