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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower

@gegeenthusiast.bsky.social

37 followers 19 following 1.1K posts

First and foremost I am a 哥哥 enthusiast | they/them art acc: bamioayam

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · Jul 21

"what kind of bai ze fan are you"
this kind

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 23h

ME????? IM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY i run crying at like . Minecraft when playing alone

I watched the lp of that doctor guy though!!! no the person is actually just also a doctor

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 1d

go forth my onion......

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 1d

dati--

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

im sorry its about these truly hilariously godawful tiger statues we have in spades
youtube.com/shorts/m4WE1...

patung harimau malaya, lagu harimau malaya

YouTube video by CIVET MOUNT

youtube.com

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

i didknot know vaseline counted as a fruiy

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Reposted by 哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower

kum @notturnito.bsky.social · 2d

diriku bukan istrinya juga udah nyerah ngeliat dia

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

jiangdong shuangbi x harimau malaya memes

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

"sereal apa yang paling tua umurnya? koko krunch, soalnya dia kan koko ☺️✨️"

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

wang zhaojun sticker thats like "makanan makanan apa yang paling alim? tahu sutra"

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

maybe later i can do some wangchuan stickers or memos or sth for all 3 of us playing here.....

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

nyerah gak sih klo gw jadi dia
gak ada angin gak ada ujan dia udah di depan pintu Xiang Yu walaupun hanya untuk mipisin bunga2 istrinya

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哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

🫂🫂

Yeah 😔 I've actually known to a degree that good things happening is a trigger for twicefold the mental backlash so I grew up learning to be avoidant of seeking positive things or hoping anything works out wheezes

It's ridiculous
But I couldn't even get good grades without Sis crashing out 💀

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

I guess that's depressing

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

Anyhow I guess that explains why I'm drawn to specific spiritual worldviews when I'm otherwise agnostic

It's not even that all is suffering or anything

Just that good and bad are always the same coin to me that there's no differentiating them...

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

Experiencing positive things or emotions is just so closely intertwined with negative events for me that I have never really been able to feel happy
wipes face

There's no "going far back enough in my life" to find a point where I was capable of that

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

Or when I was like 4 years old and I really liked my dolls and because of that my sister just... yanno. Took a scissors and mutilated some of it......

And obviously I wasn't allowed to be upset about it because it's just doll hair

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

hijacking and commandeering what we were supposed to do after to """celebrate"""
Which was doing everything that she wanted even when I said I didn't want to do that

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

Like..... despite the achievement that is getting a 3.57 gpa in biomedical engineering while perpetually tethering over death's door
All I remember of my university graduation was my sister mocking how I looked in the graduation toga (that I have no say over) at least 6 times in 2 hours and then

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

Thinking back on it honestly it's soul crushing to realize that I was raised from a small child to always accept that any moment of personal joy will be ruined and pissed on and I will be mocked and made to regret grieving over it

I've lost all my life milestones to jealousy-borne mockery and spite

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

a slice of cake or pastry for it lest something happens days later that will make me REALLY regret it. Financial ruin or something because I thought I could get away with enjoying some cake

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

I don't know. I really just feel like I went through another spiritual death. I can't trust anything going my way because that's all monkey's paw-- I'll pay the price for it tenfold later. It sucks that it happened a week before my birthday because now I'm struggling with the idea of getting myself

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

I was making some progress in convincing myself to seek for more than grinding to survive until a death that I'm not technically responsible finally frees me from the responsibility to live so other people don't feel guilty

Well safe to say all that progress has been demolished

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 2d

urk I'm still really crushed by what happened during my trip 😔 And it's doubly sad for me because I know so many of my friends just want me to have a good time for once... but it ended up just retraumatizing me enough I'm regressing back to managing a mental health crisis

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

spread

哥哥 enjoyer, 白泽 knower @gegeenthusiast.bsky.social · 3d

man I am being SO pressure cooked today