LOS ANGELES: All citizens are urged to look away from news broadcast on channels 2, 3, 7, 11, 13 and 17. Possible COGNITO HAZARD in effect. Symptoms unknown. Any Retainer with SUPERLIMINAL abilities report to your local Informant immediately. Code BLACK.

NORWALK: MOTOR ELEMENTALISK speeding down I-5, causing traffic accidents. Several civilians injured. Speed Enhancer currently in pursuit. Asking any available Retainer to lend support, code RED.

SANTA MONICA: Received multiple calls regarding a rogue ASPIDOCHELONE drifting off VENICE BEACH. Risk to local sea traffic too great to ignore. Any available Retainers asked to assist in guiding it back to the Pacific. Do NOT ingest any fruit or berries growing on its back.

ROLLING HILLS: DRYAD colony discovered in SOUTH COAST BOTANICAL GARDEN. In urgent need of relocation. Retainers with experience handling Forest Elemental Spirits or Transhumanoids requested.

GARDENA: Massive pit just appeared in parking lot outside RALPH’S. Preliminary measurements indicate bottomless, possible CHTHONIC incursion point. Mutation and Materialization Retainers asked to stand watch.

CARSON: Calls coming in about an anomalous tube slide in DOLPHIN PARK. Physical appearance is ordinary, but children entering the top takes close to an hour to emerge at the end. Possible dimensional breach or non-euclidean distortion. Retainers with MANCY or ARCANE powers asked to investigate.

CYPRESS: Herd of CENTAURS spotted near LEXINGTON PARK asking for directions to “Ulilaia”. Anyone with knowledge of Centaur language asked to report to Retainer HUANG LI at the scene.

PASADENA: Floating passenger cars and transports spotted in local airspace. Suspected extraterrestrial or elementalisk activity. No current threat to local population, but should be dealt with ASAP. Local Retainers report to Informants for further info.

GLOBAL: No reports today. It’s quiet out there, and temperatures are rising. Get a can of cream soda while you still can, something is bound to happen.

BUENA PARK: Manager of a hotel called about missing kitchen appliances. Sounds like they have a Ratnik problem. Most likely a small colony in the basement. Retainers on extermination duty please report. Bring tetanus shots.

LONG BEACH: Local elf reports the club she frequents has ‘bad vibes’. Historical records indicate it was built on a ley line conjunction. Any Retainers with DIVINATION or ARCANE abilities should investigate.

THE FURNACE: Dorolya Syndicacy Vampires caught embezzling funds. Internal investigation has been conducted, but suspects reportedly refuse to comply. Retainers are instructed to leave the matter to the proper authorities, but asking that ENHANCERS be on standby.

BEVERLY HILLS: FLAME ELEMENTALISK sighted on corner of Rodeo and Wilshire. Local fire department involved, and Four Seasons evacuated. Calling any Retainer nearby, this is a CODE RED emergency. Hydromancers requested.

COMPTON: Local hive of Fey reporting a missing queen. Possible relation to recent upsurge in ley line activity. Seeking Retainers with experience in transhumanoids to handle it. Report to Informant Wess for further instructions.

INGLEWOOD: Basilisks sighted downtown raiding a local corner store. Retainers with experience in handling GEMINITE CHIMERAS please report. DO NOT HARM.

LAGUNA BEACH: Schools of Nereids reported luring tourists into the ocean. Need any Retainer with ARCANE abilities on the job.

ANAHEIM: Confirmed sighting of rampaging Hellspawn. 3 individuals. Any free Retainers report to your Informant immediately. Code BLACK emergency.

BEVERLY HILLS: Received reports of people’s faces being stolen. Possible flayer, apparition or transhumanoid. Need retainers with divination to report in.

Uplink established. Confirming feed looks green. Any Informant that does not receive this transmission, please contact me ASAP.