Author | Lightnews

The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

Mr. Munch was put down humanly in 2005 to avoid a repeat of the 1997 incident

The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

Chuck-E-cheese is in compliance with anti gambling laws. Any parent caught letting their kids gamble will be banned to table 14 for the remainder of their stay

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

This is a safe space for kids, we swear

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

The AI glitched please this is a safe space for kids dont tell anyone that this isn't a safe space for kids. Oh god

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

If ICE wants to raid our restaurant, we got exposed nails and a flooded parking lot that says "no"

Also, Suzanne open carries

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

Also, Todd is allergic

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

We can't prove it, but we know our former associate Claire is (allegedly) to blame for the number of people who bring cats to the restaurant as a prank. For obvious reasons, this is a hazard to our establishment and brand.

Because they shit everywhere

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 1d

Chuck-E-cheese
where a kid can kill a kid

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 4d

But if it does happen, tell Suzanne. She's the only one who can reboot the router, so we trust her on this

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 4d

You know what else is dangerous, Nick? Passing up on our spooky season pumpkin spice Chuckaritas promotion!

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 4d

We are pleased to announce that we have fully integrated genAI into all aspects of our restaurant. There are still some bugs to work out but the toilet barely tells you to kill yourself so we're counting this as a win

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 4d

Due to the hilarious albeit letigious April's fool incident of 2025, the police union has informed us that patrols will no longer service our area as we have been deemed a "hazard". Libertarians are still not welcome, though

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 5d

Our lawyer has advised us to neither acknowledge nor condone this statement

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 6d

If nothing else, come to Chuck-E-cheese for the nostalgia. We heard there's even a guy who sells angel dust in the parking lot

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 6d

Please do not contact the health department. Those are just members of Chuck's family who have come to visit him for the weekend! Please do not contact the health department

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 7d

No, trust us, they were just getting started.

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 7d

Free exposure, baby

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Reposted by The last Chuck-E-cheese

The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 7d

The Michelin guide describes our pizza's texture as "distressing"

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 7d

And by the 80s, we mean 1977

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

Or at table 14

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

Well, not BANNED banned, but like you will have to finish your plate in your car

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

Someone died

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The last Chuck-E-cheese @chuckeplease.bsky.social · 8d

It has been banned from all chuck-E-cheese facilities since 1991. Didn't you read the sign?

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