Chris Patterson
@chriswritesplays.bsky.social
Playwright and Screenwriter. Semi-retired Actor. Satirist. Harlem, NYC
Business inquiries through Email. DM's open.
Business inquiries through Email. DM's open.
Pinned
"Writing is not a real job!"
Me: "You like reading books though?"
"Yes, That is correct."
Me: "Ok, Follow up question... Are you (bleeping) with us?"
#PeaceAndQuiet2026
Me: "You like reading books though?"
"Yes, That is correct."
Me: "Ok, Follow up question... Are you (bleeping) with us?"
#PeaceAndQuiet2026
Me: "Oh! You created a picture with AI. What a Greek tragedy! Honey, Oh my GAWD! You probably could've made that art. With your hands! What a fucking burden!"
December 16, 2025 at 10:25 AM
Me: "Oh! You created a picture with AI. What a Greek tragedy! Honey, Oh my GAWD! You probably could've made that art. With your hands! What a fucking burden!"
Keep your musty, rusty, crusty, stinky, rinky, dinky, FILTHY AI away from me.
I only speak to people who actually create art with their bare hands!
I only speak to people who actually create art with their bare hands!
December 16, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Keep your musty, rusty, crusty, stinky, rinky, dinky, FILTHY AI away from me.
I only speak to people who actually create art with their bare hands!
I only speak to people who actually create art with their bare hands!
If I ask a question and someone immediately uses Chatgbt to find the answer?
We fighting. Deadass...
We fighting. Deadass...
December 16, 2025 at 9:50 AM
If I ask a question and someone immediately uses Chatgbt to find the answer?
We fighting. Deadass...
We fighting. Deadass...
Therapist: "What are you going to do when you leave?"
Me: "I'm gonna smoke pot with my best friends and watch the game."
*Hour later, Bong rip*
Me: "WOOO!!!"
Me: "I'm gonna smoke pot with my best friends and watch the game."
*Hour later, Bong rip*
Me: "WOOO!!!"
December 16, 2025 at 8:26 AM
Therapist: "What are you going to do when you leave?"
Me: "I'm gonna smoke pot with my best friends and watch the game."
*Hour later, Bong rip*
Me: "WOOO!!!"
Me: "I'm gonna smoke pot with my best friends and watch the game."
*Hour later, Bong rip*
Me: "WOOO!!!"
My therapist is getting a handful of information today...
a woman is sitting in front of a vase of pink flowers and the word ugh is written on the screen .
ALT: a woman is sitting in front of a vase of pink flowers and the word ugh is written on the screen .
media.tenor.com
December 15, 2025 at 5:16 PM
My therapist is getting a handful of information today...
Jokes aside!
RIP Rob Reiner.
He was a stable support system in this household. I grew up watching "All In The Family" because of my mom.
RIP, Meathead...
RIP Rob Reiner.
He was a stable support system in this household. I grew up watching "All In The Family" because of my mom.
RIP, Meathead...
December 15, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Jokes aside!
RIP Rob Reiner.
He was a stable support system in this household. I grew up watching "All In The Family" because of my mom.
RIP, Meathead...
RIP Rob Reiner.
He was a stable support system in this household. I grew up watching "All In The Family" because of my mom.
RIP, Meathead...
RIP Rob Reiner.
"And if it gives me cancer, when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anywayyyy?"
"And if it gives me cancer, when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anywayyyy?"
South Park - Rob Reiner vs. Smoking (Part 2/3)
YouTube video by George W. Bush
youtu.be
December 15, 2025 at 4:24 PM
RIP Rob Reiner.
"And if it gives me cancer, when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anywayyyy?"
"And if it gives me cancer, when I'm 80, I don't care. Who the hell wants to be 90 anywayyyy?"
"GODDAMN IT, THERE WILL BE NO MORE SMOKING!" -Rob Reiner
RIP, Meathead.
RIP, Meathead.
December 15, 2025 at 4:02 PM
"GODDAMN IT, THERE WILL BE NO MORE SMOKING!" -Rob Reiner
RIP, Meathead.
RIP, Meathead.
Sigh...
These sports teams be stressing me out. I'll see you later!
*Runs away*
These sports teams be stressing me out. I'll see you later!
*Runs away*
a woman in a striped sweater is standing in the snow
ALT: a woman in a striped sweater is standing in the snow
media.tenor.com
December 15, 2025 at 3:40 PM
Sigh...
These sports teams be stressing me out. I'll see you later!
*Runs away*
These sports teams be stressing me out. I'll see you later!
*Runs away*
"Unless something affects me directly, I don't care about it."
Buddy! Buddy...
There are 8.2 billion people on this planet.
Not everything is about YOU, CHERYL!
Buddy! Buddy...
There are 8.2 billion people on this planet.
Not everything is about YOU, CHERYL!
December 15, 2025 at 2:57 PM
"Unless something affects me directly, I don't care about it."
Buddy! Buddy...
There are 8.2 billion people on this planet.
Not everything is about YOU, CHERYL!
Buddy! Buddy...
There are 8.2 billion people on this planet.
Not everything is about YOU, CHERYL!
Why I left Twitter:
One day, I'm drunk and scrolling. I see a tweet with a bunch of likes. I *assume* that the person was being destroyed in the replies.
I was wrong. What was the tweet? I'll tell you.
"I don't care about anything unless it affects me directly."
*Points up*
This is why...
One day, I'm drunk and scrolling. I see a tweet with a bunch of likes. I *assume* that the person was being destroyed in the replies.
I was wrong. What was the tweet? I'll tell you.
"I don't care about anything unless it affects me directly."
*Points up*
This is why...
December 15, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Why I left Twitter:
One day, I'm drunk and scrolling. I see a tweet with a bunch of likes. I *assume* that the person was being destroyed in the replies.
I was wrong. What was the tweet? I'll tell you.
"I don't care about anything unless it affects me directly."
*Points up*
This is why...
One day, I'm drunk and scrolling. I see a tweet with a bunch of likes. I *assume* that the person was being destroyed in the replies.
I was wrong. What was the tweet? I'll tell you.
"I don't care about anything unless it affects me directly."
*Points up*
This is why...
Happy birthday to this banger.
Must see Sinead Harnett live again...
"I'd rather be with youuuu!"
#SineadHarnett
Must see Sinead Harnett live again...
"I'd rather be with youuuu!"
#SineadHarnett
Sinead Harnett - Rather Be With You
YouTube video by SineadHarnettVEVO
youtu.be
December 15, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Happy birthday to this banger.
Must see Sinead Harnett live again...
"I'd rather be with youuuu!"
#SineadHarnett
Must see Sinead Harnett live again...
"I'd rather be with youuuu!"
#SineadHarnett
As I enter 34, I drink less and think more...
December 15, 2025 at 1:33 PM
As I enter 34, I drink less and think more...
As I enter 34, I strive for more...
December 15, 2025 at 1:31 PM
As I enter 34, I strive for more...
As I enter 34, I clamor for more...
December 15, 2025 at 1:12 PM
As I enter 34, I clamor for more...
My last week of being 33...
December 15, 2025 at 12:59 PM
My last week of being 33...
Sooooo...
I finished Edgerunners today.
I'm going to go home and cry now.
I finished Edgerunners today.
I'm going to go home and cry now.
a close up of a man 's face with a few spots of paint on it
ALT: a close up of a man 's face with a few spots of paint on it
media.tenor.com
December 12, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Sooooo...
I finished Edgerunners today.
I'm going to go home and cry now.
I finished Edgerunners today.
I'm going to go home and cry now.
I've got a great idea for a movie.
It's called, "Go to (bleeping) therapy.
That's it. That's the entire plot of the movie.
Now who wants to be my producer? 🤣
It's called, "Go to (bleeping) therapy.
That's it. That's the entire plot of the movie.
Now who wants to be my producer? 🤣
December 11, 2025 at 8:59 PM
I've got a great idea for a movie.
It's called, "Go to (bleeping) therapy.
That's it. That's the entire plot of the movie.
Now who wants to be my producer? 🤣
It's called, "Go to (bleeping) therapy.
That's it. That's the entire plot of the movie.
Now who wants to be my producer? 🤣
As I begin to cross the threshold of being in therapy for the last four years, there are some things that I would like to share with you lovely people...
For likes. You gotta like this post before I start talking. 🤣
For likes. You gotta like this post before I start talking. 🤣
December 11, 2025 at 8:32 PM
As I begin to cross the threshold of being in therapy for the last four years, there are some things that I would like to share with you lovely people...
For likes. You gotta like this post before I start talking. 🤣
For likes. You gotta like this post before I start talking. 🤣
On today's episode of, "Go to therapy!" We discussed "manipulation" and how to handle it.
Solution? "Don't fall for people's manipulative tactics!"
Anddddddddddddd SCENE!
*Bows*
Solution? "Don't fall for people's manipulative tactics!"
Anddddddddddddd SCENE!
*Bows*
December 11, 2025 at 8:25 PM
On today's episode of, "Go to therapy!" We discussed "manipulation" and how to handle it.
Solution? "Don't fall for people's manipulative tactics!"
Anddddddddddddd SCENE!
*Bows*
Solution? "Don't fall for people's manipulative tactics!"
Anddddddddddddd SCENE!
*Bows*
"You're such a hater, Chris!"
Me: "I woke up this MORNING hating! You know me so well..."
*Snickers*
Me: "I woke up this MORNING hating! You know me so well..."
*Snickers*
December 11, 2025 at 10:54 AM
"You're such a hater, Chris!"
Me: "I woke up this MORNING hating! You know me so well..."
*Snickers*
Me: "I woke up this MORNING hating! You know me so well..."
*Snickers*
Good morning to everyone.
Except Taylor Swift. 🤣
Except Taylor Swift. 🤣
December 11, 2025 at 10:14 AM
Good morning to everyone.
Except Taylor Swift. 🤣
Except Taylor Swift. 🤣
Taylor Swift looks like what unseasoned chicken tastes like.
There, I said it...
There, I said it...
December 11, 2025 at 10:05 AM
Taylor Swift looks like what unseasoned chicken tastes like.
There, I said it...
There, I said it...
This is my 900th post on this platform.
DO I SOUND LIKE I AM JOKING?
*Slams phone*
It has not stopped ringing all morning...
DO I SOUND LIKE I AM JOKING?
*Slams phone*
It has not stopped ringing all morning...
December 9, 2025 at 4:41 PM
This is my 900th post on this platform.
DO I SOUND LIKE I AM JOKING?
*Slams phone*
It has not stopped ringing all morning...
DO I SOUND LIKE I AM JOKING?
*Slams phone*
It has not stopped ringing all morning...