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Crabgrass

@crabgrasd.bsky.social

1.6K followers 75 following 300 posts

Tauhid Bondia, Creator of the syndicated comic strip Crabgrass Patreon.com/7auhid Crabgrass.fun

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Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 1d

(21/46) Candy Cain

Carla: We STILL don’t have a way out of this cell you guys!
Baxter: I may have that covered.

Baxter: (holding open a magical golden bag) One good thing about knowing a goblin is you get access to a lot of cool magical items.

(Kevin examines the bag arms crossed)

Kevin: (grabbing the edge of the bag) ALL RIGHT! Everybody in the magic bag.
Baxter: (annoyed) It’s not that kind of magic bag!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 2d

(20/46) Candy Cain

Miles: This is our chance, guys. We have to find a way to escape while he’s gone.
Carla: (gesturing around them) To where? A labyrinth of sewer tunnels?

Benji: Actually, Kimmy and me use to LIVE down here in the summer. We know this place inside out.
Kevin: (impressed) Really? That’s awesome!

Kevin: (thoughtful) Now, when you say you LIVED down here…
Benji: (interrupting) We played in the tunnels a lot.
Kevin: Oh, right. Okay.

Miles: (unsurprised) Did you think Kimmy and Benji were Mole People?
Kevin: Maybe.
Kimmy: (confused) You’ve been to my HOUSE!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 3d

(19/46) Candy Cain

Kevin: (From behind bars in a Candy Cain’s underground dungeon) Hey, you wacko! You can’t keep us in here! Do you hear me?

Candy Cain: Silence! You will stay put until I return.

Candy Cain: (leaving the dungeon) I have more work to do!

Kimmy: (looking a little surprised talking to Carla, Miles, and Krystal) Is anyone else surprised he could talk?

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 5d

(18/46) Candy Cain

(Kevin, Krystal and Benji running up to Carla)
Kevin: Carla, we have a problem. Where’s Miles?

Carla: (arms crossed) God question! I think he’s hiding from me or something as a prank. He can be such a child sometimes.

Kevin: Oh, no! When’s the last time you saw him?
Carla: About fifteen minutes ago. Why?

Kevin: (holding his head) I think Candy Cain might have got him!
Carla: (annoyed) Greeeaat. You guys are in on it too.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 6d

(17/46) Candy Cain

Kevin: I KNEW it! I KNEW this would happen! I TOLD you guys!
Kevin: Candy Cain is stealing kids now!

Krystal: But HOW? We were all standing RIGHT HERE, Kevin!
Kevin: How do I know?
Krystal: YOU’RE the Candy Cain expert!

(Benji grabs Kevin and Krystal from off panel)
Benji: OKAY!

(Benji running with Kevin and Krystal tucked under each arm)
Benji: LESS YAPPING. MORE FINDING OUR FRIENDS!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 8d

(16/46) Candy Cain

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 9d

(15/46) Candy Cain

(Lewis Cain looking sad and dejected)
Kevin Narr: But the day AFTER Halloween he went back to being a loser with no friends.

Kevin: So the next year he made an even SCARIER costume. And the next year. And the NEXT year.

Kevin: This went on until NINE years ago…

(Cut to flashback of Lewis holing up a solid red mask that looks like Candy Cain’s face)
KN:… when Lewis made the MASK.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 10d

(14/46) Candy Cain

(Cut to a kind o f dorky but pleasant looking kid walking through the halls at school)
Kevin Narr: The legend is Candy Cain used to be a normal kid named Lewis Cain.

(Lewis looking sad and dejected as children point an laugh at him)
KN: Unfortunately he was also kind of an outcast with no friends.

(Lewis dressed as a Vampire for Halloween standing proudly as children cheer for him in the background)
KN: Except for on Halloween. See, Lewis always made the scariest costume. Everyone loved them.

(Cut to Kevin talking excitedly to Krystal)
Kevin: For one day, he didn’t have to be Loser Lewis.
Krystal: (annoyed and a little bored) Do you think I don’t know this story?

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 11d

(13/46) Candy Cain

(Benji and Kimmy running up to Krystal and Kevin out of breath)
Benji: Hey! Have you guys seen Baxter?
Krystal: I thought he was with you?

Kimmy: He was but he just disappeared!
Krystal: I’m sure he’s somewhere in the neighborhood-
Kevin: UNLESS!

Kevin: What if CANDY CAIN got him!?

Krystal: I thought he only stole candy…
Kevin: Maybe he’s graduated from Treats to Tricks!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 12d

(12/46) Candy Cain

(Kevin and Krystal walking down the sidewalk)
Kevin: All right. You know the drill?
Krystal: (annoyed) Of COURSE I do.

Kevin: (thoughtful) Good. I’m thinking Rock-A-Bye Baby for this one.
Krystal: Aren’t we a little old for that?

Kevin: Do you want candy or not?
Krystal: Fine: Just don’t step on my lines.

(Cut to Krystal crying loudly holding her candy bag with a hole in it while Kevin holds his bag out to a lady dressed as a witch who is dumping candy into it)
Witch: A HOLE in your bag?! Oh, you port baby! Here, take EVERYTHING!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 13d

(11/46) Candy Cain

Benji: (excited looking in his candy bag) Kimmy! We got full-sized candy bars!
Kimmy: (also excited) And GUM POPS!

Kimmy: I didn’t even know we had rich people in our neighborhood!

Kimmy: (looking around) Hey, Baxter what kind of loot did you-?

(Kimmy and Benji stopping suddenly concerned)
Kimmy:… Baxter?

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 15d

(10/46) Candy Cain

(Kimmy, Benji and Baxter walking down the sidewalk. Kimmy is munching a candy bar)
Kimmy: (to Baxter) You know what? I’m just gonna say it.

Kimmy: You’re a goblin who spends all your time disguised as a human, right?
Baxter: Correct.

Kimmy: So why not just go as YOURSELF for Halloween?

Benji: (throwing hands up) THANK YOU!
Baxter: (annoyed) My culture is NOT a costume!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 16d

(9/46) Candy Cain

Kevin: If we’re gonna split up, we have to at least do the buddy system.

Miles: (suddenly blurting) I CALL CARLA!

(Kevin looks nonplussed at Miles who is nervously forcing a grin)

Kevin: Ooookaaaay.
Miles: (gesturing desperately at Carla who looks unbothered ) Because of her COSTUME! I like ASTRONAUTS!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 17d

(8/46) Candy Cain

Benji: Guys, we only have an hour before curfew. Shouldn’t we start moving?

Carla: Benji is right. I think we should split up. When we show up in a big group like this, we each get less candy.
Kevin: SPLIT UP!?

Kevin: (Agog) Didn’t you even HEAR anything I said about CANDY CAIN?! Do you WANT to get picked off one by one?!

Kevin: How many horror movies have you even watched?!
Carla: (annoyed) I want to as YOU the same thing.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 18d

(7/46) Candy Cain

Carla: I hate to say it, Kevin, but I think all you saw was a guy in a scary costume.

Carla: On HALLOWEEN of all nights!
Kevin: HA! I know for a fact you DON’T hate to say it!

Kevin: Just don’t expect to get any of MY candy when a masked maniac steals yours.
Kimmy: Guys, do we really have to be bickering over this?

Kevin: (matter-of-factly) There’s always time for bickering.
Baxter: (bored) Come out with us for Halloween, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 20d

(4,5/46) Candy Cain

(4/46)
Kevin’s Narr: (A normal Halloween street scene with lots of kids trick-treating) It was Halloween night three years ago.

(We see six year old Kevin and Krystal skipping down the sidewalk dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy)
KN: Mom let us Trick-or-Treat on our own because it was the 80’s and parents still hand’s figured things out out yet.

(Young Kevin and Krystal stop in their their tracks and look around)
KN: We were making our way up Par lane when we heard the most blood curdling scream.

(Current day Kevin excitedly regaling a somewhat bored looking Miles)
Kevin: Naturally, we went to investigate.
Miles: Naturally.

(Kevin continues his story)
Kevin: We followed the sounds of the scream, and BAM! There he was. Candy Cain. In the flesh!

(Flash back to an imposing figurein a long red coat, form behind, standing over a terrified child dressed as Iron-MAn)
Kevin’s Narr: His hair was pitch black and sort of floated around his head like he was underwater!

(Closer on the imposing figure)
KN: His clothes were torn and rotted like he’d just climbed out of the grave!

(The figure suddenly turns!)
KN: He even MOVED like something out of a horror movie!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 23d

(3/46) Candy Cain

Miles: So, you actually saw Candy Cain?
Kevin: Totally!

Kevin: Don’t believe me? Ask Krystal! She was there!

Krystal: (dressed as a clown) I definitely saw SOMETHING that day.

Krystal: (close-up) I STILL don’t know exactly WHAT it was.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 24d

(2/46) Candy Ciain

Kevin: Wait. You don’t now about Candy Cain?
Miles: Never heard of him.

Carla: (arms crossed) Don’t let him scare you, Miles. Candy Cain is just a story older kids tell us so we won’t think it’s THEM stealing our candy.

Kevin: (excited) No, Carla. Candy Cain is REAL. I SWEAR!

Kevin: I’ve SEEN him.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 25d

(1/46) Candy Cain

Candy Cain: Part 1 of 46
(Halloween Night: Kevin and the gang are trick-or-treating. Kevin, dressed as Spider-Man looks on edge)
Miles: (dressed as Link) Kevin, what gives? You’ve been jumpy all night.

(Nearby we see Carla, dressed as an astronaut and Benji dressed as a cow)
Kevin: Aren’t you? It’s been three years since CANDY CAIN!

(Behind Miles we see Krystal, dressed as a clown and Baxter, dressed as a little red devil)
Miles: What? Candy canes are Christmas, dude. Not Halloween.
Kevin: Not candy CANE!

(Nearby we see Kimmy dressed in old army fatigues) Kevin: CANDY CAIN! Like the name of the MANIAC who appears every three halloweens to TERRORIZE kids and steal their candy!

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 26d

My KINGDOM for a Caprisun!

(A scorching desert scene. One dry weathers hand reaches across from the bottom left of the panel.)
Off-panel: uuugh…

(Same scene but we now see that the hand is connected to an emaciated Miles. A husk of his normal self)
Miles: Thirsty…

(Miles reaches upward with the last of his strength)
Miles: Juuuice… Soooda…
Off-panel: If you’re third, have a glass of water

(Cut to the kitchens. Miles stomping off annoyed as his mother stands nearby hands-on-hips)
Miles: Why do we even BUY the stuff if no one can DRINK it?
Donna: WE?

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 27d

Who are you calling obscenity?!

(Miles and Kevin walking outside)
Miles: I’ve decided that being an underachiever is the best way to go in life.
Kevin: Oh, yeah?

Miles: Yup. If I aim for mediocrity I’ll always succeed! All I need to do now is figure out how to thrive in obscurity.

Miles: I don’t know how you do it. (Kevin stop and looks at Miles suspiciously as he walks on)

(Cut to Kevin holding a large dictionary with an annoyed expression on his face. He’s venting to Kyle who is relaxing in the recliner)
Kevin: The problem with dictionaries is they assume you know how to spell words you can’t define.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · 29d

(11/11) Making it Weird

Carla: I’m sorry I couldn’t return your affections, Miles. I just don’t see you like that.

Miles: (shrug)Eh, don’t worry about it. I clearly wouldn’t know what to do if you did.

Miles: (curious) So, like… do we het to stay friends, or is it weird now?
Carla: It IS pretty weird.

Carla: (grinning, hand on Miles’ shoulder) But Only like a 4 on the Miles Scale.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · Sep 19

(10/11) Making it Weird

Carla: Miles, I think this whole crush thing might be a wash, don’t you?
Miles: Yeah, kinda.

Carla: You know, I just realized I don’t even know why they call it a crush. Do you?

Miles: (Mashing his hands together forcefully) I think because your heart gets so big and heavy with feelings it kind of crushes the rest of your organs.

Carla: (concerned) That sounds AWFUL.
Miles: (Shrugging with a grin) S’not so bad.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · Sep 18

(9/11) Making it Weird

Miles: I think the main difference between being friends and going together is you can only go with one person at a time.

Carla: So like best friends then.
Miles: Well, not exactly…

Carla: But, don’t you already HAVE a best friend?
Miles: Uhm, yeah, but-

Carla: (excited) OH! YOU. And KEVIN should go together!
Miles:… I don’t think I’m explaining this right.

Crabgrass @crabgrasd.bsky.social · Sep 17

(8/11/) Making it Weird

(A little blond girl in overalls and a boy with a mullet walk together holding hands and smiling.)
Miles: (from off-panel) If we went together, we could be like Luke and Patty.

Miles: (to Carla) They do stuff like walk to class together or carry each other’s books. Sometimes they even hold hands.

Carla: (Considering this) But we already walk to class together. And I have a backpack to hold my books. I just don’t see the point.

Miles: (looking at his hands) Hunh. Maybe you’re right. Besides, holding hands would leave us open to SO many ninja attacks.
Carla: (grinning) EXACTLY!