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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

it’s painful. Lately, everything feels painful. I’m living in a hell of my own making. I just had this thought. I foresaw my end. I will surely die by my own hand.It’s not really sad. My head just hurts, that’s all.

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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

And right now, my body really hurts. My period cramps are bad, and I’m just lying down helplessly. I’m working on a commission I got paid for in advance, but drawing requires thinking, and when I think, I get swallowed by my emotions.

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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

I even canceled the plans I’d made with some friends recently. I think I paid about 100,000 won as a cancellation fee, but honestly, money doesn’t matter to me anymore. I don’t feel anything at all. I don’t even have anything I want to do—so what’s the point of saving up money?

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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

I don’t know what kind of help I need, or how I’m supposed to get better. The mental health care around here isn’t great anyway. And honestly… I just don’t have the will for it. I don’t want to ask anyone for help. I just wish I could die alone.

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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

I’m always tormented by suicidal thoughts and dark emotions… especially lately. You’d probably get sick of seeing someone constantly suffering and complaining, right? Yeah… I’m sick of myself.

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Junk yard @gonggibab.bsky.social · 17h

Thanks to my friends who worried about me on Discord. I didn't have the strength to reach out separately, so I revived my BlueSky account. I've been in a really bad place lately. Yesterday, I tried to kill myself. I failed. I just couldn't figure out where to hang the rope.