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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 2d

Yes, services were held up whilst the doggo was rescued, but if you complained about the delays you're a cunt.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 4d

Metro 5.25pm Update:

All lines are currently operating a good service.

We regret any convenience this causes.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 5d

Throwback Thursday!

This March 1986 Mark Bau pic shows a St Albans-bound Harris set at Albion.

You may notice Albion was a complete shithole in 1986. It remains a complete shithole in 2025.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 5d

Offering door to door service, Sydney’s buses are miles ahead of us when it comes to customer service.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 7d

Metro 5.30pm Update:

All lines are currently running well with no delays, cancellations or other issues.

We haven’t actually checked, so here’s hoping that’s the case.

#MetroTrains

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 10d

We weren’t aware the bridges had formed a union and were taking industrial action.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 12d

Throwback Thursday! (kind of)

Completely fucking forgot about this and can't be fucked finding something to post.

So please enjoy last week's Throwback Thursday.

bsky.app/profile/fake...

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

Fake Metro Trains (@fakemetrotrains.bsky.social)

This Feb 1965 EW Morgan pic shows a Tait set at Lilydale on an ARHS enthusiast tour. Enthusiasts then: Camera, lunch and notebook. Enthusiasts now: Camera, lunch, notebook and a restraining order…

bsky.app

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 13d

We've today updated our network control software to v10.8.3.

Release notes:

* All lines run a good service.
* Reduce incidents of spontaneous signal failures by 0.0003%.

This update is untested - there's no guarantee how stable it is. We expect errors to occur.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 14d

BREAKING: The Metro Tunnel will soft open to passenger services in early December.

We plan to follow the Rosstown Railway strategy: Build, run one train, declare victory.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosstow...

#MetroTrains

Rosstown Railway - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 15d

The bus … it yearns for nature.

www.msn.com/en-au/news/a...

#MetroTrains

MSN

A V/Line bus carrying a number of passengers plunges down an embankment in Victoria's south east, prompting a high-angle rescue.

www.msn.com

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 17d

Reminder: Daylight Saving begins tonight. Your clocks go forward one hour at 2am.

However, we’ll be doing no such thing. We believe time is simply an illusion used to schedule trains - and frankly - we want absolutely no part in any of that.

#MetroTrains

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 19d

This Feb 1965 EW Morgan pic shows a Tait set at Lilydale on an ARHS enthusiast tour.

Enthusiasts then: Camera, lunch and notebook.

Enthusiasts now: Camera, lunch, notebook and a restraining order ordering them to keep away from our staff.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 22d

Metro 5.35pm Update:

All lines are running a good service this afternoon.

This is because we spent most the day browsing Reddit and chatting up Emma in Marketing, completely forgetting to arrange any fuckups.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 24d

Congratulations to Brisbane winning the #AFLGrandFinal.

Back home to Geelong? Last train leaves at 1.10am with additional services/night buses running.

Home to Brisbane? No train line to the airport, but there’s Uber or something maybe. Off you fuck. Quickly.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 24d

Good morning Melbourne!

We’ve just been informed there’s a big sportsball match today at the MCG.

Bit last minute, but we’ll throw on an extra train or two to help with the several hundred or so people attending.

#MetroTrains #AFLGrandFinal

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 25d

Good morning Melbourne!

Due to today's Grand Final public holiday all delays, cancellations and other fuckups will operate to an altered timetable. Remember to check the Fake Metro Trains app before your journey.

#MetroTrains

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 26d

Throwback Thursday!

This May 2003 Weston Langford pic shows Elecrail's Tait set at Showgrounds, running an enthusiast special.

Heritage trains still run on the Racecourse line, however we generally refer to them as "Comeng sets".

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 26d

Good morning Melbourne!

The Show starts today - why not pick up a FMT showbag?

For just $60, you get a bus replacement cardboard cutout, 3 expired Myki cards, a random work of fiction from our staff (a timetable) and a Metro-branded stress ball.

Excellent value!

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · 27d

Metro 5.25pm Update:

Minor delays on the Cranbourne/Pakenham lines due to an earlier trespasser near Oakleigh.

The trespasser is gone. The delays remain. The prophecy has been fulfilled.

#MetroTrains

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 19

Metro 5.25pm Update:

YOU ALL SUCK MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HORSE COCK.

Also, all lines are running well at present.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 18

This March 1988 Darren Hodges pic shows an N class and a Comeng set at Longwarry, near Drouin.

Overhead wires on the Gippsland line were pared back to Pakenham in stages starting 1987, and we made good coin selling the copper to a scrap metal dealer.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 16

Good morning Melbourne!

Please enjoy this amusing image.

#MetroTrains

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 16

Reports of a system fault are completely incorrect.

This was nothing more than a planned test/simulation of major delays commuters will regularly experience once the Tunnel opens.

#MetroTrains

www.theage.com.au/national/vic...

Train drivers stranded in Metro Tunnel for five hours during testing glitch

Metro Trains did not disclose the cause of the fault but said it had investigated and instituted “mitigations” to ensure the issue does not occur when the tunnel opens to passengers.

www.theage.com.au

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Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 15

Metro 5.15pm Update:

Due to debris in the overhead, the Upfield line is suspended with replacement buses in operation between North Melbourne and Coburg.

Think of it as a guided scenic tour of Sydney Road but with fewer seats and more red lights.

#MetroTrains

Fake Metro Trains @fakemetrotrains.bsky.social · Sep 11

Throwback Thursday!

Between 1998 and 2012 Metcard was the ticketing system in use on Melbourne’s transport system.

Metcard vending machines dispensed credit-card sized bookmarks, which also doubled as tickets.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

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