i asked 100 hot girls what they do for a living and the head nun kicked me out of the monastery
March 18, 2025 at 7:10 PM
i asked 100 hot girls what they do for a living and the head nun kicked me out of the monastery
oh child roland, to the dark tower he did travel!
February 9, 2025 at 9:11 PM
oh child roland, to the dark tower he did travel!
this type of post is worse than any hate speech filled tweet will ever be. lets bring some more negativity on here
January 30, 2025 at 6:04 PM
this type of post is worse than any hate speech filled tweet will ever be. lets bring some more negativity on here
put this bookshelf together with my girlfriend last night
January 30, 2025 at 2:37 PM
put this bookshelf together with my girlfriend last night
trying to make the new secretary feel welcome at work: i must say, you remind me a rather lot of pam from the office. i mean youre the total package! hubba hubba!
nigerian man with the soul of an angel: thank you, oh so very much, sir
nigerian man with the soul of an angel: thank you, oh so very much, sir
January 29, 2025 at 6:02 AM
trying to make the new secretary feel welcome at work: i must say, you remind me a rather lot of pam from the office. i mean youre the total package! hubba hubba!
nigerian man with the soul of an angel: thank you, oh so very much, sir
nigerian man with the soul of an angel: thank you, oh so very much, sir
if i worked on an assembly line id go apeshit on that mf.
for about ten minutes before id start trying to cum on everything!
for about ten minutes before id start trying to cum on everything!
January 29, 2025 at 5:58 AM
if i worked on an assembly line id go apeshit on that mf.
for about ten minutes before id start trying to cum on everything!
for about ten minutes before id start trying to cum on everything!
my son and i learn from each other. ive been teaching him quantum physics, and hes been teaching me about fart magic… ya, not a lot of thesis papers out there regarding the topic, but im sure its totally valid🙄 yay for children, oh whatever would we do without them😑
January 23, 2025 at 10:10 PM
my son and i learn from each other. ive been teaching him quantum physics, and hes been teaching me about fart magic… ya, not a lot of thesis papers out there regarding the topic, but im sure its totally valid🙄 yay for children, oh whatever would we do without them😑
trying to find where the off switch is on my custard machine but i just keep ramping up the power. theres custard everywhere. those teletubbies are frauds for selling me a bogus device. tiny winky, la la, dipsy, and po are on death watch for what they did to my beautiful carpet
January 23, 2025 at 8:46 PM
trying to find where the off switch is on my custard machine but i just keep ramping up the power. theres custard everywhere. those teletubbies are frauds for selling me a bogus device. tiny winky, la la, dipsy, and po are on death watch for what they did to my beautiful carpet
space boss: running bridge control is a major role. dont take this position lightly, or were all dead
me: got it🫡
(30 minutes later)
space pirate: this is a friendly requesting permission to board
me: (face suctioned to alien hustler magazine) permission granted come on in
me: got it🫡
(30 minutes later)
space pirate: this is a friendly requesting permission to board
me: (face suctioned to alien hustler magazine) permission granted come on in
April 13, 2024 at 11:46 PM
space boss: running bridge control is a major role. dont take this position lightly, or were all dead
me: got it🫡
(30 minutes later)
space pirate: this is a friendly requesting permission to board
me: (face suctioned to alien hustler magazine) permission granted come on in
me: got it🫡
(30 minutes later)
space pirate: this is a friendly requesting permission to board
me: (face suctioned to alien hustler magazine) permission granted come on in
ice spice looks like(a bullet launches through a wall, cratering into my head and dropping me limp)
uuunngh (slowly getting back up) ice spice looks like an ugly fish
uuunngh (slowly getting back up) ice spice looks like an ugly fish
February 12, 2024 at 8:03 PM
ice spice looks like(a bullet launches through a wall, cratering into my head and dropping me limp)
uuunngh (slowly getting back up) ice spice looks like an ugly fish
uuunngh (slowly getting back up) ice spice looks like an ugly fish
george: oh boy, now youve done it!
jerry: done what?!
goerge: it! youve done, it!
elaine: what are you guys talking about?😃
george: jerry stuffed kramer in his ass! oh i cant look, (peeking between his fingers)
kramer: (shrunken head poking out of jerry’s ass) a.. little help here fellas?
jerry: done what?!
goerge: it! youve done, it!
elaine: what are you guys talking about?😃
george: jerry stuffed kramer in his ass! oh i cant look, (peeking between his fingers)
kramer: (shrunken head poking out of jerry’s ass) a.. little help here fellas?
February 12, 2024 at 7:51 PM
george: oh boy, now youve done it!
jerry: done what?!
goerge: it! youve done, it!
elaine: what are you guys talking about?😃
george: jerry stuffed kramer in his ass! oh i cant look, (peeking between his fingers)
kramer: (shrunken head poking out of jerry’s ass) a.. little help here fellas?
jerry: done what?!
goerge: it! youve done, it!
elaine: what are you guys talking about?😃
george: jerry stuffed kramer in his ass! oh i cant look, (peeking between his fingers)
kramer: (shrunken head poking out of jerry’s ass) a.. little help here fellas?
suckin on a wiener like its my last meal and im a starving inmate on death row
November 26, 2023 at 4:10 PM
suckin on a wiener like its my last meal and im a starving inmate on death row
i love all my bisexual friends, even the gay ones
August 27, 2023 at 6:35 PM
i love all my bisexual friends, even the gay ones
if you have over 2k tweets on this app already you need to chill out
August 1, 2023 at 5:29 PM
if you have over 2k tweets on this app already you need to chill out
PSA: i just found out about this filtered content under the moderation tab. all of them were on hidden. who knows how much important stuff i missed out on..
August 1, 2023 at 5:23 PM
PSA: i just found out about this filtered content under the moderation tab. all of them were on hidden. who knows how much important stuff i missed out on..
i cant wait for my dad to have dementia so i can gaslight him into thinking im the son he always dreamed of
July 30, 2023 at 5:30 AM
i cant wait for my dad to have dementia so i can gaslight him into thinking im the son he always dreamed of
me, playing dungeons and dragons in the breakroom: if we eat the boss’ finger we’ll draw power from him. the more demon parts we eat the stronger we get. let’s kill him and assume his role
my boss, listening with his ear cupped against the wall: theyre talking about me..
my boss, listening with his ear cupped against the wall: theyre talking about me..
July 30, 2023 at 3:29 AM
me, playing dungeons and dragons in the breakroom: if we eat the boss’ finger we’ll draw power from him. the more demon parts we eat the stronger we get. let’s kill him and assume his role
my boss, listening with his ear cupped against the wall: theyre talking about me..
my boss, listening with his ear cupped against the wall: theyre talking about me..
(showing up to the tarzan retreat in finland with a 12 pack of 4lokos and a ziploc bag full of blunts) yo whats up monkeys lets get fuckin dickered ay
July 29, 2023 at 9:07 PM
(showing up to the tarzan retreat in finland with a 12 pack of 4lokos and a ziploc bag full of blunts) yo whats up monkeys lets get fuckin dickered ay
me: im just a little guy! you wouldnt put me in your mou- (the giant lizard babe swallows me whole)
me, in her belly: damn this shit cozy
me, in her belly: damn this shit cozy
July 23, 2023 at 11:11 PM
me: im just a little guy! you wouldnt put me in your mou- (the giant lizard babe swallows me whole)
me, in her belly: damn this shit cozy
me, in her belly: damn this shit cozy
so much drama on here i dont even know what to do witg myself😩 oh wait yes i do ill just not follow anybody who sucks
July 23, 2023 at 11:06 PM
so much drama on here i dont even know what to do witg myself😩 oh wait yes i do ill just not follow anybody who sucks
something interesting about this site is i can see whenever a mutual thirst responds to a naked woman and it puts the naked woman on my timeline
July 21, 2023 at 9:07 PM
something interesting about this site is i can see whenever a mutual thirst responds to a naked woman and it puts the naked woman on my timeline
dont you hate when you’re trying to play the drinking game where you take a shot every time you get scored on in rocket league, but you keep 5-0ing teams
July 21, 2023 at 9:02 PM
dont you hate when you’re trying to play the drinking game where you take a shot every time you get scored on in rocket league, but you keep 5-0ing teams
mom.. did you invite friends over? (pointing at the giant man crawling out from the dirt in my backyard)
July 21, 2023 at 8:16 PM
mom.. did you invite friends over? (pointing at the giant man crawling out from the dirt in my backyard)
its insane to me rumpelstiltskin has never once entered into my home. i live everyday in such real, extreme fear. it almost feels as if its all for naught, yet..
July 16, 2023 at 3:19 PM
its insane to me rumpelstiltskin has never once entered into my home. i live everyday in such real, extreme fear. it almost feels as if its all for naught, yet..