Author | Lightnews

Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 1h

Thank you. I find it hard to understand how I can see something clearly on a logical, intellectual level yet can utterly brush it aside believing it doesn’t apply to me and I don’t need to do anything about it.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3h

Well done! Let’s hope they listen!!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3h

Then emotions hit, I got utterly overwhelmed and scared, and started restricting again (well, even more than I already was).
Now my intake is pathetic, but it feels good.
I’m walking again instead of resting. I’m told it’s dangerous but I can’t accept that even though I *know* it.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3h

Beginning to recognise how much anorexia manipulates and twists all of my thoughts.
After my brief admission a couple of weeks ago I was determined things had to change, it was getting dangerous.
I took about 10 days to focus on rest, nutrition and fluids.
It was gradually getting harder.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3h

It’s so crazy, the support we are supposed to access is inaccessible.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3d

Ooh, I’d forgotten it was on last night, thanks for the reminder!!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 3d

How do people cope when they go completely non-verbal alongside extremely slow response times?
I’m meant to have an appt at CMHT today (for useless DBT skills that I’m actually trained to teach anyway!) but really can’t deal with it, or cancelling it.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 11d

Hugs 🥰

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 11d

They seriously need people with experience of using services to take up these positions!!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 12d

Evening.
I’m absolutely exhausted. Having to work so hard to try to keep fluids up as well as managing my fortisip to avoid returning to hospital. It’s totally draining me, felt like giving up today but I’ve pushed through. #MadSkyChat

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 12d

I literally came home from it yesterday and went straight to bed, utterly drained.
He really got it though, understood the situation. He brought his manager in to join us half way through and after much discussion, they’re recommending medical capability dismissal.
Feeling pretty numb.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 13d

Fantastic! At last!!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 13d

Today is the day… occupational health appointment at 2pm 😬
I highly suspect this will result in the end of my job. I’m kind of ok with that now but had wanted to complete the fellowship. Genuinely not sure I can anymore.
Very anxious and scared.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

Oh I totally get and hate that feeling 😢 sorry you’re experiencing it too.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

At least my Dad can take me to and from occ health appointment as I would not manage that journey on top of the appointment (also have to find them in a totally unknown part of a huge hospital!!!)

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

Absolutely!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

And they only allowed me to self-discharge from hospital because I am seeing psychiatrist on Friday, they saw that as a safety net to allow me to go without mh assessment, and they contacted him too so can’t postpone that either!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

I’ve been asking work if I can return to just one aspect of my role that’s entirely home based and will finish at the end of Feb. Am beginning to wonder if I just need to bite the bullet and hand in my notice once ssp has ended.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

I’d definitely have postponed the haircut if I’d remembered in time but I’ll have to pay for it either way now.
Occ health I’ve literally been waiting for since May with many screw ups on my managers side.
Counselling I could cancel or do online, I’ll decide nearer the time as I’ll probably need it!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

Oh and I need to go back to the GP tomorrow too 🤦‍♀️

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 15d

Being ill is a job in itself.
I planned to have a really quiet week this week and to just rest. Checked my calendar:
Mon: haircut, too late to cancel
Tues: Occupational health appointment
Wed: blood test
Thurs: counselling
Fri: psychiatrist
Then kids staying Sat-Wed!!!
So much for resting!!!

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 16d

Thank you, she’s a gorgeous old girl and so affectionate 😻

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 16d

So so glad to have spent an extremely lazy day at home today. I utterly crashed this afternoon for a bit but perked up again later. Definitely need several days like today to start to recover. The crochet blanket is growing slowly and Pepsi is loving all the fuss and attention.

A beautiful black cat looking straight at the camera with bright eyes and pointy ears, standing on a bright multicoloured crochet blanket made of lots of squares.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 17d

Finally home!
What a palaver that was, and a rush against the clock to collect meds from the pharmacy before it closed at 6pm after the ward messed up the prescription but swore they hadn’t 🤦‍♀️ I’m definitely getting better at advocating for my needs!
Now to do absolutely nothing except snuggle Pepsi.

A beautiful sleek black cat spread out lengthwise along my legs. Happy to be back with me. Green rug and fireplace in the background.

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Healing in nature @healinginnature.bsky.social · 17d

Yep, they totally don’t get that. I’ve managed to explain it this afternoon but they still wanted to keep me. Now in the process of self-discharging with my Dad’s backing (he’s with me and agrees).
Yes there are risks associated but I know how to mitigate them and will be careful.

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