Dad Jokes
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Dad Jokes
@dadsaysjokes.com
· Aug 20
Shout out to everyone who can remember every word to some random 80s song but can't remember the password they created yesterday
Your veterinarian won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard
It's the best thing for a hot dog
It's the best thing for a hot dog
November 29, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Your veterinarian won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard
It's the best thing for a hot dog
It's the best thing for a hot dog
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.
That makes me sick.
That makes me sick.
November 29, 2025 at 4:14 PM
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission.
That makes me sick.
That makes me sick.
Friend: I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married did you?
I replied, "I'm not sure what was her maiden name?
I replied, "I'm not sure what was her maiden name?
November 29, 2025 at 12:15 AM
Friend: I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married did you?
I replied, "I'm not sure what was her maiden name?
I replied, "I'm not sure what was her maiden name?
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony.
However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0
However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0
November 28, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony.
However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0
However, eating too much pie is ok because the Sin of Pi is 0
A turkey is about to cross the road.
When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
November 28, 2025 at 6:13 PM
A turkey is about to cross the road.
When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
A genie granted me one wish - so I wished to be happy.
Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
November 27, 2025 at 10:55 PM
A genie granted me one wish - so I wished to be happy.
Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
My niece calls me Ankle.
I call her my Knees.
I call her my Knees.
November 27, 2025 at 10:04 PM
My niece calls me Ankle.
I call her my Knees.
I call her my Knees.
My family wants me to promise a pun free Thanksgiving.
I can’t do that. I can’t quit cold Turkey.
I can’t do that. I can’t quit cold Turkey.
November 27, 2025 at 1:27 PM
My family wants me to promise a pun free Thanksgiving.
I can’t do that. I can’t quit cold Turkey.
I can’t do that. I can’t quit cold Turkey.
Just found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp.
Guess there's no reason to try pot roast.
Guess there's no reason to try pot roast.
November 26, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Just found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp.
Guess there's no reason to try pot roast.
Guess there's no reason to try pot roast.
What was Icarus's favourite food?
Hot wings.
Hot wings.
November 26, 2025 at 9:06 PM
What was Icarus's favourite food?
Hot wings.
Hot wings.
I'm doing crunches twice a day
Cap'n in the morning and Nestle at night
Cap'n in the morning and Nestle at night
November 26, 2025 at 7:48 PM
I'm doing crunches twice a day
Cap'n in the morning and Nestle at night
Cap'n in the morning and Nestle at night
For the past three weeks, I've been jogging a mile a day.
Now I don't know where I am.
Now I don't know where I am.
November 26, 2025 at 7:47 PM
For the past three weeks, I've been jogging a mile a day.
Now I don't know where I am.
Now I don't know where I am.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive?
You should try swimming with sharks...cost me an arm and a leg!
You should try swimming with sharks...cost me an arm and a leg!
November 25, 2025 at 5:06 PM
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive?
You should try swimming with sharks...cost me an arm and a leg!
You should try swimming with sharks...cost me an arm and a leg!
When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos.
She just wanted a shoulder to crayon.
She just wanted a shoulder to crayon.
November 25, 2025 at 5:05 PM
When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos.
She just wanted a shoulder to crayon.
She just wanted a shoulder to crayon.
I've never seen the movie Frozen, so I asked my 4 year old daughter to summarize it for me.
She looked at me funny and said, well if I SUMMERIZE it, then it would be called MELTED!!
She looked at me funny and said, well if I SUMMERIZE it, then it would be called MELTED!!
November 24, 2025 at 9:25 PM
I've never seen the movie Frozen, so I asked my 4 year old daughter to summarize it for me.
She looked at me funny and said, well if I SUMMERIZE it, then it would be called MELTED!!
She looked at me funny and said, well if I SUMMERIZE it, then it would be called MELTED!!
If liars' pants really did catch on fire.
Watching the news would be a lot more fun.
Watching the news would be a lot more fun.
November 24, 2025 at 9:12 PM
If liars' pants really did catch on fire.
Watching the news would be a lot more fun.
Watching the news would be a lot more fun.
So I was in a shoe shop this morning trying on a shoe, I said to the assistant "It's too tight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
November 24, 2025 at 6:24 PM
So I was in a shoe shop this morning trying on a shoe, I said to the assistant "It's too tight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
She said, "Try it with the tongue out".
I said, "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15lbs at 2am Wednesday night for Thanksgiving!
November 23, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15lbs at 2am Wednesday night for Thanksgiving!
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts.
It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."
It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."
November 23, 2025 at 2:57 PM
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts.
It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."
It's called: "Leave me the fuh cologne."
My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm.
It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.
It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.
November 23, 2025 at 2:53 PM
My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm.
It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.
It would be a lot less weird if she'd just let me in.
Thanksgiving Tip: Never eat food offered by an adorable toddler relative.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
November 23, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Thanksgiving Tip: Never eat food offered by an adorable toddler relative.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
Thanksgiving Tip: Never eat food offered by an adorable toddler relative.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
November 23, 2025 at 12:08 AM
Thanksgiving Tip: Never eat food offered by an adorable toddler relative.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
It might look like a cookie, but it's actually the flu.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
November 22, 2025 at 11:28 AM
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude to me.
She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back
She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back
November 22, 2025 at 9:46 AM
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my wife has been so rude to me.
She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back
She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back