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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy
@crimefish.bsky.social
220 followers 160 following 1.5K posts
hospice patient choosing to die at home & choosing to talk about it. crafts, birbs & terminal cancer. it/they/fae unsolicited advice muted, unsolicited medical advice blocked. posts by my brother James will be tagged -J
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · Sep 9
meanwhile i've been collecting postcards/art cards/photos/notes from friends to keep in a photo album.

it's something my family can keep to remind them how loved i was. am. still am.

so if you're interested in sending me something to put in it, dm me for my mailing address! no pressure 💚
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 1d
As we sort things out at home I'll be checking in periodically to post some things Guppy wanted shared, and make sure a selection of their finer wares make it to good homes.

If you need/want to get in touch with me for any reason at all, you can email me at james [at] jsrn [dot] net

-J
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 1d
Thank you all for being so lovely. It means the world.

-J
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 1d
[death] Guppy passed away last night at around 11PM. They spent the day with family at their side, and the last thing we did before they drifted off to sleep was settle in for a big group hug and tell each other how much we love each other.

They were so, so loved.

-J
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 3d
more to sa ybut

feel safer now
familyhere
want sedto wearoff so can discuss w nurse in morning

just gonna drift in n out with fam for now 💚
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 3d
nice. i'm now permanently cathaterised so the pee comes directly frrom my bladder as it fills. tell how hydratated iam because what colour it is (light brown but i'm drinking diorolite, taste shit)
same with my stomach because ng tub.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
brother & wife comnh hometoday, all family gonna be here with me
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
nurse gonna caatheterise & midazolam veryconfuse & sleepy
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
nursr comin hope she doesn't say i'm just sleepy becsud it's night time
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
yes they're great
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
helpiong yes. feel less isolated. still dying but not aalone
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
i just feel like i'm going to die
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 4d
my symptoms are really terrible atm. something blocking my urine earlier yesterdaay, so had to pee catheterised. they said it was probably just sedation from previous night's meds. had to call night nurse just now to assess extreme light headedness, which is getting worse, not better.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 5d
and since i'd had the driver paused all night, i hadn't had my meds, & felt terrible. so she gave me all the stat doses she could (namely morphine) & i drifted off for a nap.

i've been napping today & i do feel better.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 5d
yeah! & this nurse was the other palliative specialist nurse or whatever (i cannot with their job tities) who'd come for a meeting by amazing coincidence, so i managed to tell her what was up.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 5d
ok so the nurse came to replace the syringe, said the battery's almost dead & sometimes this happens. the cyclyzine is crystalising. basicallly harmless, but she wanted to replace the line with a fresh one anyway.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
thank you! i felt gaslit all night.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
they came, said they can't see anything in the line, restarted it, & gave me stat doses for the meds i missed while i had the drivers paused.

ok but... you really can't see it? it doesn't look clear to me, it looks glittery or something.

well i'm falling asleep regardless.
A clear plastic tube with white-ish specks floating in it, on a black background. A clear plastic medical device, with a clear plastic, tube with white glittery specks floating in it.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
ugh. the longer the driver is paused, the longer i'm going without my meds. this is gonna be a shit night.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
we all have to die someday, so it might as well be today! like literally today. right now. all of us. human extinction. why not.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
these people really wanted me to keep restarting this thing, giving me an alarm every hour with sparkles in there? get to my house so we can actually fix this & i can go to sleep.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
mum: my daughter's driver is beeping & the tube is cloudy.

hub: does it say occlusion?

mum: yes.

hub: i can tell you how to restart it?

mum: she's been restarting it all night. she stopped when she noticed the line was actually full of particulates.

hub: ...we'll send someone.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
sat here trying really hard to come up with... some kind of... anything. but it's just shit. it's all just shit, cos *sighs*
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
it's delaying the inevitable if you are a poor & the service is free.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
the number of times i've thought 'but we have the technology!' only to remind myself i've already had the conversation with them, & they said something like iv fluids would only delay the inevitable, which i said is something we all do by breathing, round & round. palliative just isn't here for that
crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
you know, if i were rich, & could privately put myself together a ragtag medical & nursing crew willing to keep the obstruction from killing me, until some other complication could instead?

tpn is how i'd do it too. worked a treat while i was nil by mouth after my rupture & resection.

alas.
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crimefish.bsky.social
guppy @crimefish.bsky.social · 6d
you know, if i were rich, & could privately put myself together a ragtag medical & nursing crew willing to keep the obstruction from killing me, until some other complication could instead?

tpn is how i'd do it too. worked a treat while i was nil by mouth after my rupture & resection.

alas.
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