Evan J’Daté Kessler
@evanjkessler.bsky.social
Here to make friends and find love and I'm all out of making friends. Comedian and host of "Won't You Be My Killer?" podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wont-you-be-my-killer/id1736422937
Sometimes, when I buy a book, the store will give me a nice bookmark with my purchase, but I just end up using the receipt as the bookmark.
November 26, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Sometimes, when I buy a book, the store will give me a nice bookmark with my purchase, but I just end up using the receipt as the bookmark.
Time to share a random screenshot from my laptop I don't remember saving.
November 26, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Time to share a random screenshot from my laptop I don't remember saving.
As long as we keep making Jurassic Park movies, dinosaurs are going to keep seeking re-election.
November 26, 2025 at 12:45 AM
As long as we keep making Jurassic Park movies, dinosaurs are going to keep seeking re-election.
“Just deleted an app I’ve been wasting too much time on. Take that, phone,” he announced on another app he’s been wasting too much time on.
November 25, 2025 at 9:49 PM
“Just deleted an app I’ve been wasting too much time on. Take that, phone,” he announced on another app he’s been wasting too much time on.
Not to be ableist, but Chuck Grassley is not "running" for office at 95.
November 25, 2025 at 4:26 AM
Not to be ableist, but Chuck Grassley is not "running" for office at 95.
I don’t think slow walkers are the problem. I think fast walkers gotta slow down.
What’s the rush? I gotta not enjoy life because you’re late to an appointment?
What’s the rush? I gotta not enjoy life because you’re late to an appointment?
November 25, 2025 at 3:49 AM
I don’t think slow walkers are the problem. I think fast walkers gotta slow down.
What’s the rush? I gotta not enjoy life because you’re late to an appointment?
What’s the rush? I gotta not enjoy life because you’re late to an appointment?
Imagine being reincarnated as a food delivery robot named “Wesley.”
November 25, 2025 at 3:18 AM
Imagine being reincarnated as a food delivery robot named “Wesley.”
You ever be walking around and thinking, “I’m walking around a lot, but I’m definitely not doing much.”
November 25, 2025 at 2:57 AM
You ever be walking around and thinking, “I’m walking around a lot, but I’m definitely not doing much.”
Cleaning my kitchen so I don’t get dust in the green bean casserole I’m making for Thanksgiving.
November 25, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Cleaning my kitchen so I don’t get dust in the green bean casserole I’m making for Thanksgiving.
My apartment is a great place for finding 8-month-old receipts for broccoli florets from Ralph's - in case that's on anyone's scavenger hunt list.
November 25, 2025 at 12:59 AM
My apartment is a great place for finding 8-month-old receipts for broccoli florets from Ralph's - in case that's on anyone's scavenger hunt list.
Not really making enough money to survive, but can’t stop buying art supplies for some reason.
November 22, 2025 at 1:41 AM
Not really making enough money to survive, but can’t stop buying art supplies for some reason.
You guys don’t get it. Trump was playing 4-dimensional chess in the Oval Office with Mamdani today.
Sure, he was doing it all on a Parcheesi board, but you just don’t question the methods of a master.
Sure, he was doing it all on a Parcheesi board, but you just don’t question the methods of a master.
November 21, 2025 at 11:38 PM
You guys don’t get it. Trump was playing 4-dimensional chess in the Oval Office with Mamdani today.
Sure, he was doing it all on a Parcheesi board, but you just don’t question the methods of a master.
Sure, he was doing it all on a Parcheesi board, but you just don’t question the methods of a master.
Pretty sure every person I’ve ever been close to that’s passed away has given up on watching over me because witnessing me mismanage my time is probably very frustrating.
November 21, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Pretty sure every person I’ve ever been close to that’s passed away has given up on watching over me because witnessing me mismanage my time is probably very frustrating.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to effectively defog my windshield anymore.
November 21, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to effectively defog my windshield anymore.
It’s called “Find The Funny” because you’re really gonna have to labor to do that at a Jim Breuer show. Maybe it’d be funny to see how many people actually bought tickets. Or maybe that would just make you sad.
@murderxbryan.bsky.social Jim Breuer is bringing his “Find The Funny” tour to Columbus next year. See if you can go and get an interview with him.
deadline.com/2025/11/jim-...
deadline.com/2025/11/jim-...
Comedian Jim Breuer Sets North American Tour For 2026
Comedian Jim Breuer has unveiled tour dates for 2026 exclusively with Deadline.
deadline.com
November 20, 2025 at 5:15 PM
It’s called “Find The Funny” because you’re really gonna have to labor to do that at a Jim Breuer show. Maybe it’d be funny to see how many people actually bought tickets. Or maybe that would just make you sad.
Weird how they talk about sliced bread like it was some great innovation. I’m perfectly capable of slicing my own bread!
November 20, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Weird how they talk about sliced bread like it was some great innovation. I’m perfectly capable of slicing my own bread!
Now with marshmallow shelves!
November 20, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Now with marshmallow shelves!
“Islands in the Stream” might be a top 5 all-time jam.
November 20, 2025 at 2:24 AM
“Islands in the Stream” might be a top 5 all-time jam.
There’s a motherfuckin’ orange blimp flying over the city!
November 18, 2025 at 11:35 PM
There’s a motherfuckin’ orange blimp flying over the city!
He always just sounds like your parents' friend, who you are desperately trying to escape a conversation with, who is always at every family event for some reason.
Trump: "They saw a lot of unbelievable activity at the McDonald's next to the base where they take off. The McDonald's was doing -- right? -- 5 times, they were going crazy. So they say 'there's something going on over there.' The biggest activity that McDonald's had ever had. It was a nice story."
November 18, 2025 at 12:26 AM
He always just sounds like your parents' friend, who you are desperately trying to escape a conversation with, who is always at every family event for some reason.
Democrats are just trying to widen the tent without getting more coverage on top and the result is a low bar to get in, but it won't be tall enough for anyone to stand under.
Raskin: We are a big tent. We must be a huge, vast tent. I say this is a party that’s got room for Marjorie Taylor Greene if she wants to come over.
November 17, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Democrats are just trying to widen the tent without getting more coverage on top and the result is a low bar to get in, but it won't be tall enough for anyone to stand under.
Couldn't tell if I was wearing socks or not for a second there.
November 17, 2025 at 7:21 AM
Couldn't tell if I was wearing socks or not for a second there.
I don't like how you have to dress up to go to a funeral. Everyone should look like a mess.
November 17, 2025 at 6:56 AM
I don't like how you have to dress up to go to a funeral. Everyone should look like a mess.
One of the reasons I don't want to die is, what if someone dies right after me and steals my death thunder?
November 17, 2025 at 4:41 AM
One of the reasons I don't want to die is, what if someone dies right after me and steals my death thunder?
This is truly a headline for the most malevolently idiotic timeline.
A site affiliated with Lee Greenwood sells merchandise with the seal—such as a $20 beer pong set with “Presidential themed balls”—and pays licensing fees to a Trump LLC.
Trump-Licensed Presidential Seal Beer Pong Set Could Violate Federal Law
A site affiliated with Lee Greenwood sells merchandise with the seal—such as a $20 beer pong set with “Presidential themed balls”—and pays licensing fees to a Trump LLC.
www.forbes.com
November 16, 2025 at 7:56 AM
This is truly a headline for the most malevolently idiotic timeline.