Author | Lightnews

Constable Dooley

@constabledooley.bsky.social

140 followers 82 following 98 posts

World’s First Official Internet Patrolman. Uniformed - if altogether uninformed - chronicler of history, society & celebrity. E-book on Amazon: https://shorturl.at/izAvj (Hard copy available direct-to-consumer.)

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Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · 12d

When Messrs. Proctor & Gamble get into the act, you know this #NoKing thing is for real.

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · 21d

Big-titted man-baby trantrums like no tomorrow. Bloody hell, America. #Chicago #Portland

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Oct 1

As I Underhand It™, US Army Corporal Maxwell Klinger received not only a public rebuke from top brass yesterday, but also the Section 8 discharge he long desired. And so it goes.

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 28

As I Underhand It®, US troops are being deployed to protect "GWAR RAVAGED PORTLAND" or something. Bloody hell, America. #Portland

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Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 17

Good advice, methinks. #STFU

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 14

Just in from the #Bushwood caddy yard.

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 13

There was a time you could walk into a proper barbershop at weeks’ end, ask for the "distinguished gentleman" and they knew precisely what you were after: A middle part, short back 'n sides, longer on top—ala the great #Shemp Howard—and swept over with a goodly dollop of brilliantine. Righto!

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 11

Well kiss my grits. The station house has learned that the original "Flo" — actress Polly Holliday, aka Florence Jean Castleberry from the stateside situational comedy "Alice" — has passed away. We send our condolences.😞

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 6

Just in on the station house calisthenic tickler. #MakeAmericaHegsethAgain

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 6

Before Michael Corleoni, Carlito Brigatoni, Antonio Montano and countless other onscreen guineas of note, young Alfredo Pacino was a gentle—if wife-beater teed—nature lover who delighted in summering on his beloved nonni’s farm in Sicily.

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 4

Just in on the station house immunology tickler. #DeSantis #Meatball

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 3

Studies indicate that watching Fox News leaves one more ill-informed than watching no news at all. Will the average stateside “moron”—if you’ll forgive us for saying—catch the meaning behind this cheeky shot across the social media bow? #whobloodyknows #whobloodycares

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Sep 2

From the station house entertainment tickler comes news of the "Billy Elliot" sequel you didn't ask for (but bloody well may be what you need). As they say in the hills of Appalachia, Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 27

As I Underhand It™, "The English teacher is marrying the bloody gym instructor." Bravo, Citizens Scholastica!

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 22

Before our official capacity policing the Internet, Yours Truly Dooley® was a uniformed foot soldier. Here we are, sans moustachio, fresh out of the Hendon Police Academy in London. Forever duty-bound. Righto!

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 19

#YoursTrulyDooley #RetortingForDuty

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 12

If I am understanding this sordid musical tale correctly, you went out for a ride and never went back. (Took a wrong turn and elected to just keep going. Bully for you, Citizen Bossman.) Pray tell how the fatherless unit fared in the aftermath of your brazen disregard for their welfare. #hungryheart

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 8

Actor Caine joins #ICE.

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 7

#speedway #slammer #wtaf

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Aug 3

#mred #msleavitt #wtaf

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Jul 28

Wish denied. #creep

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Jul 25

#LIFEOFCHUCK #MANGIONE #RIP

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Jul 21

The station house can't help but feel for the two disgraced Coldplay fans who were captured on camera canoodling with someone who wasn't their married missus nor mister. The lesson here, citizens: if you're going to cavort in public, do so in disguise and no one will be the bloody wiser. Righto!

Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Jul 9

#META

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Constable Dooley @constabledooley.bsky.social · Jul 7

Stand tall, citizens. Love is in the air. #stationhousearchives