Derek Heckman
@derekheckman.bsky.social
Fiction writer/schoolmarm. Shopping around a too-long novel about sad midwestern teens. (he/him)
Pinned
Re-doing my publications list because there's a couple new ones, and because so many places I've been published in have shuttered! You should read the ones that still exist! Some of them are pretty good!
Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you hear Santa’s sleigh coming down Santa Claus lane
December 9, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you hear Santa’s sleigh coming down Santa Claus lane
Nobody sits and has long palaver with their eternally destined enemy anymore
December 8, 2025 at 11:14 PM
Nobody sits and has long palaver with their eternally destined enemy anymore
If we had the Jaunt today, there’d be a whole little industry of people telling you to hold your breath when they give you the gas
December 8, 2025 at 12:58 PM
If we had the Jaunt today, there’d be a whole little industry of people telling you to hold your breath when they give you the gas
New pinned post. Same Derek bullshit
Re-doing my publications list because there's a couple new ones, and because so many places I've been published in have shuttered! You should read the ones that still exist! Some of them are pretty good!
December 7, 2025 at 8:30 PM
New pinned post. Same Derek bullshit
Re-doing my publications list because there's a couple new ones, and because so many places I've been published in have shuttered! You should read the ones that still exist! Some of them are pretty good!
December 7, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Re-doing my publications list because there's a couple new ones, and because so many places I've been published in have shuttered! You should read the ones that still exist! Some of them are pretty good!
My wife referred to something as “some real Howard’s End shit” and I thought she said “some real Howard Zinn shit” and you’d be surprised how long we continued that conversation from two very different vantage points
December 7, 2025 at 7:38 PM
My wife referred to something as “some real Howard’s End shit” and I thought she said “some real Howard Zinn shit” and you’d be surprised how long we continued that conversation from two very different vantage points
Great little multicultural children’s book for the season, but from experience, I must advise against looking it up by just googling “daddy Christmas”
December 5, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Great little multicultural children’s book for the season, but from experience, I must advise against looking it up by just googling “daddy Christmas”
Dreamed last night that I had ingested poison and while I was waiting for it to take effect, I saw someone had a flat tire outside my house and said “oh no I should go help them”—you guys think that means anything or?
November 25, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Dreamed last night that I had ingested poison and while I was waiting for it to take effect, I saw someone had a flat tire outside my house and said “oh no I should go help them”—you guys think that means anything or?
I can tell Joni Mitchell is a great artist because skating away on a nonexistent river wouldn’t crack my like top hundred ways to leave a place where I was unhappy
November 25, 2025 at 10:06 PM
I can tell Joni Mitchell is a great artist because skating away on a nonexistent river wouldn’t crack my like top hundred ways to leave a place where I was unhappy
John Prine rocks because you hear one song and you’re like “well that was the best song ever written” and then you hear another one and you’re like “oh shit”
November 25, 2025 at 9:44 PM
John Prine rocks because you hear one song and you’re like “well that was the best song ever written” and then you hear another one and you’re like “oh shit”
My wife and I have a real “let’s call the whole thing off” thing going on but instead of “tomato” and “tomahto” I say “I didn’t hear you” and she says “you weren’t listening”
November 22, 2025 at 3:55 PM
My wife and I have a real “let’s call the whole thing off” thing going on but instead of “tomato” and “tomahto” I say “I didn’t hear you” and she says “you weren’t listening”
Wicked: For the Beh-heh-heh-ter
November 22, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Wicked: For the Beh-heh-heh-ter
Today a kid was practicing reading and she read the word “cool” and I asked her to tell me what it meant and she pointed at me and said “like you’re cool” 😎😎😎😎😎
November 20, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Today a kid was practicing reading and she read the word “cool” and I asked her to tell me what it meant and she pointed at me and said “like you’re cool” 😎😎😎😎😎
Pope should do a publishing summit next. Give some of these freaks a talking to
November 16, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Pope should do a publishing summit next. Give some of these freaks a talking to
Child: “Mr. Derek, my brother said sorry to me this morning, but he didn’t even do anything!”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
November 13, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Child: “Mr. Derek, my brother said sorry to me this morning, but he didn’t even do anything!”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Friend just showed his girlfriend both Butch Cassidy AND The Verdict and I’m currently waiting to hear which Paul Newman she thought was hotter
November 13, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Friend just showed his girlfriend both Butch Cassidy AND The Verdict and I’m currently waiting to hear which Paul Newman she thought was hotter
I like when the cold makes my hands all chapped and I can pretend that I’ve worked a day in my life
November 12, 2025 at 12:57 PM
I like when the cold makes my hands all chapped and I can pretend that I’ve worked a day in my life
My wife bought this because she says it looks like me
November 11, 2025 at 10:56 PM
My wife bought this because she says it looks like me
Parent-teacher conferences go against everything Goodfellas raised me to believe about the importance of not ratting on your friends
November 10, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Parent-teacher conferences go against everything Goodfellas raised me to believe about the importance of not ratting on your friends
Fuck me up, king
November 7, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Fuck me up, king
Just sighed so big a piece food that was stuck in my teeth dislodged and flew out of my mouth
November 7, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Just sighed so big a piece food that was stuck in my teeth dislodged and flew out of my mouth
Reposted by Derek Heckman
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
Reposted by Derek Heckman
Excellent essay about the movie Weapons (spoilers of course)
October 31, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Excellent essay about the movie Weapons (spoilers of course)
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!