Darla Louise Jenkins
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darlasez.com
Darla Louise Jenkins
@darlasez.com
3 followers 6 following 100 posts
I’m Darla Louise Jenkins—your self-declared “emotional support hairdresser,” With a heart full of drama and a purse full of Fireball minis,

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Dear Darla, I got drunk and challenged my ex’s new girlfriend to an arm wrestling match. I won, but now her mama wants a rematch. Should I train?

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The Bicep-Flexing Ex-Factor: Why You Should Never Wrestle a Mama Bear Sober
Dear Darla, I got drunk and challenged my ex’s new girlfriend to an arm wrestling match. I won, but now her mama wants a rematch. Should I train? Listen to me, sugar: do not hit the gym, hit the…
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February 12, 2026 at 1:40 AM
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Dear Darla, I thought a man was winking at me at the grocery store, but he had something in his eye. I gave him my number. Should I move states?

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Winks, Twitches, and Produce Aisle Predatory Behavior: Why Shame is Just a State of Mind
Dear Darla, I thought a man was winking at me at the grocery store, but he had something in his eye. I gave him my number. Should I move states? Absolutely not, sugar—you just asserted dominance in…
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February 11, 2026 at 12:15 AM
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Dear Darla, I let my friends convince me to try speed dating but I got drunk and pitched myself like a used car salesman. I may have offered warranties. Do I hide?

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Certified Pre-Owned and Ready to Ride: Why Your Drunk Sales Pitch Was Actually Genius
Dear Darla, I let my friends convince me to try speed dating but I got drunk and pitched myself like a used car salesman. I may have offered warranties. Do I hide? Listen to me, you beautiful…
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February 9, 2026 at 11:02 PM
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Dear Darla, I screamed ‘LET’S GOOOO’ so hard during the Super Bowl I scared the dog, spilled my drink, and farted like a foghorn. Is that team spirit or a medical event?

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Touchdowns, Tailgates, and Trousers: Why Your Body Just Pulled a False Start
Dear Darla, I screamed ‘LET’S GOOOO’ so hard during the Super Bowl I scared the dog, spilled my drink, and farted like a foghorn. Is that team spirit or a medical event? Look, if you ain't risking a…
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February 8, 2026 at 9:00 PM
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Dear Darla, I got tipsy at Lowe’s and flirted with a man in the lumber aisle. Turns out he was a cardboard display. Should I get glasses or a therapist?

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Lumber Lust and Laser Eye Surgery: Why the Best Man in Lowe’s Was Flat, Silent, and Made of Recycled Paper
Dear Darla, I got tipsy at Lowe’s and flirted with a man in the lumber aisle. Turns out he was a cardboard display. Should I get glasses or a therapist? Honey, don't you dare fix your eyes or your…
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February 8, 2026 at 2:11 PM
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Dear Darla, I bought a push-up bra so intense it launched my cleavage into my chin. Should I return it or weaponize it?

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When Your Cup Runneth Over and Hits You in the Face: A Guide to Tactical Lingerie
Dear Darla, I bought a push-up bra so intense it launched my cleavage into my chin. Should I return it or weaponize it? In short, honey, you never surrender a weapon that can stop traffic or start a…
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February 7, 2026 at 1:29 PM
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Dear Darla, I put on self-tanner after drinking wine and now I look like a Dorito. My boyfriend won’t stop humming mariachi music. Do I exfoliate or throw him out?

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Orange You Glad You Didn’t Marry Him Yet?
Dear Darla, I put on self-tanner after drinking wine and now I look like a Dorito. My boyfriend won’t stop humming mariachi music. Do I exfoliate or throw him out? Honey, never scrub away your…
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February 7, 2026 at 2:36 AM
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Dear Darla, I tried to send a flirty selfie but forgot my cat was in the background licking itself aggressively. My crush hasn’t replied. Should I follow up?

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Accidental Kitty Porn and the Art of the Double-Down: Why Your Cat Has More Game Than You Do
Dear Darla, I tried to send a flirty selfie but forgot my cat was in the background licking itself aggressively. My crush hasn’t replied. Should I follow up? Look, sugar, if you’re gonna fail, fail…
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February 6, 2026 at 12:50 AM
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Dear Darla, I accidentally joined a conga line at a wedding that ended in a group baptism. I’m not fully sure I consented. Am I saved now?

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Conga Lines, Holy Water, and Other Hazards of an Open Bar
Dear Darla, I accidentally joined a conga line at a wedding that ended in a group baptism. I’m not fully sure I consented. Am I saved now? Look, getting dunked while dancing doesn't make you a saint,…
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February 5, 2026 at 1:40 AM
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Dear Darla, I sent my boyfriend a naughty photo but forgot to crop out my tax returns in the background. Now he knows I lied about my refund. What do I do?

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The IRS Ain’t the Only Thing Screwing You This Year, Honey
Dear Darla, I sent my boyfriend a naughty photo but forgot to crop out my tax returns in the background. Now he knows I lied about my refund. What do I do? The lesson here is that if a man is looking…
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February 4, 2026 at 12:15 AM
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Dear Darla, I fell asleep in the sun with my sunglasses on and now I look like a reverse panda. My boyfriend can’t stop laughing. Should I dump him?

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Raccoon Eyes, Redneck Romeos, and Why You Should Never Trust the Sun After Three Wine Coolers
Dear Darla, I fell asleep in the sun with my sunglasses on and now I look like a reverse panda. My boyfriend can’t stop laughing. Should I dump him? Listen honey, if you can't laugh at yourself, at…
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February 2, 2026 at 11:02 PM
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Dear Darla, it’s Groundhog Day and my life feels like that movie except nobody’s learning lessons just drinking earlier and wearing worse jackets. If I kidnap the groundhog and hide him, will time move forward or do I go to jail?

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February 2, 2026 at 12:01 PM
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Dear Darla, I got caught skinny dipping in a fishing pond and now a local angler claims he “almost caught me.” Do I apologize or demand royalties?
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Hook, Line, and Sinker: Why You Should Never Apologize for Being the Best Catch in the Pond
Dear Darla, I got caught skinny dipping in a fishing pond and now a local angler claims he “almost caught me.” Do I apologize or demand royalties? Here is the bottom line, sugar: never say sorry for…
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February 1, 2026 at 2:11 PM
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Dear Darla, I drunkenly ordered new furniture and accidentally bought a coffin coffee table. My boyfriend loves it too much. Should I worry?
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Honey, If He Likes That Casket Too Much, Check Your Life Insurance Policy
Dear Darla, I drunkenly ordered new furniture and accidentally bought a coffin coffee table. My boyfriend loves it too much. Should I worry? Look, honey, if your man is eyeing that box with anything…
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January 31, 2026 at 1:29 PM
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Dear Darla, I tried to join a pottery class and accidentally made something the instructor called “deeply erotic.” It was supposed to be a vase. Should I sell it or repent?
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Honey, If Your Vase Needs a Censor Bar, You Just Found Your New Side Hustle
Dear Darla, I tried to join a pottery class and accidentally made something the instructor called “deeply erotic.” It was supposed to be a vase. Should I sell it or repent? Look, if you accidentally…
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January 31, 2026 at 2:36 AM
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Dear Darla, I fell asleep in the tanning bed with a wine cooler in my hand. Now I’ve got a perfect outline of Bartles & Jaymes on my thigh. Do I laugh it off or start charging admission?
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Tan Lines, Cheap Wines, and Why That Bartles & Jaymes Stain is High Art
Dear Darla, I fell asleep in the tanning bed with a wine cooler in my hand. Now I’ve got a perfect outline of Bartles & Jaymes on my thigh. Do I laugh it off or start charging admission? Look, honey,…
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January 30, 2026 at 12:50 AM
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Dear Darla, A man at the bar told me his name was “Ranger.” Turns out it’s because he works at the state park and not for sexy reasons. Should I still date him?
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Why Dating a Man in Uniform is Worth the Tick Checks (and Safer Than My Ex Bufurd)
Dear Darla, A man at the bar told me his name was “Ranger.” Turns out it’s because he works at the state park and not for sexy reasons. Should I still date him? Look, honey, a man with a steady…
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January 29, 2026 at 1:40 AM
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Dear Darla, I volunteered to sing at a wedding but got hammered on Bartles & Jaymes beforehand. I ended up slow dancing with the groom’s grandma while belting out “Baby Got Back.” Do I apologize or send flowers?
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Sir Mix-A-Lot Meets Meemaw: Why Your Wedding Apology Should Be A Framed Photo And A Bottle Of Boone’s Farm
Dear Darla, I volunteered to sing at a wedding but got hammered on Bartles & Jaymes beforehand. I ended up slow dancing with the groom’s grandma while belting out “Baby Got Back.” Do I apologize or…
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January 28, 2026 at 12:15 AM
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Dear Darla, I let a cowboy buy me a drink and now I'm accidentally entered in a two-step competition. I don’t know how to dance. Do I flee or yee-haw?
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Save a Horse, Ride the Humiliation: How to Fake a Two-Step When You’ve Had Too Many Tequilas
Dear Darla, I let a cowboy buy me a drink and now I'm accidentally entered in a two-step competition. I don’t know how to dance. Do I flee or yee-haw? Listen to me, sugar: never run from a man in…
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January 26, 2026 at 11:02 PM
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Dear Darla, My boss invited me to a “casual mixer” and I showed up in full drag queen makeup. Everyone else wore khakis. Do I resign or double down?
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Honey, You Didn't Overdress—You Just Outshined the Beige Brigade
Dear Darla, My boss invited me to a “casual mixer” and I showed up in full drag queen makeup. Everyone else wore khakis. Do I resign or double down? Look, sugar, the only thing worse than standing…
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January 25, 2026 at 2:11 PM
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Dear Darla, I went speed dating but misunderstood and wore full NASCAR fan gear. Now three men think my name is Pit Stop Patty. Should I correct them?
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Start Your Engines, Honey: Why Being 'Pit Stop Patty' Is the Best Thing to Happen to Your Love Life Since Dale Earnhardt Jr. Got a Haircut
Dear Darla, I went speed dating but misunderstood and wore full NASCAR fan gear. Now three men think my name is Pit Stop Patty. Should I correct them? Listen to me closely, sugar: you bury your real…
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January 24, 2026 at 1:29 PM
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Dear Darla, I tried to make sexy eye contact with a guy at a bar but discovered he was staring at the nachos behind me. Should I flirt anyway or order extra cheese?
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Honey, He Wants the Queso, Not the Kisses: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Bites
Dear Darla, I tried to make sexy eye contact with a guy at a bar but discovered he was staring at the nachos behind me. Should I flirt anyway or order extra cheese? The verdict is in, and the cheese…
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January 24, 2026 at 2:36 AM
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"Dear Darla, I tried to seduce my neighbor by washing my car in a bikini, but I accidentally used industrial-strength degreaser. Now my paint and eyebrows are gone. Do I cry or claim it was avant-garde?
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The Bald and the Beautiful: Seducing Your Neighbor With Chemical Burns and No Eyebrows
Dear Darla, I tried to seduce my neighbor by washing my car in a bikini, but I accidentally used industrial-strength degreaser. Now my paint and eyebrows are gone. Do I cry or claim it was…
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January 23, 2026 at 12:50 AM
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"Dear Darla, I hooked up in a hayloft and now I’m itchy everywhere. Is it the straw, the guy, or the moonshine? What doctor handles this?
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Haylofts, Hives, and Heartbreak: Why You Shouldn’t Mix Moonshine with Livestock Bedding
Dear Darla, I hooked up in a hayloft and now I’m itchy everywhere. Is it the straw, the guy, or the moonshine? What doctor handles this? Look, honey, the only thing a hayloft is good for is storing…
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January 22, 2026 at 1:40 AM
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"Dear Darla, My sexy Polaroid slipped out of my boyfriend’s Bible at church. Now I’m the “temptation harlot.” Should I deny or embrace the branding?
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Holy Rollers and High Heels: Why Being the Church Harlot is the Best Thing to Happen to Your Social Life
Dear Darla, My sexy Polaroid slipped out of my boyfriend’s Bible at church. Now I’m the “temptation harlot.” Should I deny or embrace the branding? Look, honey, if the congregation is talking, you…
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January 21, 2026 at 12:15 AM