Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

LightNews

Ian Power

@ihpower.bsky.social

1.4K followers 160 following 2.8K posts

@IHPower on Twitter. Don’t take this shit too seriously. Unless I’m talking about Tories, I really do hate them that much.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 5h

FYI. If you're holding an opened umbrella it's your job to make sure it avoids other pedestrians. Not the other way around. Don't be a dick.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 6h

A colleague keeps muttering unintelligible nonsense to herself. I’ve shown her how to open a Bluesky account.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 10h

Today is the tenth anniversary of the day I put my favourite T-shirt in a separate drawer and said to myself I’ll wear it again when I’ve lost some weight.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 11h

I feel really claustrophobic when I visit my local chemist. I fear I've become too big for my Boots.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

I just ate the salad with my doner kebab. Like some sort of fucking health freak.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

I was rather surprised to see 'The Gluten Free Society' website uses cookies.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

WHAT DO WE WANT?

MORE ANAGRAMS!

WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?

WON!

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

An artist friend paints little flowers on his bollocks to impress the ladies. It’s pretty nuts, to be honest.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

“My shopping list's very Irish today: stout, a pencil and deodorant.”

"How's that Irish?"

“Guinness, 2B, Sure.”

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 1d

I was going to give a lecture about Catholic birth control methods today, but I had to pull out at the last minute.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 2d

“You’re delusional and live in the past, Ian”, she said as she walked out the door. “You’ll come crawling back when I win the pools”, I shouted after her.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 2d

I bet that curmudgeonly old nob, Alan Sugar, intends to be buried. Just to spoil the best parting line of any cremation ever.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 3d

How do I know who robbed the Heinz factory? I have my sauces.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 3d

I've just received my copy of The Catholic Times. It's got a pullout section on recommended contraception practices.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 3d

I, for one, am sorry the orange turd didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize. Now hear me out… If the man-baby had won, the prize would’ve lost all credibility and we wouldn’t have the annual MSM obsession with this virtue-signalling wankfest.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 3d

We should collect all the extraneous esses used at the end of Tesco in Britain and send them to the USA to be used at the end of math.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 3d

*puts Fitbit in the tumble dryer and eats more bacon*

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 4d

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you

~James Blunt

I’d love to fuck you but you’re with that lucky cunt!

~James Blunter

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 4d

I might invite someone else next time.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 4d

I had a Sunday lunch that lasted nearly two hours and polished off two bottles of wine. I like those Sunday lunches best.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 4d

"I sometimes put spit on my cock before having sex.” - Bob Carolgees.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 5d

I'm smart enough to know how to pronounce chorizo. I'm wise enough to know it would make me sound like a dickhead.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 5d

Who are Beyoncé's favourite Emmerdale characters?

All the Dingle ladies.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 5d

Fool people into thinking you've passed your Advanced Driving Test by simply using indicators at roundabouts.

Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 5d

“You do realise they're everywhere, poisoning our way of life with their strange ways and beliefs.”

"Immigrants?"

“No, Daily Mail readers.”