Dale Tudge? Humor!
@daletudgehumor.bsky.social
Humourist and storyteller, but not necessarily both at the same time, or either at any time. Retired ghostwriter.
I've lent my pen to the likes of Steve Martin, National Lampoon, Ripley's Believe It or Not!
https://daletudge.substack.com/
I've lent my pen to the likes of Steve Martin, National Lampoon, Ripley's Believe It or Not!
https://daletudge.substack.com/
Pinned
In death, he’s "Stretched," now—
rubbery, resilient man;
once-strong arms gone slack.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #StretchArmstrong
rubbery, resilient man;
once-strong arms gone slack.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #StretchArmstrong
December 9, 2025 at 9:15 PM
In death, he’s "Stretched," now—
rubbery, resilient man;
once-strong arms gone slack.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #StretchArmstrong
rubbery, resilient man;
once-strong arms gone slack.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #StretchArmstrong
Hold your #breath and dive;
this works for brief periods—
what with the no gills.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
this works for brief periods—
what with the no gills.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
December 9, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Hold your #breath and dive;
this works for brief periods—
what with the no gills.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
this works for brief periods—
what with the no gills.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
If it's ANY #consolation, it's likely the prize—the one that knew you wanted to win something else. Or the round, allowing you to continue your losing streak against inferior opponents for pride, or some obligation you must fulfil if you want to take home a trophy the size of an egg timer.
#vss365
#vss365
December 9, 2025 at 7:21 PM
If it's ANY #consolation, it's likely the prize—the one that knew you wanted to win something else. Or the round, allowing you to continue your losing streak against inferior opponents for pride, or some obligation you must fulfil if you want to take home a trophy the size of an egg timer.
#vss365
#vss365
Adjusts glasses, clears 1.89 metres in the high jump—kidding, I'm a paper lion. But Capua? That was Mater Matuta's temple. Aurora is what the Romans called her later—the Shirley Temple of goddesses. The deity who was and wasn't and isn't the deity.
No, "boop-oop-a-doop" is the other one.
#writing
No, "boop-oop-a-doop" is the other one.
#writing
December 9, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Adjusts glasses, clears 1.89 metres in the high jump—kidding, I'm a paper lion. But Capua? That was Mater Matuta's temple. Aurora is what the Romans called her later—the Shirley Temple of goddesses. The deity who was and wasn't and isn't the deity.
No, "boop-oop-a-doop" is the other one.
#writing
No, "boop-oop-a-doop" is the other one.
#writing
At the Fondo Patturelli the family dug by night, selling what was never theirs. #Aurora, had you cared to intervene, you might have closed the earth upon their spades. You did not. Perhaps immortals take a longer view of theft. The votives sit in the Museo Campano now. The thieves are dust.
#whistpr
#whistpr
December 9, 2025 at 1:14 AM
One can certainly contrive a simple #story from the words #rift and #lag, though I confess reluctance to combine #prompts— one risks schisms in the #writing and #poetry communities. But as I find myself lagging behind owing to a deadline—that familiar tyrant—I make no claims to vigour.
#blueskyrelay
#blueskyrelay
December 9, 2025 at 12:55 AM
A #Soliloquy on Soliloquies, Delivered by a Soliloquist, Alone, to No One in Particular
"I soliloquise upon soliloquies, soliloquising soliloquaciously until the word itself dissolves into meaningless syllables. Sol-il-o-quy. See? Now I've broken it. This is why soliloquists drink."
#vss365 #poem
"I soliloquise upon soliloquies, soliloquising soliloquaciously until the word itself dissolves into meaningless syllables. Sol-il-o-quy. See? Now I've broken it. This is why soliloquists drink."
#vss365 #poem
December 8, 2025 at 4:54 PM
A #Soliloquy on Soliloquies, Delivered by a Soliloquist, Alone, to No One in Particular
"I soliloquise upon soliloquies, soliloquising soliloquaciously until the word itself dissolves into meaningless syllables. Sol-il-o-quy. See? Now I've broken it. This is why soliloquists drink."
#vss365 #poem
"I soliloquise upon soliloquies, soliloquising soliloquaciously until the word itself dissolves into meaningless syllables. Sol-il-o-quy. See? Now I've broken it. This is why soliloquists drink."
#vss365 #poem
Magnetic, sexy north—
my compass never mentioned
just how attractive.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
my compass never mentioned
just how attractive.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
December 8, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Magnetic, sexy north—
my compass never mentioned
just how attractive.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
my compass never mentioned
just how attractive.
#HaikuFeels #north #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
The glass filled—enough;
though when they asked to "say when,"
I hadn't said "when."
#HaikuFeels #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
though when they asked to "say when,"
I hadn't said "when."
#HaikuFeels #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
December 8, 2025 at 4:36 PM
The glass filled—enough;
though when they asked to "say when,"
I hadn't said "when."
#HaikuFeels #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
though when they asked to "say when,"
I hadn't said "when."
#HaikuFeels #enough #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
quiz whiz, smarty pants;
#writes answers without effort,
then edits the tests.
#HaikuFeels #quiz #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
#writes answers without effort,
then edits the tests.
#HaikuFeels #quiz #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
December 8, 2025 at 4:30 PM
quiz whiz, smarty pants;
#writes answers without effort,
then edits the tests.
#HaikuFeels #quiz #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
#writes answers without effort,
then edits the tests.
#HaikuFeels #quiz #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
"I refill my wineskin from a stream of consciousness. Not wine—for the wine-stream left me bereft of conscious thought, pooling in unconsciousness, dreaming of streams, until I surface gasping for something to fill me. The stream flows. The skin fills. The wine isn't wine."
#vss365 #soliloquy
#vss365 #soliloquy
December 8, 2025 at 1:02 PM
"I refill my wineskin from a stream of consciousness. Not wine—for the wine-stream left me bereft of conscious thought, pooling in unconsciousness, dreaming of streams, until I surface gasping for something to fill me. The stream flows. The skin fills. The wine isn't wine."
#vss365 #soliloquy
#vss365 #soliloquy
I was #writing with passion, learning my craft, getting paid. The art was lost—on paper, literally—but I learned how I wrote, how I would learn to write, how I thought I should write like others, how writing like myself paid less than helping someone else write what they'd insist they wrote.
#vss
#vss
December 7, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Tit-Bits asked me for 1,000 words of curious anecdote. Seven shillings. They rejected it for "requiring too much of the reader." So I wrote another 1,000 words on "Reflections Upon Being Paid in Full for Material Deemed Unsuitable, and When Does a Shilling Cease to Be a Shilling."
#writing #humour
#writing #humour
December 7, 2025 at 2:14 AM
In any event—say, a Martian invasion—Wells convinced readers that interplanetary war machines were more credible than underwater vessels. The submarine has since been invented. I submit that Vingt Mille Lieues sous les mers ought now to be shelved under Naval History—perhaps Documentaries.
#scifi
#scifi
Of course, it was always wiser to defer to Mr. Shaw—the knight who refused the sword, presumably because it would have meant ordering new stationery—unless you wished to be Aunt Sally'ed, become the next cock-shy for his inexhaustible, pitiless Shavian barbs.
#writing #gbs #hgwells
#writing #gbs #hgwells
Most guests at Essex Hall would have been mortified, but this was merely pugnacious wit between friends. I had positioned myself near the retiring room door—a useful exit when Shaw found his rhythm. Still, his point about worlds worth warring over, I concede, had genuine Shavian merit.
#writing
#writing
December 7, 2025 at 1:18 AM
In any event—say, a Martian invasion—Wells convinced readers that interplanetary war machines were more credible than underwater vessels. The submarine has since been invented. I submit that Vingt Mille Lieues sous les mers ought now to be shelved under Naval History—perhaps Documentaries.
#scifi
#scifi
Of course, it was always wiser to defer to Mr. Shaw—the knight who refused the sword, presumably because it would have meant ordering new stationery—unless you wished to be Aunt Sally'ed, become the next cock-shy for his inexhaustible, pitiless Shavian barbs.
#writing #gbs #hgwells
#writing #gbs #hgwells
Most guests at Essex Hall would have been mortified, but this was merely pugnacious wit between friends. I had positioned myself near the retiring room door—a useful exit when Shaw found his rhythm. Still, his point about worlds worth warring over, I concede, had genuine Shavian merit.
#writing
#writing
December 7, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Most guests at Essex Hall would have been mortified, but this was merely pugnacious wit between friends. I had positioned myself near the retiring room door—a useful exit when Shaw found his rhythm. Still, his point about worlds worth warring over, I concede, had genuine Shavian merit.
#writing
#writing
December 7, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Most guests at Essex Hall would have been mortified, but this was merely pugnacious wit between friends. I had positioned myself near the retiring room door—a useful exit when Shaw found his rhythm. Still, his point about worlds worth warring over, I concede, had genuine Shavian merit.
#writing
#writing
And, of course, Shaw warmed to act two.
"Your interplanetary penny dreadful presupposes at least two worlds worth warring over. I grant you Earth—grudgingly, given its management—but Mars remains speculation. You have written a conflict between the probable and the merely hopeful."
#scifi #wotw
"Your interplanetary penny dreadful presupposes at least two worlds worth warring over. I grant you Earth—grudgingly, given its management—but Mars remains speculation. You have written a conflict between the probable and the merely hopeful."
#scifi #wotw
GBS was decidedly less impressed.
"War of the Worlds? My dear H.G., one might as well title a novel 'The Naval Engagement Between England and Atlantis.' At least Atlantis had the courtesy to exist before it declined to. Your Martians have not even managed that much."
#scifi #reading #writing #WOTW
"War of the Worlds? My dear H.G., one might as well title a novel 'The Naval Engagement Between England and Atlantis.' At least Atlantis had the courtesy to exist before it declined to. Your Martians have not even managed that much."
#scifi #reading #writing #WOTW
I recall young Wells describing the Martian war machines from his scientific romance with considerable enthusiasm. He had, I noted, never actually met a Martian—a deficiency I was not then in a position to correct, though subsequent events would prove me equally fortunate in this regard.
#scifi
#scifi
December 7, 2025 at 12:13 AM
GBS was decidedly less impressed.
"War of the Worlds? My dear H.G., one might as well title a novel 'The Naval Engagement Between England and Atlantis.' At least Atlantis had the courtesy to exist before it declined to. Your Martians have not even managed that much."
#scifi #reading #writing #WOTW
"War of the Worlds? My dear H.G., one might as well title a novel 'The Naval Engagement Between England and Atlantis.' At least Atlantis had the courtesy to exist before it declined to. Your Martians have not even managed that much."
#scifi #reading #writing #WOTW
I recall young Wells describing the Martian war machines from his scientific romance with considerable enthusiasm. He had, I noted, never actually met a Martian—a deficiency I was not then in a position to correct, though subsequent events would prove me equally fortunate in this regard.
#scifi
#scifi
December 6, 2025 at 11:59 PM
I recall young Wells describing the Martian war machines from his scientific romance with considerable enthusiasm. He had, I noted, never actually met a Martian—a deficiency I was not then in a position to correct, though subsequent events would prove me equally fortunate in this regard.
#scifi
#scifi
December 6, 2025 at 11:45 PM
I recall young Wells describing the Martian war machines from his scientific romance with considerable enthusiasm. He had, I noted, never actually met a Martian—a deficiency I was not then in a position to correct, though subsequent events would prove me equally fortunate in this regard.
#scifi
#scifi
The fellow selling the hair restorative said to rub the tonic #vigorously on the areas requiring the most urgent attention. I was pleased when hair sprouted on my scalp, and rather alarmed when the Honourable Member grew nearly as impressive a beard as my chin.
#emoetry #vss #writing #story
#emoetry #vss #writing #story
December 6, 2025 at 11:15 PM
The fellow selling the hair restorative said to rub the tonic #vigorously on the areas requiring the most urgent attention. I was pleased when hair sprouted on my scalp, and rather alarmed when the Honourable Member grew nearly as impressive a beard as my chin.
#emoetry #vss #writing #story
#emoetry #vss #writing #story
In the workshop’s blackened stillness,
where the shadows gathered
like listeners at a funeral,
even the sawdust held its breath.
This #auger doesn’t #augur well;
each shudder feels like a prophecy
resisting translation,
and the omens agree:
it’s nigh time to replace
that damned auger.
#vss365
where the shadows gathered
like listeners at a funeral,
even the sawdust held its breath.
This #auger doesn’t #augur well;
each shudder feels like a prophecy
resisting translation,
and the omens agree:
it’s nigh time to replace
that damned auger.
#vss365
December 6, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Sixteen feet #under—
ten more feet seem a trifle
when someone digs you.
#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
ten more feet seem a trifle
when someone digs you.
#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
December 6, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Sixteen feet #under—
ten more feet seem a trifle
when someone digs you.
#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
ten more feet seem a trifle
when someone digs you.
#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem
Who is the #impish one now? What folly. There is an imp within us all. No, not physically. But were it not for the imps, the goblins would persist. And what of the troll, the hag, the draugr, the mosekonen? Let them #write their own bloody #poems, I say. I have curses enough.
#poemsabout
#poemsabout
December 6, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Who is the #impish one now? What folly. There is an imp within us all. No, not physically. But were it not for the imps, the goblins would persist. And what of the troll, the hag, the draugr, the mosekonen? Let them #write their own bloody #poems, I say. I have curses enough.
#poemsabout
#poemsabout
Between the spaces where our fingers hunt for loose change, there is a space that is not a space. It occupies an #interval of time that refuses measurement, a moment defined entirely by its commitment to remaining undefined, insisting upon its own utter absence.
#blueskyrelay #writing #vss
#blueskyrelay #writing #vss
December 6, 2025 at 12:40 AM
Between the spaces where our fingers hunt for loose change, there is a space that is not a space. It occupies an #interval of time that refuses measurement, a moment defined entirely by its commitment to remaining undefined, insisting upon its own utter absence.
#blueskyrelay #writing #vss
#blueskyrelay #writing #vss
Within the vat house,
I mulled over a cider;
then mulled over more.
#HaikuFeels #mull #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #religion #emoetry #inkmine #whistpr
I mulled over a cider;
then mulled over more.
#HaikuFeels #mull #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #religion #emoetry #inkmine #whistpr
December 5, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Within the vat house,
I mulled over a cider;
then mulled over more.
#HaikuFeels #mull #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #religion #emoetry #inkmine #whistpr
I mulled over a cider;
then mulled over more.
#HaikuFeels #mull #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #writing #poem #religion #emoetry #inkmine #whistpr