Brian Shea
@brianshea.org
improv comedian, content creator, jackass of all trades
https://highwireimprov.com
https://brianshea.org
https://brianshea.substack.com/
https://highwireimprov.com
https://brianshea.org
https://brianshea.substack.com/
Me to my wife this morning: What are you going to make with that chicken in the fridge?
*instant regret sets in*
*a beat*
Her: Chicken
*instant regret sets in*
*a beat*
Her: Chicken
a cartoon character from south park is holding a soccer ball and saying i guess maybe i deserve it
ALT: a cartoon character from south park is holding a soccer ball and saying i guess maybe i deserve it
media.tenor.com
January 22, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Me to my wife this morning: What are you going to make with that chicken in the fridge?
*instant regret sets in*
*a beat*
Her: Chicken
*instant regret sets in*
*a beat*
Her: Chicken
More evidence that WDYDY is the center of the universe. The other day, I saw an old video of @phlaimeaux.bsky.social doing "I sent the text to the person the text was about." Today I texted Happy Birthday to a guy I know. He is a twin. He replied to me passing my sentiments on to his twin brother.
January 22, 2026 at 4:11 PM
More evidence that WDYDY is the center of the universe. The other day, I saw an old video of @phlaimeaux.bsky.social doing "I sent the text to the person the text was about." Today I texted Happy Birthday to a guy I know. He is a twin. He replied to me passing my sentiments on to his twin brother.
A high-school student in 2085: "So, wait, the war started because of Greenland? You're making this up, teach "
January 18, 2026 at 2:07 AM
A high-school student in 2085: "So, wait, the war started because of Greenland? You're making this up, teach "
Gotta respect the hustle of a local nonprofit which posted "Congrats to our CEO for being featured on PR Newswire" and linked to a press release they submitted (and probably paid for).
January 16, 2026 at 1:12 PM
Gotta respect the hustle of a local nonprofit which posted "Congrats to our CEO for being featured on PR Newswire" and linked to a press release they submitted (and probably paid for).
The bully threatening to steal my lunch and I are having a fundamental disagreement about whose food it is.
January 15, 2026 at 12:59 AM
The bully threatening to steal my lunch and I are having a fundamental disagreement about whose food it is.
Went to get some stacking chairs for a non-profit tabling outside our theater on Halloween. Misjudged how snug they were stacked. Top bar went right into my face. Black eye.
What's the most ridiculous way you ever hurt yourself? I got out of the tub, skidded in water and tripped over the toilet. Ankle sprain.
😅
😅
January 6, 2026 at 12:36 PM
Went to get some stacking chairs for a non-profit tabling outside our theater on Halloween. Misjudged how snug they were stacked. Top bar went right into my face. Black eye.
Maybe it's really the FIFA Piece Prize because he bombs a piece of every country eventually.
January 3, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Maybe it's really the FIFA Piece Prize because he bombs a piece of every country eventually.
How I'm walking out of 2025
December 31, 2025 at 3:27 AM
How I'm walking out of 2025
Just binged "Happiness" on PBS. Jesus, fuck. Watch this hysterical show, especially if you are theater or musical theater adjacent. An absolute banger (and only six episodes so like not even three hours of your time).
December 31, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Just binged "Happiness" on PBS. Jesus, fuck. Watch this hysterical show, especially if you are theater or musical theater adjacent. An absolute banger (and only six episodes so like not even three hours of your time).
Reposted by Brian Shea
I wanted to get a video of this ghost crab but every time I got close to their hole they scuttled back in, so I tried getting clever with it. I made a little sandcastle and shoved my phone into it, hit record, and walked away. Crab was VERY suspicious of this addition to their environment.
September 19, 2025 at 12:30 PM
I wanted to get a video of this ghost crab but every time I got close to their hole they scuttled back in, so I tried getting clever with it. I made a little sandcastle and shoved my phone into it, hit record, and walked away. Crab was VERY suspicious of this addition to their environment.
Reposted by Brian Shea
[sitting on a folding chair backwards] sure, you think you know Mr. Brightside, but I'd like to tell you about a guy who came out of his CAVE and is doing just fine
December 30, 2025 at 11:46 PM
[sitting on a folding chair backwards] sure, you think you know Mr. Brightside, but I'd like to tell you about a guy who came out of his CAVE and is doing just fine
Full marks to @kentremendous.bsky.social for getting a dig at Mike Elias into Man on the Inside.
December 30, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Full marks to @kentremendous.bsky.social for getting a dig at Mike Elias into Man on the Inside.
The casting of Max Greenfield as a smarmy college president in Season 2 of Man on the Inside is one of the most inspired choices as well as one of the easiest slam dunks of all time.
December 30, 2025 at 3:20 AM
The casting of Max Greenfield as a smarmy college president in Season 2 of Man on the Inside is one of the most inspired choices as well as one of the easiest slam dunks of all time.
Reposted by Brian Shea
christmas on bluesky
December 25, 2025 at 1:47 PM
christmas on bluesky
A template for every holiday with my wife's family.
Person: (describes something they enjoy)
Them: Agrees mildly and then tells extensive stories of when that thing or a similar thing disappointed them
Happy holidays?
Person: (describes something they enjoy)
Them: Agrees mildly and then tells extensive stories of when that thing or a similar thing disappointed them
Happy holidays?
December 25, 2025 at 5:55 PM
A template for every holiday with my wife's family.
Person: (describes something they enjoy)
Them: Agrees mildly and then tells extensive stories of when that thing or a similar thing disappointed them
Happy holidays?
Person: (describes something they enjoy)
Them: Agrees mildly and then tells extensive stories of when that thing or a similar thing disappointed them
Happy holidays?
First day of break:
Local coffee
Christmas at the Chalet starring Teri Hatcher
Lunch at local brewpub
Nap
Admin work for @highwireimprov.bsky.social
Homemade soup
Season 1 finale of GBBO
The Hobby: Tales From The Tabletop Documentary
Local beer
Taskmaster Champion of Champions
More local beer
Local coffee
Christmas at the Chalet starring Teri Hatcher
Lunch at local brewpub
Nap
Admin work for @highwireimprov.bsky.social
Homemade soup
Season 1 finale of GBBO
The Hobby: Tales From The Tabletop Documentary
Local beer
Taskmaster Champion of Champions
More local beer
December 24, 2025 at 3:24 AM
First day of break:
Local coffee
Christmas at the Chalet starring Teri Hatcher
Lunch at local brewpub
Nap
Admin work for @highwireimprov.bsky.social
Homemade soup
Season 1 finale of GBBO
The Hobby: Tales From The Tabletop Documentary
Local beer
Taskmaster Champion of Champions
More local beer
Local coffee
Christmas at the Chalet starring Teri Hatcher
Lunch at local brewpub
Nap
Admin work for @highwireimprov.bsky.social
Homemade soup
Season 1 finale of GBBO
The Hobby: Tales From The Tabletop Documentary
Local beer
Taskmaster Champion of Champions
More local beer
Old Man Improv's Christmas List 2025
YouTube video by Brian Shea
youtu.be
December 24, 2025 at 12:35 AM
I like to keep up with friends who have moved away, but I don't like it when the reason is to make sure their kid didn't die in a school shooting at their college. #fuckguns
December 14, 2025 at 5:03 PM
I like to keep up with friends who have moved away, but I don't like it when the reason is to make sure their kid didn't die in a school shooting at their college. #fuckguns
Go Navy
Beat Army
Fuck Trump
Beat Army
Fuck Trump
December 13, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Go Navy
Beat Army
Fuck Trump
Beat Army
Fuck Trump
I want to see the CCR ratings, the TMBG ratings and the GWAR ratings.
Here's how the groups stack up in terms of average ELO ratings.
I (🇫🇷🇸🇳🏁🇳🇴) – 27
D (🇺🇸🇵🇾🇦🇺🇪🇺) – 31
F (🇳🇱🇯🇵🇪🇺🇹🇳) – 31
J (🇦🇷🇩🇿🇦🇹🇯🇴) – 32
L (🏴🇭🇷🇬🇭🇵🇦) – 32
C (🇧🇷🇲🇦🇭🇹🏴) – 33
K (🇵🇹🏁🇺🇿🇨🇴) – 35
H (🇪🇸🇨🇻🇸🇦🇺🇾) – 38
A (🇲🇽🇿🇦🇰🇷🇪🇺) – 42
E (🇩🇪🇨🇼🇨🇮🇪🇨) – 42
B (🇨🇦🇪🇺🇶🇦🇨🇭) – 42
G (🇧🇪🇪🇬🇮🇷🇳🇿) – 44
I (🇫🇷🇸🇳🏁🇳🇴) – 27
D (🇺🇸🇵🇾🇦🇺🇪🇺) – 31
F (🇳🇱🇯🇵🇪🇺🇹🇳) – 31
J (🇦🇷🇩🇿🇦🇹🇯🇴) – 32
L (🏴🇭🇷🇬🇭🇵🇦) – 32
C (🇧🇷🇲🇦🇭🇹🏴) – 33
K (🇵🇹🏁🇺🇿🇨🇴) – 35
H (🇪🇸🇨🇻🇸🇦🇺🇾) – 38
A (🇲🇽🇿🇦🇰🇷🇪🇺) – 42
E (🇩🇪🇨🇼🇨🇮🇪🇨) – 42
B (🇨🇦🇪🇺🇶🇦🇨🇭) – 42
G (🇧🇪🇪🇬🇮🇷🇳🇿) – 44
December 5, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I want to see the CCR ratings, the TMBG ratings and the GWAR ratings.
Reposted by Brian Shea
How do you fuck up Jordan?
December 5, 2025 at 7:05 PM
How do you fuck up Jordan?
Reposted by Brian Shea
Infantino is an amateur. Sepp Blatter would have made trump give him an award.
December 5, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Infantino is an amateur. Sepp Blatter would have made trump give him an award.
Reposted by Brian Shea
Respect to Wayne Gretzky for not preparing for this at all. You miss 100% of the pronunciations you don't practice for.
December 5, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Respect to Wayne Gretzky for not preparing for this at all. You miss 100% of the pronunciations you don't practice for.